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THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2


SuperDave71
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Day 22

 

Almost there! I'm feeling much better. I have set tons of new goals for myself and I'm not going to stop! I had a list of things I wanted to do with you when we were together. Too bad for you, but I'm going to do everything on my own or with other people. You are missing out - oh well, it was your fault anyway for ending things. But I guess I should thank you. This breakup really forced me to not waste anymore time and do everything I have wanted to do. Life is short and I'm going to make the most of it.

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Broke NC today at day 39. Texted my ex back to see what the deal was with meeting up. She said she didn't know when she was visiting and wanted to know my schedule. Seems she's only coming to town to see me. I figured it would be one of her classic roadtrips where she visits friends in different cities, but I don't think my availability would affect a trip like that this much.

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DAY 39

 

Got a text from my ex today saying she might be in town soon and wants to hang. I wondered what was up, since she was supposed to be moving accross the country to be with her new guy. I decided to check her Facebook after months of having it blocked to find out if she actually moved.

 

TODAY HER RELATIONSHIP STATUS CHANGED TO SINGLE!!!

 

I'm waiting a bit to text her back, but I find it kind of funny that as soon as she breaks up with her guy of 5 months she sends me a text. Me = Winner?

 

I have to admit I felt a tinge of envy when I read this,( I don't see this being my experience), but good for you NG85! Keep us posted

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Day 5

 

I'm not sure how I feel. Over the last day, I was toying with the idea of taking his dog for a couple of days as he had offered. I am really missing her. The ex - well, I am missing the person he used to be and the times I once had with him. But that all appears to be history.

 

Somebody at ENA likened him to a drowning person who tries to pull in the people who are trying to rescue him into the water to drown with him. Yes, I would say that is an accurate description.

 

I am so wanting to stick with the 30 days NC. I have to make arrangements to collect the rest of my property from his home, but don't want to do this before the 30 days are up.

 

Am very conscious of the difference between my head and heart talking to me, and woke up this morning with my heart blabbering and bringing me down. Getting back on track now. My heart can have selective amnesia which I why I need to balance my inner world with appropriate input from my head.

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April 19 - Day 5 of NC

 

Today was a bit better. I missed her less, and I managed to get my mind off of her for a good portion of the day. When I do think of her, it seems like things at least have the chance to fade, like I finally see that there might be a light at the end of the tunnel. The BU happened about 5 weeks ago so I guess that would be normal.

 

The only thing that bothers me still is thinking of the possibility that she'll never be in my life again. Time will only tell, but it's still something I have to accept if it happens. I lost not only a partner but my best friend, and all of her family too, which also hurts.

 

I'm taking it one day at a time, but I know some days (like today) will be better than others. All I know is that there is hope for future happiness, and that is what will drive me forward.

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Amen Stacy. I was under the false presumption that once I got a few weeks in, it would be easier, when in fact, I'm quite certain, at the 1ish month mark, it's actually harder. It's harder for me now rather than the first week because I had a feeling she might contact me in the first few weeks... that never happened, so now its like you say, just looking for ego validation. I feel like for all I know, she's been emotionally/physically cheating for months, and moved on without saying a word. The other times we split she always tossed bread crumbs if nothing else. Even though they were confusing at times, they did seem to soothe the ego a bit.

 

Yeah, I'm right there with you. The first few weeks I wasn't worried because I figured I would at least hear something from him at some point especially considering he still has a few of my things. In my case though, I'm pretty sure he is seeing someone else so that explains a lot. It is a lot harder when the hope is gone and you are forced to accept things for what they are. I had imagined these 30 days going down a lot differently, but I guess at this point I just have to keep going until he's no longer a part of my thoughts.

 

And I mean, at least we still have our pride, right? We should be pretty proud of ourselves for getting through a month of no contact. Hang in there, from what you mentioned I wouldn't be surprised if you heard from her any day now!

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I have to admit I felt a tinge of envy when I read this,( I don't see this being my experience), but good for you NG85! Keep us posted

 

Thanks, Jakel, but I don't think my situation is one to be envious of. According to FB she became single early yesterday morning. Within 6 hours she was texting me about wanting to visit my city (AKA visit me, most likely). She's clearly looking for comfort and needs attention, and since I was the last person she was very comfortable with she's seeking that comfort from me. I'm trying to push back our meet-up a few weeks just so she won't be so desperate when we meet up. If we did end up getting back together I'd really be no more than a rebound at this point. And honestly, since she was never really single between our relationship and her new one, she probably didn't have time to improve herself or change, so we'd be right back to square one. Hopefully seeing her will allow me to get a good gauge on where she is in life, but I'd also be content finding someone new who's a little older and more mature.

 

Also, it's funny - Not too long ago she said she hated my city. Now she's saying she misses it and is excited to visit.

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Day One

 

Don't have much to say other than I am sticking it out this time.

