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THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2


SuperDave71
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Day 19 of NC

 

Definitely felt better than yesterday although I still didn’t have much to occupy my time.

 

When I was younger, I watched my Mum go through a nasty divorce and I watch her husband (my father, if I must) use her and treat her badly. I decided then at a young age, I didn’t want to be in love because it left you exposed and vulnerable. I have followed this ethos throughout my life. That was until I met my ex. He was romantic and loving, something I’ve never experienced before. I literally did let myself ‘fall’ in love with him.

 

It’s because I lost control of my emotions that I’m feeling so extremely sad now. Love might be the most wonderful thing and earth but it really, REALLY hurts when you lose it. I have to try and regain some control again. Being able to control my emotions is what is going to get me through this.

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It’s because I lost control of my emotions that I’m feeling so extremely sad now. Love might be the most wonderful thing and earth but it really, REALLY hurts when you lose it. I have to try and regain some control again. Being able to control my emotions is what is going to get me through this.

 

I feel that. I do think it's OK to let yourself feel the negative emotions...good luck!

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Day 9. I considered the possibility of getting a Happy Easter text from you, then I quickly dismissed it. First, Easter has never been a big deal to us, so wishing me a happy easter would be too obvious. I realized this when I thought about sending you one, that it would be way too transparent of a message. The fact that its Easter has really made it hard today. Nothing is open, everyone is with family, so there's really nothing to do but sit here with my thoughts. Happy Easter, nonetheless (but not too happy, haha).

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Day 27

 

I have come so far. I still feel empty and occasionally get extremely sad. But I've been able to pick myself up and stop hoping for you to come back to me. I don't think you'll ever come back to me. But I know I won't be able to avoid you. We have too many mutual friends and we are bound to bump into each other one day. I don't know how I'm going to react when it happens.

 

Hope you are doing well. Have a great life.

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O.K. so here goes nothing she broke up with me 2 wks ago after 6yrs, stayed at house from Sat until Thurs. Then left got my own place, talked to her last Sunday. felt like crap for a couple of days. Then talked Saturday again felt like crap again for another couple of days. have not contacted her since this Saturday. It really does no good at this point I believe we are done in her head I think she needs time and so do I. NC really does feel good but the little guy on my shoulder tells me that she is aready moved on, but in reality she cant know what she wants till I'm not in the picture, either way whatever happens it will be a quicker resolution this way. I do want her back but she also has to want me back. If not like someone told me "if its for you it will not go by you" meaning no matter what the outside interference or conditions if its ment to be nothing can stop it from happenning. Great challange by the way. Wish me luck.

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* Having a tough time *

Typing down the text messages in a word doc and deleting them from my mobile... Something I should have done a long time ago but better late than never I guess..

Those text messages, no matter how small, bring back so many memories..

I'm listening his favorite music so that certainly doesn't make things easier..

.....*sigh*.... we really did have a good time and I miss that...

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I woke up with a sense of relief today. I think it’s because I know the long weekend is over and I can get back to some normality and routine.

 

I have been thinking all day about the times since we broke up that my ex has demonstrated he doesn’t want to be with me. It’s easy to kid yourself that a glance or a passing comment are clear signs that he wants to get back together. I was only fooling myself and making a fool of myself at the same time too. I still dream (constantly) about getting back together but I am slowly accepting that it’s not going to happen. He’s probably whispering sweet nothings into someone else’s ear. He won’t contact me. He doesn’t want to be with me. There. I’ve said it...but I still wish it weren’t true.

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Day 28

 

Darn it! I was doing so well, but I don't know why I feel like complete crap today? I just can't seem to pick myself up today. I think it's because of stress at work and feeling isolated since I'm going to be traveling on my own for the next few weeks. Easter didn't help. At Easter dinner, all I could think about was I wish he was here with me so I didn't have to listen to everyone talk about their all the great things in their relationships. Maybe I just need a good night's rest.

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Day 37 so depressed, Zero interest in dating when it comes right down to, it why bother? just to feel this again ugh!

 

At day 37 everything is still pretty fresh, some people are able to get right back into the dating scene while it takes longer for others (me included), so hang in there. It's been 37 days for me since the break-up and I can't imagine seriously dating anyone else yet either, but once we get past the pain of our past relationships we'll both find ourselves interested in other people again and wanting to date. It's all part of the process!

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Day 21 of NC

 

So three weeks. I didn’t think I could make it this far. I’m not really sure I have ‘made it’. I have just survived and the days seems to have passed on their own. I don’t feel any better for having completed three weeks of NC and I don’t think I’ll feel better at 30 days or even 60 days. I can’t see this pain ever leaving me. There seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel, just blackness.

 

NC is supposed to give you time to heal; to analyse where you made mistakes in your relationship and to then go through self improvement based on those mistakes. I have major insecurities so I have been trying to tell myself today that I am worthy of love even if it won’t be from the very person who I desire it from.

 

I am worthy.

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Day 1 of NC

 

Here are my rules I want to add to the list above that are personal to me:

 

No contact with any relations of his as i realise that keeping in touch with his mum is not helping

To find a different route home from work so i dont have to drive past the other womans house and see his car there.

 

Well today has been a difficult day, i decided that as part of the NC i would block him, his parents, and her (N) from my facebook so i cant see what they are up to, i have also removed all numbers from my phone and text messages too as i found myself looking at the texts from when we were still together a lot.

