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THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2


SuperDave71
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Day 15:

 

Today was fine I'm pretty confident I WILL get you back

 

Your mom isn't doing to good she is more hurt by the break up than either of us.

She absolutely hates your new "fiancé" and its putting her in a depression to know your thinking about marrying and having kids with this dirtbag. She has enough to deal with; with her dad dying in front of her eyes and kids all day everyday. I wish you stop being selfish and help your mom cope with everything.

Your dad is supposed to give you some ultimatums I guess today, i hope you make the right choices cause you haven't in the past 2 months since our break

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day 5

bleugh, its a miserable dark dank day outside, which is exactly how i am feeling today. Had nothing to do all day, got nothing to do for a few hours yet. I am going out later, just a few mates, that's always good, i always enjoy that and am never on a downer, i wouldn't ever let my situation spoil that. Its been nearly 4 weeks since i heard your voice, god i miss you so much. I am glad you deleted me off facebook and twitter, and my phone isn't working, after a few drinks i would no doubt try to contact you, that's the mood i am in, no confidence at all today

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Day 8

 

Decided to go on the NC challenge...and I thought I was healing till I woke up with a nightmare. I tried to get back together with him in a dream and he told me that he never loved me b/c I was an emotionally abusive crane-like shrew. Still missing him and thinking about how I missed all the signs...

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After months of No Contact I thought I was healed. I though I was done with all this.

 

Then.. *outch*

 

I saw a guy that looked exactly like him walking with his children and wife.

And I thought to myself... *wow.. one day I will bump into you exactly like that and where would I be in my life?*

 

Right now I'm a mess

My life is a mess

A mess that I just can't handle...

 

It's not just the NC that does the trick, it's also the way you fill those days.

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i need abit of help here!

i have gone NC with my lady

she has deleted me on facebook and twitter, i cant see what shes doing but she can see what i am doing!

now on my face book page i use it to keep in contact with some of my geeky mates (we study the stars, she likes the same thing) i have been NC for 5 days, and fr that 5 days i have stayed completely off everything, because i know she can see it!

but the question is i want to go nonchalant, should i just carry on on my FB chatting with my mates as its all normal (which would help me alot) or do i just keep doing what i am, and not bother posting at all?? so she cant see anything???

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i need abit of help here!

i have gone NC with my lady

she has deleted me on facebook and twitter, i cant see what shes doing but she can see what i am doing!

now on my face book page i use it to keep in contact with some of my geeky mates (we study the stars, she likes the same thing) i have been NC for 5 days, and fr that 5 days i have stayed completely off everything, because i know she can see it!

but the question is i want to go nonchalant, should i just carry on on my FB chatting with my mates as its all normal (which would help me alot) or do i just keep doing what i am, and not bother posting at all?? so she cant see anything???

 

You can set your profile to private so she can't see what you're doing. Besides, you shouldn't care what she thinks about what you're doing with your life.

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Day 9 of NC. I unblocked him from AIM but we aren't talking to each other. He is respecting my wishes for NC in the hopes that one day we can be friends again. Today is also the day he asked me out which makes me even more depressed. So to keep myself preoccupied, I'm going to go to the Museum of Natural History and just place a flower there as a sign of closure...and take a photo of it for memories. Afterwards, I'll get food with my friends and just walk along Shore Road. Here is to another day where I don't relapse into tears again. Cheers

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Day 28 NC - Still having good and bad days. Like I mentioned earlier, I have run into you on our street, I am surprised it didn't happen sooner or more frequently. I was really trying to avoid going out around the times I thought I would have the chance to see you. I started counselling, its a start. I have some homework to do before my next appointment. One thing I did take away from my first session was that I will not allow you to make me a prisoner in my own home. I have every right to walk about my neighbourhood whenever I want, as much as I want. I will not be "trying" to avoid your schedule any longer. Whats the worst that could happen? Its all up to me how I handle things. My fears have trapped me for too long. The sessions will teach me how to really own my thoughts and feelings and work through them. Its so easy to dwell on the negative thoughts and get caught up in them. Its going to be hard work, to retrain my thought process that has been my life. Oh well, here goes.

