Jump to content

THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2


SuperDave71
 Share

Recommended Posts

Day 10

Yesterday was her birthday. She's seeing someone. Started basically the day after we ended things. The unknown is really getting to me today even though I'm mostly alright. It's just the wondering if she's thinking about things with us or just completely into her new thing that is messing with me right now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 20.1k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Day 10

Yesterday was her birthday. She's seeing someone. Started basically the day after we ended things. The unknown is really getting to me today even though I'm mostly alright. It's just the wondering if she's thinking about things with us or just completely into her new thing that is messing with me right now.

 

Trust me. It is better to not know anything. It hurts beyond anything.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is my first attempt at NC with my newly ex-boyfriend as of Friday. I begged, pleaded, did everything for him... & his response was, "If it's meant to be, let it go and see if it comes back." I'm not sure if I'm still going to accept that as the truth, being that he played with my head these last 2 days after we broke up. (Texted me when I didn't text him, trying to make me feel bad about trying to move on & accusing me of being able to easily forget.) He told me he didn't know if he wanted to work on our relationship yet, continued to call me "beautiful/princess", but deleted all of our pictures off of his Facebook yesterday. When I texted him confronting him about that I said, "You deleted all of our pictures. That's all I need to know. Goodbye." His response: "Okay, your choice."

 

So I started my NC today, granted I didn't know about this thread until now. I didn't contact him at all, but I did stay on his Facebook on and off all day. I looked at our old pictures in my phone. I read his statuses and looked to see if he added any girls. And I liked a comment his mother posted on his page. Aside from the major stalking on my part, I haven't spoken to him today.

 

I cried about 3 times today. I haven't eaten anything but grapes since Thursday night; it's the only thing I can keep down. But I'm choose to move on. Let's see how I manage.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sometimes the people closest to you really do not understand your situation. They only see what they want to see. Their "advice" is well intentioned but it's not warranted in your situation. It's all because they are on the outside looking in. Every breakup is different but there is one constant. if there were real feelings there's going to be some real pain. You can choose how long you want to hurt especially if staying in contact with them is causing you pain. Implementing NC has become a golden rule in breakups. My personal take on it is you should go at least 90 days before attempting to reestablish contact. I think this period of time helps you go through an emotional reset. After you complete 90 days you may not even feel you want to contact the person whom you broke up with.

 

Thank you. This is what I need to hear.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dammit! I just went to his page again.

 

Any help on how to stop, aside from deleting his profile? After he breaks up with a girl he usually deletes her, but he hasn't me. I know he looks at my page and I want him to see that I'm finally happy and moving on. Besides, if I delete him he'll probably never contact me again which is what I secretly hope for.

 

So any help?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If this is your first attempt at NC then I caution you to change your behavior. NC means no contact and no contact means NO CONTACT. That means any form of communication. Do not text, email, phone, leave voice mail messages, check their Facebook status, send out homing pigeons, send up smoke signals, drive by their work place, drive by their living quarters or do anything that will put you near this person. From the point forward when you implement NC you do not exist to this person anymore. Does this seem harsh? It is harsher still to stay in contact with someone who doesn't know what they want.

 

Are you seeking to validate the relationship? There is no need for that now. You said you begged, pleaded and done everything for him. What did it gain you? Nothing apparently but some mixed messages. Some of the behavior you exhibited is common after a breakup but you need to STOP right now. When a person breaks up with you they don't usually care how you feel, only how they feel about the whole situation. If they are the dumper they will want to remains friends just to soften the blow and give them an out. Don't fall into this trap. I would recommend implementing NC right away. If they dumped you, turn the tables on them and dump them right back with NC.

 

NC is used as a tool to allow YOU to heal and get on with your life. When the breakup is fresh emotions are running high, people may say and do things that look like they have good intentions. Concentrate on yourself so that you can heal and become a whole person again, the strong confident person you were at the beginning of the relationship. NC will allow you to do this so that you can examine your behavior. Right now the most important person is YOU. Don't let anyone tell you differently. They are gone for now. There may be a chance for reconciliation down the road or maybe not. That is reality. Right now you are experiencing an emotional hailstorm. Take back your life and your power with NC. You have it within you to do this.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

DAY 18

 

This is the hardest day so far, hardest because he has sent me a card asking to give him a call if I want to meet up and that he has taken the week off work. Why oh why oh why has he done that? Argh! My emotions were just starting to settle down. What good can come of meeting up with him? I don't want to get rejected all over again. But I'm curious to what he wants to say. But I don't think I'm anywhere near ready to "talk". Does he just want to hang out as friends? There's no way I could do that. I really can't decide whether to ignore it or ask him what he wants.