 

I got a little upset today at work about everything, the thought of applying for a divorce on my first wedding anniversary crushes me inside, but i have to be strong and press on, I really want to go down the adultery route but i wonder if unreasonable behaviour will just be easier all round. It just makes me mad that N gets away scot free with breaking up another marriage. I guess i have to hold faith that one day she will do to him what she did to her ex, that day i will be able to hold my head high and smile because he will know what it feels like to hurt to your inner core, to not be able to eat, sleep or even appear to function properly, hopefully by that time i will be truly over him and happy with my new life that i have crafted for myself.........i truly look forward to the day when i can see him and not feel a thing!

 

I have also decided that when he creeps into my thoughts i will write a paragraph about something i didnt like about him / something he did that upset me etc. Hopefully remembering the bad will numb down the good? I hope anyway!

 

Its a long tunnel of recovery, but weve been split for almost 5 months, ive met someone who i really like, (he understands what i am going through and we are building more of a friendship than anything right now)....but therer is a light at the end of it, and i am finally starting to take the steps i need to to reach it.

 

BUT....Today is a good day also, i am proud of what i achieved!

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At day 37 everything is still pretty fresh, some people are able to get right back into the dating scene while it takes longer for others (me included), so hang in there. It's been 37 days for me since the break-up and I can't imagine seriously dating anyone else yet either, but once we get past the pain of our past relationships we'll both find ourselves interested in other people again and wanting to date. It's all part of the process!

 

Talking to TRUE friends helps alot. Also, consider counseling if you feel you are not moving forward appropriately for you. Good luck!

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day 16 or 17 something like that

 

went on fb today for the first time, and some news feeds came up of some of our mutual friends, and well they didn't help, talking about what they had been up to, the fun shes had all the gigs shes been to. she is definatly making the most of it and having a good time, good on her i guess. my stomach sunk when i seen the statuses.

i miss her.

i have decided to message these people inform them i have to block them for a bit, i cant be seeing that stuff, i need to use fb because my phone is broke

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Day 22 of NC

 

I read the ‘Nonchalance is Your Friend’ post before I went to sleep last night. I woke up feeling really positive and the feeling has stayed with me for most of the day. If I felt myself getting down, I just kept telling myself ‘I don’t care’. It seems to have worked so far so I’m going to try it tomorrow too.

 

I have also managed to stay off Facebook for the whole day too! I feel better for it but I’m not sure I have the self discipline to stay away altogether – I’ll try, I promise!

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Day 66.

 

Although you have text me a few times, it isnt what I wanted to see or hear. I dont know why I expected it to be a flash in the pan with this guy 18+ years your age... Cos it just seems so wrong? I have stopped wondering and searching for answers totally now. There are no answers. You met someone new, you decieved me, you cheated on me, treated me like sh1t for a few months and Im finding happiness. Your lovely mother is coming out, as you will no doubt know, in october. She wants to meet me. She loves me you know, she really became my mother when I needed someone to help me through some tough times. I look back and realise that whilst I helped you, when it came time for you to support me, you really didnt. Not one bit... When the going gets rough you just... Left...

 

You have two days to contact me oin my UK phone then its gone. Cancelled. Do you know Im the otherside of the World yet? Has Will let it slip? I imagine he has. I imagine you know. You dont seem to care. You really did emotionally check out a long time ago ddint you? But you used me to the end. Took advantage of all I had to offer and give to you. Im a good man and am told there arent many of us about. In time I wonder if you will wake with regret? But thats not my problem. Im not speaking to you in 2011. At all. If you have made/make zero effort then I am damned if I ever talk to you again. Its better this way. I love me once again and pity the me a few months ago. A lost struggling boy taken advantage of by a "princess" who could do no wrong... Its a big fall from that high horse of yours baby girl, f*cked if Im going to be there for you to land on this time.

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Day 12

 

Today wasn't a very good day. I actually had a lot of negative feelings today. At work tonight I was unfortunately all by myself, so alone with my thoughts all night. I just had a bad feeling about a lot of things. It was just a bad state of mind, but it just seems like I kept imagining the worst case scenario. Like I kept thinking like you haven't contacted me at all because you don't care if we talk or not. I imagined that you were spending your night with your new guy, getting closer and closer. I thought about what you said about possibly bringing him to our sand volleyball games when they start next month. When you said it, I thought you meant maybe you'd let him tag along once to watch, but tonight I almost thought that maybe you were saying he would be on the team as well. I can do nonchalant once with him on the sidelines, but if he's on the team week after week, idk if I can handle that. I also thought about the wedding coming up and just how possible it is that you'll bring your new guy with. That's a long ways away, and hopefully tomorrow I'll be in a more positive attitude. Either way, I have a ways to go yet.

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My Ex of 3.5 years broke up w/ me on 16th april, i beg and plead next day, back together and broke up w/ me again on 23rd. Last 6-months more the 3 mini BU.

This times I go NC for me. I quit running club which we go run together as a group.

Next day i drove by his house.

So i start again.

DAY-4

I think about him alot, this time i'm not going to beg anymore. He does not love me , eventhough i think it's over, I still wish he would come around.

Quitting running club is hard for me too. I've running w/ the club for 5 years. In general i feel a lot better than his BU before.

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Day 2

 

A couple of my friends who i caught up with yesterday told me they had seen my ex getting into his car with his new girl (who he left me for) I felt really brave when i told them thank you for telling me, but I didnt want to know anything more about them, unless it was to their misfortune lol

 

If off out to a local pub for drinks tonight with my two best friends so im hoping it will be a good night, i know there will be talk about my ex, but i MUST be strong!

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