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THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2


SuperDave71
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I think I'm going to hop back on the NC train. After 35 days of NC (and 35 days post BU), he contacted me and it knocked me back a few steps in my healing process... so it's time again for me to go back to NC so I can get back to healing and moving forward with my life. So day 3, it is.

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NC Day 2

Today was a rough day...we lived together for a year and half....mornings are hard. This is when we get up for work and make a mad dash to work. Afternoon and evenings are rough too...we would text through out the day and evenings...I spent them all with the ex.

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Day 23 of NC

 

I’m still reading the ‘Nonchalance is Your Friend’ post and it’s making me feel better...as though I do have a future that I can look forward to. There is light at the end of that tunnel now. I feel like a weight has literally been lifted from my shoulders and I hope this feeling stays with me. I still find myself getting down but when I get these negative thoughts, I’m consciously trying to tell myself ‘I don’t care’. It’s early days but it does seem to be working for me.

 

I have stayed away from Facebook too. I am not actually a FB friend with my ex but I have a habit of reading his friend’s walls and then trying to work out what he might be doing and where he might be going based on their activity. It’s very unhealthy and I REALLLY don’t want to be a FB stalker so I’m quite proud of myself for not logging on. When I joined FB about five weeks ago, I invited everyone I knew to be my friend including my ex (that was before NC). He didn’t accept the request UNTIL TONIGHT (I got an email notification). Darn it! Why did he do that and why now? Nonchalance tells me ‘I don’t care’ and I don’t.

 

I know this is a ‘Getting Back Together’ forum. I don’t think I will ever get back together with my ex. I still want to but I am so, so sure he’s not interested. I am still going to continue with NC though so I hope you don’t mind me posting here.

 

Welcome to the forum Jodi and Wootis. I know it’s hard (harder than hard). Keep posting. Stick with NC and concentrate on you.

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Day 13

Probably the best day so far. it was the first beautiful day of the Spring (ridiculous since its dam near May) and I was able to really enjoy myself. I spent time with some of my ex's and my mutual friends tonight - ones that she actually introduced me to. I still thought about her tons today, but my mood was different. It wasn't about missing her terribly and wallowing in heartache like I have been, but more of a positive "whatever" or even "i dont care" attitude. Hopefully this continues and tomorrow isn't just right back to being sad.

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Back to Day 1 - I have realized I am my own worst enemy. Stupid, stupid, STUPID!!!!!!!!!! I don't want to replay the exchange of text messages. I have no one to blame but own self and I deserve to feel as crappy as I am feeling right now. Why is this so damned difficult to accept? I just wish I could disappear.

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Day 24 of NC

 

Today was bitter sweet. I watched the Royal Wedding and really enjoyed it but I did keep wishing the love between me and my ex was as deep and as powerful rather than just being one sided. It’s just jealously I suppose. I was working for most of the day which was good because it kept me busy and meant I couldn’t dwell on the romance of the day too much. I've been out for an enjoyable afternoon and evening with family and friends too and that has kept me upbeat. All in all, not a bad day.

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day 19 i think

* * * * day

been watching this royal wedding, and wow, what a drag, i watched them and forever ever though "if that was me and K i would be holding her hand now" "if that was me i would be kissing her" so sad and pathetic! i couldn't get her out of my mind and its driven me loopy today, worst day in some time, i am off to bed, wont get to sleep though i know, i will be thinking of her!

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Day 14

Two weeks, and I think I have come a long ways. I'm feeling down tonight though because tomorrow is a huge occasion - I'm graduating from college. You should be there with me, but you won't be. I really wasn't expecting to hear from you at all, until my mother told me that it would be horrible of you not to just send a simple text saying congratulations or something. I'm going to try and not be disappointed when you don't text.

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I marked off the date on my calendar. I can't freakin believe that I did this to myself! Breaking no contact was horrendous. You made me feel like a worthless human being all over again. Time has not softened your feelings toward me, if anything you hate me more now then you did when we broke up (if thats even possible). I don't know its probably all in my head but what am I supposed to think? Not like I can come straight out and ask you. I guess this uncertainty is my punishment for breaking the NC of almost 40 days. Great, I get to beat myself up for another few weeks or however long it takes for me to dig myself out of this pit I put myself in. All the while you can go on your merry way thinking about poor pathetic me still clinging to you. You're probably laughing and happy you're not with a loser any longer.

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Day 25 of NC

 

I have tried to keep myself busy today but my ex has been on my mind constantly. Gradually, my thoughts have turned into resentment probably because he has chosen not to be with me and it makes me bitter. I hope I can sleep this feeling off and that tomorrow is better.

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Day 15.

Today I graduated from college, and had a really tough day. These last few days I had been doing well and making good progress, but ever since last night at the banquet I have been really down. This is a big deal, graduating is a huge milestone, and the entire time I couldn't help but think that you should be there with me. You should be next to me taking pictures, next to me while I'm shaking everyone's hand. I can't help but get the feeling like all this NC is taking you further away from you. I thought that maybe today you would text me congratulations, but you didn't. I really hope I haven' made things worse, but then again NC really was the only choice. That Maroon 5 song "Misery" has really been hitting home recently. The whole song is a good example of how I feel most days, especially the parts "you really got me bad, you really got me bad. Now I'm gonna get you back, I'm gonna get you back."