 

As the Backstreet Boys once sang - "Quit Playing Games With My Heart"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's day 2 now and I feel a little better. The first thing I did when I opened my eyes was jump to my phone so I could look at his facebook, but I caught myself. I finished up an assignment for my class and am about to head that way now. I posted a facebook status saying that I was off to school and he liked it. When I saw that notification, it mostly annoyed me. It seems like he's trying to be a jerk about me moving on.

 

I finished getting ready for school, then grabbed my phone. 2 unread texts from him. They say, "I'm bleeding internally. I don't know what to do. Should I respond telling him to feel better? Should I not respond and seem like I don't care?

 

I'm in a rut. I'm thinking about leaving my phone at home because I don't know what to do.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

DAY 18

 

This is the hardest day so far, hardest because he has sent me a card asking to give him a call if I want to meet up and that he has taken the week off work. Why oh why oh why has he done that? Argh! My emotions were just starting to settle down. What good can come of meeting up with him? I don't want to get rejected all over again. But I'm curious to what he wants to say. But I don't think I'm anywhere near ready to "talk". Does he just want to hang out as friends? There's no way I could do that. I really can't decide whether to ignore it or ask him what he wants.

 

As the Backstreet Boys once sang - "Quit Playing Games With My Heart"

 

You can't be friends right now. You know that. He would/should have the guts to let you know directly if he's made a mistake and wants to be back together. He hasn't come forward and said that--he's intentionally trying to keep you guessing. He's getting the exact response he wanted---to make you wonder, to keep you on the hook.

 

If that's not what his intention was, let him realize by your lack of response that he needs to try harder. Let him be clear and direct about what he wants. There is no reason that we should have to work to be loved. We should not have to pull it out of someone that they want to be with us and commit to us. If they can't or won't do that, as hard as it is, we deserve to move on and find someone who can and will.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Day 12

Woke up this morning after a horrific nights sleep(or lack of) honestly have no idea but I couldn't empty my mind and just wander off to sleep. I'll be lucky if I got 3-5 hours sleep but hey ho, the show must go on baby.

 

Nevertheless I ended up at the gym and burned another 700 cals in 40 minutes. Even a few of the girls in the gym were commenting on how hard I was pushing myself, which was a confidence booster.

 

Ended up going a walk after dinner for a while to get out in the good weather and now I'm watching some football(soccer). Almost at the 2 week stage and I'm not overly worried or fussed about my ex as there isn't much I can say/do at this moment, as sad as it may sound. There's been times when I've wondered what she's up to etc and I know the onus is on me to get in touch with her when I can be her friend(as she's told me this) but I'm just going to patiently wait it out, keep improving to the best of my abilities.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Day 4 BU 1st Sept.

 

This is the longest I have gone NC. I still think of you constantly through out my day. Trying to move on as best as I can, even though it is hard. I won't break NC now, I need to be strong for me!

 

You do. Good job for making it to Day 4. You're giving yourself respect and power when you do NC.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Day 40

 

I thought I was farther along in being "over him" a few days ago. But, after talking with some friends, I realize that I might be fooling myself. I dont love him. But, I haven't arrived at the place where I've stopped caring about him. I do care.

 

 

 

By accepting what has happened and being able to truly let go you can arrive at a place of peace and calm. The journey to get there can be slow and arduous depending on your level of emotional maturity. You may still harbor fond memories of your ex and that is something you cannot control. You can still care for someone but sometimes you have to do it from a distance.

 

I see you are at day 40 and that is quite an accomplishment.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You can't be friends right now. You know that. He would/should have the guts to let you know directly if he's made a mistake and wants to be back together. He hasn't come forward and said that--he's intentionally trying to keep you guessing. He's getting the exact response he wanted---to make you wonder, to keep you on the hook.

 

If that's not what his intention was, let him realize by your lack of response that he needs to try harder. Let him be clear and direct about what he wants. There is no reason that we should have to work to be loved. We should not have to pull it out of someone that they want to be with us and commit to us. If they can't or won't do that, as hard as it is, we deserve to move on and find someone who can and will.