 

EDIT: Actually, there's one thing I want to get off my chest. As I am sick to death thinking about my ex and his ways, and I know for definite that it's having him on my mind that leads to me taking him back again. This time I'm doing things differently, so if I post it will be about ME and not HIM, and I will try and concentrate my ramblings to my progress in getting MY life back, rather than going over what went wrong.

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Day 27

Most of the negative emotions are gone. I'm left with love and longing.

 

I don't want to do NC forever. He really wanted to stay friends and I slammed the door on him. I think I will make contact at around the 8-week mark. I have a very good excuse to contact him and perhaps we can be friends after that. Don't want to cut him out of my life permanently even though he hurt me badly.

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its been a hard day today, its getting easier in some ways, im accepting it more, but elements are getting harder.

im missing the contact so much, i touched her, held her, hugged her, kissed her, stroked her hair, looked at her face everyday, and its been so long since iv done that, what i wouldn't give to hold her!

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I’ve have spent most of the day with friends and family and, all in all, it’s been one of the good days. Despite that, there is still an underlying feeling of complete loneliness inside me, even when I’m surrounded by people.

 

I run a class every Thursday and a mutual friend said she might attend. There’s a possibility that my ex might come along with her. I never made any declaration that I was going NC. It just happened so there’s no reason why he might not come – unless he’s NC too and avoiding me. I’m a little anxious but also excited in case he does turn up and I get to see him without me even initiating contact. Cheating, I know.

 

It does pose the question as to whether it’s him implementing NC or me. If he doesn’t come, I’ll be disappointed which means he’s still in control.

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Day 27

Most of the negative emotions are gone. I'm left with love and longing.

 

I don't want to do NC forever. He really wanted to stay friends and I slammed the door on him. I think I will make contact at around the 8-week mark. I have a very good excuse to contact him and perhaps we can be friends after that. Don't want to cut him out of my life permanently even though he hurt me badly.

 

I changed my mind on contacting him at the 8-week mark. If he wants me back badly enough he'll contact me. He dumped me after all. If he doesn't want me back badly then I would just be setting myself up for more pain by contacting him.

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Day 5.

Was able to keep pretty busy today with various things. Still had you on my mind almost the entire day, but at least there were things going on that I could try to focus on. Yesterday was when you texted me, and I sent you a nonchalant text back. Didn't hear from you again, not that there was really any reason for you to text back again. This is the fifth day of NC, but it's the first time that I really have no idea what you might have been doing today/tonight. Not that I should be thinking about it, but I can't help it at this point.

 

I'm getting flashes of feeling what it must be like to move on. They only last for a moment at a time, but a few times a day I'll be doing something that makes me very comfortable and accepting of the situation, like it doesn't matter anymore. It's like I don't have to fake nonchalance, but actually feel it. Like I said, though, the feeling is very brief and I go back to being sad again very quickly.

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Day 33 - I was sooooo close to breaking my NC last night! The only thing that kept me from it was the thought of being rejected all over again and being back to square 1. It saved me! I guess I am making progress even when I feel I am not. I have an issue that has come up affecting my children and if ever there was a time to rally all the support I can get its now. I have debated calling on his mother for help, she seems to have been ignoring me for the last month or so. This after her telling me after the break up that she would always be there for me and the kids. Probably just something she said to make me feel a lil better??!? I can't help but thinking that if I don't approach the ex and the mother for help with this and it turns out badly that I will blame them. I am so stuck!

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April 20 - Day 6 of NC

 

Another decent day, interlaced with periods of thinking of her. I didn't get really down at all today that I can remember, which is a first in a long while. I guess I'm just afraid of what the future has to offer at this point. I'm looking forward to the end of the week - I'll be able to hang out with friends I haven't seen in awhile and that should be fun.

 

Evenings still tend to get me down, but they're getting more bearable.

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Hey ms. popside.. Back again?

You have made it quite far ( as far as I remember).

I am not going to ask what happened because I read you don't want to pay too much attention to that but whatever happened .. I hope it was worth it and it makes it easier this time to stick to it

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Day 32

 

...still counting the days. I have the day off today so I've been thinking about you a lot. Last night a friend of mine was talking to one of your friends on the phone who she used to date. I wanted so bad to grab the phone from her and ask about you, what you are up to, who you are seeing, what you told everybody about the break up. But, I didn't. I can't see you on facebook anymore, so I really have no idea of knowing, it's killing me. The only thing that is stopping me from contacting you now is the possibility that you are seeing someone else. And I feel like I can't get the answers I need from your friends or other people because I don't want people to think I actually care as much as I do or that I'm still hung up on this whole thing. It's a pride thing, so instead I haven't brought your name up once.

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its gonna be a really hard day tomorrow!

i was trying not to count down days, but this day was always coming up, its a weekend we had planned together, going to some events and spending some time alone, but now shes going with her mates instead, i cant be cruel enough to go myself, we cant see each other, i was only interested in going with her anyway!

we had a full weekend planned and then a week together, just us in a cottage! its gonna be tough!

i am gonna surround my self with my friends and try to have some fun, take my mind off it

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