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Naw Helpmetoheal, don't be so hard on yourself. This NC challenge is a work in progress for you. You make mistakes, you learn from them and then forgive yourself for it and move forward. I don't know what he said to you to make you feel this way about yourself but it sounds like he's the loser, not you. Having feelings and expressing them is not the type of thing a loser would do.. losers beat you down because they feel better for it.

 

Don't forget yóu are the one who is growing and learning, he might be the one stuck in his own childish behaviour for a while

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You have no idea how much I needed to hear kind words like that! Thank you!

Naw Helpmetoheal, don't be so hard on yourself. This NC challenge is a work in progress for you. You make mistakes, you learn from them and then forgive yourself for it and move forward. I don't know what he said to you to make you feel this way about yourself but it sounds like he's the loser, not you. Having feelings and expressing them is not the type of thing a loser would do.. losers beat you down because they feel better for it.

 

Don't forget yóu are the one who is growing and learning, he might be the one stuck in his own childish behaviour for a while

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Day 26 of NC

 

I feel so low today, almost as if I were at Day 1. I think it’s because I don’t feel very well so I am full of self pity.

 

I have been thinking about my ex constantly. I thought I was doing well and that I had perhaps started to heal but some of my things that crossed my mind today involved my ex have a new girl and the pain is still there in my heart so I know I have a long way to go yet.

 

I wish he’d get in contact. I wish I knew whether he thinks about me or not.

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Day 16

Today was a really good day, and that is due to two things: I was occupied all day and surround with people, and I was with other girls. Took a drive to see the little sis in college and hung out with a couple of her friends - really cute girls. One in particular had me quite smitten, haha, and she's only 3 years younger than me. I've known all along that what I need is to hang out with with other girls; receive the interest of other girls. The problem is that's way easier said than done, especially coming out of a long term relationship - it's not like I've been lining girls up in case I ever needed them! It's actually been something that I've really worried about lately. Since we broke up in January, I've been trying to make a connection with another girl, just to make a new friend if nothing else and haven't even gotten close. It just makes finding someone else seem really bleak. And finding someone else is what my goal is because with all this NC all I can do is assume that she is moving on and getting closer and closer to her new guy. When I see her in about three weeks I'm going to try and have made even more progress than I have now.

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I just started NC and I already broke it. I have felt pretty good about it and it hasn't been that hard. Of course I think about contacting him a lot but I just think about the fact that he is in a rebound and probably just gets annoyed hearing from me at this point. BUT... As soon as I heard the news about Bin Laden being dead tonight I instantly sent my ex a text about it. The thing is that we were together when 9/11 happened. We lied in bed watching the TV as the second plane hit the WTC all those years ago. We were together for the beginning of it and it just felt right for me to be the one to tell him about the end of it. Now I find myself trying to read into his response to my text. Hoping that he will text me more about it. I know I shouldn't have done it but I couldn't help myself. Now I am freaking out wondering if this NC thing is going to be harder than I thought. I hope it was just because the whole Bin Laden is dead thing was emotional in and of itself. Plus I had this guy coming on kind of strong blowing up my cell with text last night. It made me realize how not ready I am to date. Ugh.. I hope it was just a combo of all that stuff.

 

I hope I can get back to NC and stick with it. One thing that has been helping me stick to the no contact (before now obviously) is that I am working on a letter to him for when I have to break no contact. I KNOW I will have to break no contact for sure because there are too many loose ends in a relationship that lasted as long as hours did. We lived together, shared everything, had pets, I knew his family well and his friends, etc. The letter I am writing is a positive letter thanking him for what he was able to give to me throughout the years. I also talk about the changes I have made in the past few months, plus the changes I still plan on making. I figure when I go no contact I want to leave the last message to him as a really positive one. One that will keep him thinking about the good in our relationship and all the positive changes I have made. That way when he really starts to miss me he can think of those things instead of the sadness of our most recent dark days. Do you guys think this letter is a good idea?

 

I don't want to waste it on this contact right after starting no contact though. I want to still work on it so it helps me keep to no contact. To me it was a pretty minor contact and nothing I need to worry about too much. I just wish I hadn't done it. Oh yeah and also I figure if he is in a rebound at the moment and it the super happy honeymoon stage that he isn't going to be thinking about me much at all. I would rather send him the positive letter when the rebound has started to cool. Then again if I wait maybe I won't get the opportunity to send it.

 

I hate how much I have to over think everything right now.

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Day 66 ( I had to use Day Counter lol)

 

I feel absolutely terrible. I have had enough of time now to think things through and still can´t believe what happened. What makes me feel very upset that she has not even tried to contact me after she left me. I did not cheat or did not treat her badly. She just left and I have not heard from her since that day. I guess my love was worth next to nothing to her.

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Day 27 of NC

 

I have felt poorly all day today so haven’t done much except stay in bed.