 

Thank you, your advice has been amazing.

 

OK, DAY 19 My birthday!!!

 

Going to keep busy today, my mother is coming over and we are going to do some shopping and cake-eating I've been awake since the early hours (it's gone 5.30am) but went to bed quite early, so I should be OK. Worrying about what to do at the weekend, and I can't go out and celebrate like I normally would because the ex will probably be there. Ughhhhh. The risk of dating a friend I guess. He'll be out without a care in the world, no doubt. Part of me thinks it maybe wouldn't be so bad if I did see him, that I could be civil, but it would crush me not to go home with him, or if I did then I would regret it. So it's probably best I stay away. The limbo carries on...

 

Really want to talk to him now! But I won't

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Stay strong!! You are 11 days away from the 30 day mark. It's around this period of time, I feel like is when you turn the corner. By then the emotional fires should have really cooled off and you begin to feel better about yourself. It is a constant internal struggle to not be in communication with the former object of your desire.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

By accepting what has happened and being able to truly let go you can arrive at a place of peace and calm.

everyone says that. but no one says how, except give it time.

 

and that is quite an accomplishment.

Gracias. But, I gotta tell you I owe Facebook block 50% of that, hahaha.

 

Wait, aren't you on Day eleventy-seven yourself?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Stay strong!! You are 11 days away from the 30 day mark. It's around this period of time, I feel like is when you turn the corner. By then the emotional fires should have really cooled off and you begin to feel better about yourself. It is a constant internal struggle to not be in communication with the former object of your desire.

 

Thank you for the support

Link to comment
Share on other sites

everyone says that. but no one says how, except give it time.

 

Letting go means leaving things in the past. You let go by moving and finding what is best for you. You don't try to hang onto the relationship and validate your actions for doing so. Letting go means not going back to analyze, reanalyze and over analyze what transpired in the course of the time your were together. You don't dwell on the dynamics of what happened and wonder how things would have turned out if you had done things differently. You don't dwell on could I, would I or should I. If you have momentos from when you were together, like pictures put them away so you won't be tempted to keep visiting them over and over. Letting go means finding within yourself a new perspective on life, knowing that when one door closes, another opens and sometimes with a better view. It will take a certain amount of time but time does heal.

 

 

Gracias. But, I gotta tell you I owe Facebook block 50% of that, hahaha.

 

Wait, aren't you on Day eleventy-seven yourself?

 

 

It's only day 145 of complete NC for me. I'm still on a journey. I feel a lot better and I'm in a better place mentally and emotionally.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My GF dumped me out of the blue, she's very immature and selfish.

 

So I went NC for about 20 days. Then she started sending me messages on fb, just some random stuff... And she was talking to her friends about me.

 

That was just dragging me down so yesterday I told her to stop contacting me, because if she wasn't serious enough to sort this out face to face, I don't need her chitchat.

 

Now I feel completely different, like I finally don't have a bourdain on my shoulders

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share


  • Top Discussions this Week

  • Our picks

    • Adultery - the New Monogamy?
      Adultery is the Future of Marriage? The ancient institution of monogamous marriage is ill-suited to the exigencies of modern Western civilization. People of both genders live and work longer (which renders sexual exclusivity impracticable); travel far and away frequently; and are exposed to tempting romantic alternatives via social networking and in various workplace and social settings. As leisure time increases and physical survival is all but effortlessly guaranteed, recreation takes precedence over procreation.

       
      • 0 replies
    • Healing the Child Within
      In today’s episode of The Terri Cole Show, you are in for a treat. I am interviewing a new pal, his name is Nate Postlethwait, but you may know him as @nate_postlethwait on Instagram.

       
      • 0 replies
    • How to Sort Your Life Out | Self Improvement
      This video is about how to sort your life out. There are four important things you need to do to sort your life out ASAP.

       
      • 0 replies
    • Triggers
      You may be tempted to deal with your triggers by avoiding everything or everyone that triggers you. Although that will help you feel better in the moment, it will make life a lot harder for you over all. Instead, here's an emotionally intelligent way of managing your triggers that will help you a lot more.

       
      • 0 replies
    • No Intimacy Without Personal Boundaries (Q&A)
      The ability to thrive in intimacy is inextricably linked to the capacity to maintain and enforce personal boundaries. In personality disordered patients, both are sorely compromised.

       
      • 0 replies
×
×
  • Create New...