 

I did receive an email from my ex. It was sent to a group of us who usually go on a winter skiing trip. He has asked us if we are interested in going this winter too. Unfortunately, he has chosen dates that he knows I won’t be able to go. I guess that says it all really. He doesn’t want me there so has purposely chosen these dates. Why did I think that it would be any different? I know he’s not interested in me so why does it upset me so much?

 

It all hurts so very much.

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Day 28 of NC

 

I don’t feel ill today which is good but I did start the day feeling low after the skiing email I received from my ex, which I still haven’t responded to, thus maintaining NC. I had longed for him to contact me but now that he has, I feel even worse. By deliberately choosing dates I can’t attend, it feels like rejection all over again. Maybe I’m over analysing things (again). I shall be careful what I wish for!

 

I did go out with some friends this evening and had some fun. I had to go on Facebook when I returned home (I had to post some updates about my club) but kept it very, very brief and managed not to see anything that might upset me. The day has ended on a relative high.

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Day 18

I missed posting here yesterday for the first time. I saw her yesterday. For a part time job i work at a dept store, and she showed up with her and two friends. I turned a corner and they were right there walking towards me. I saw her friends first and said Hi, then I saw her. She acted as if I was someone she has no interest in whatsoever. Basically just kept staring ahead as I passed her. I felt like it would be really childish for us to just walk past each other, so I gave her a casual tap on the shoulder then kept walking. After that, the three of them were back in my dept of the store for at least 20 minutes, and yet she never came and said Hi or anything. I really debated if I should approach her, then I remembered my NC. I would only talk to her if she approached me. It really sucked that this happened. I sucked to be in that situation. I didn't want it to be weird, I really didn't.

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Just after I posted last night, my ex contacted me and asked if I’d received his email about skiing. I felt bad about not replying so I text back, trying to keep it upbeat, and told him that I couldn’t make the dates. He did text me this morning to say if the dates changed, he’d let me know. So was I being paranoid about the whole thing or was he just being polite? It doesn’t matter.

 

I haven’t managed 30 days of NC but I did manage four weeks. I do feel a little better than when I started NC. I won’t go as far as saying life is worth living but it feels like it might be again one day. I certainly didn’t feel like that four weeks ago. My heart is still broken but I now know that, given time, it will mend.

 

I am not going to initiate contact but I can’t promise that I will stick to NC completely. Given our intertwined social lives, I know that within the next two to four weeks, I will cross paths with my ex at some point. I plan to keep our encounters brief and I won’t initiate conversation 'just so there’s no bad feeling between us'. It makes me look as though I’m chasing him and I’m not...not anymore. If he wants a conversation, he can come to me.

 

My advice to anyone just starting NC is be as strict as you can. I started to feel much, much better when I stopped myself logging on to Facebook. Also, be proud of your own achievements. You can do this..you're worth it!

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day 24!

its getting easier, i don't think of her as much, but it still hurts alot when i do, that pain is still the same, just less frequent.

the acceptance is getting there too.

during the NC time, i have had some good times with mates over the bank holidays, and i am sure she has to, and that hasn't really bothered me, i thought id care if she was out in clubs and at gigs and all that, because of other guys, but it doesn't really enter my head. if i found out she was seeing someone i would be devastated, but no word of that yet.

 

the thing i have been missing most recently is the sex and the touching, i do miss all aspects of her, but the sex has been right up there the last 2 days

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day 25

was a strange one today, i dreamed about her again, and thought about her alot, only briefly, and i mean briefly, it was like a flash memory, it just hit me and i remembered an event, a smell a sight, her saying something. they were all nice things though. i had to laugh at a few things too, i was watching tv and when certain things were happening or were said and i said in my head things about my ex. one thing was a special k breakfast cereal commercial and the voice over in it said "women know how to organize themselves in the morning" and i said to myself in my head yeah she was always up and organized, and i remembered our mornings waking up together and her morning routine and the good times we had in the mornings, and i laughed to my self and smiled!

strange day, but a good one, i havnt had one like it but i hope for more

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Day 20

She texted me last night out of nowhere. She said "So I don't know if this is breaking the talking rule. I was just wondering how your graduation was." I graduated last Saturday, so it's kind of late to ask that question, and it's not like it was the first time she heard about it. I even saw her in public since then, though she tried to be cool and ignore me. I'm thinking she texted when she did because she knows I usually work Wednesday nights till 9, so there would be a good chance I'd be home after. It's just so strange. She acknowledges that we're not supposed to be talking according to my request, but then asks a question like that. It's graduation, it was fine and just like any graduation. They don't go good or bad, haha. Obviously it was an excuse to talk, but the question is why? Was she missing me? Feeling lonely? Genuinely wanting to talk? Perhaps she didn't like how weird it was when we saw each other and wanted to break the ice a little, so that's what she did. Maybe she expected me to call her and tell her all about it. I did text back, but all I said was "Graduation was good. I'm glad I decided to go through with it. Thanks for asking." She never texted back. It's hard but now I have to move on from this and get through the next few weeks until I see her again. This is the 3rd or 4th interaction I've had with her since I started NC, so it's ending up not being strict NC after all. It's still working for me though.

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