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Wow, I SO agree with you CocoButter. The problem is putting it into practice! We've only been broken up for 4 days, and I've called twice, and visited once (it was mutual, and we agreed to be friends if I could eventually handle it). I thought it was really cathartic, but now I'm having second thoughts. I think it'll just prolong my agony this way. Hearing his voice, etc. I already told him I can't see him physically for awhile, as I'm trying to get to where I don't want him romantically when I see him, if we are to be just friends. Another poster mentioned this morning if I could handle being friends if he found someone new. Wow. At THIS stage, absolutely not! I am ridiculously in love. I love the NC challenge above, and will try to do that. I am also clipping your post, and keeping it near the phone! Boy, will it be HARD, though!!!! No wonder alot of people "harden off" after being hurt. Who wants to go through that again? My emotions are all over the board right now, and I know it's natural; sadness, remorse, anger, guilt, grief, relief, optimistic for myself, then optimistic for a reconciliation....blah, blah, blah. Life can be so hard sometimes. Sometimes I even laugh, when I realize what a pedestal I've had him on! If I turn my focus to his faults, write a list (which I've done!), there are plenty of laughable flaws to balance out the fantasy I'd created. Sure, there are many truly wonderful qualities and memories, but just as many that dissolve the ideal if I really think about it honestly. Gives me perspective, alright! Also, I shouldn't forget that I wanted out for a long time. Only stayed because I was too weak and was afraid of making a mistake. I was not happy or getting what I needed/wanted from the relationship. I will take to heart the lessons I've learned, and apply them the next time around, to safeguard against at least this particular type of relationship. You never know what future waits for you just around the corner, too. CocoButter, I feel your pain. At least you have the small comfort of knowing that you're sad experience has helped others to avoid it. Thank you. I will try to be strong. Am already making plans for a quick trip out of state to visit good friends, and experience a refreshing change of scenery. I'm in a kinda small town, and he only lives a couple of miles away. I need distance! Thank goodness for good and supportive friends and family! All of you....never sacrifice those relationships for a love relationship. You'll be glad you didn't, when the love one ends. True friends and family are forever!

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day 6

the worst day!

wow i dunno really, im full of anger! i want to smash things up, i want to be with her, the suns shining, the weather is lovely its nice and warm, iv been sat in miserable and i know shes been out enjoying it with her mates, no doubt looking at lads!

drinking doesn't help at all! i did it to have fun with my mates...not worth it. im seething, id like to think its the beer, but i know it only enhances your mood! the mood before i had the beer is this mood! i am so angry!

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Day 6 for me:

I still miss you, but I am starting to get mad at you for not respecting my wishes for NC. I feel like I'm being disrespected. I made it perfectly clear to you that I wanted space, and you're not giving it to me. You even made up "something important" just to get me to respond. That is childish and selfish.

 

I still want you back, but these actions, combined with you currently having a rebound relationship, is making my desire for reconciliation shrink more and more everyday.

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i wish my ex would bother me, break my request for NC i wouldn't respond but it would be so much easier than now, im tormented by thinking she doesn't care! she wont ever ask if im ok, i know that, i will have to instigate it, and when i do i lose! thats it

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i wish my ex would bother me, break my request for NC i wouldn't respond but it would be so much easier than now, im tormented by thinking she doesn't care! she wont ever ask if im ok, i know that, i will have to instigate it, and when i do i lose! thats it

 

Trust me, you don't wish that. I can guarantee that your ex is thinking about you. People don't forget about a relationship that quickly. And by continually contacting me, she isn't giving me room to heal.

 

Besides, she has another boyfriend ( whom she started dating a week after the breakup), so I have nothing to say to her.

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Day 16

 

I found out from a friend that you sometimes regret breaking up and you still love me so on so forth, but you got your engagement ring yesterday which really dropped my mood and i cried for the first time in over a month(I really broke down).

 

how can someone admittedly put aside feelings for someone to dump them then instead of reconciliation you go and hookup with the beneficiary(rebound guy) a week later and then get engaged the next week? That makes ZERO since to me!! I understand the whole rebound thing, but and ENGAGEMENT to someone hat no one wants you with cause he literally is no good yet you say things like "I will always love him forever". You say these things even though he lies and adds girls and flirts with them and he also is going to the prom with his ex(that still likes him and is paying for everything) even though you told him you don't want to go. He has no regard for your feelings and you are engaged to HIM!! You make excuses like he has mental problems and he treats me great, and he has a problem with flirting with girls he said he will stop it takes time.

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Day 17:

 

Also a semi-sad day cause of what I found out yesterday and I actually saw pictures of the ring today(she doesn't want to tell anyone yet cause I believe she is afriad of what people will say)

 

My mother comment on your status about prom and you didn't like it so you message me saying can you tell your mom to stop putting things on my page that I don't like. Then you delete her from Facebook.

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Count me in.. I am new to the site, but I love her so much that I have tried pretty much everything else. I know she loves me alot to so I believe its worth it to work on me and heal. I started my NC yesterday with a letter to her. I just let her know that I would contact her when I am ready and to not try and contact me. We broke up 3 weeks ago. Have seen eachother every weekend but last weekend and made passionate love, but she is still so confused and hurt. I am doing no contact to work on my flaws, but also to allow her to see more clearly that I did love her and that I did care. I accept your 30 day challenge.

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Day 1: A letter to her

 

I thought we were starting to work at getting back together. I thought you were filling more of your time with me and less of your time with him. I thought we had started making that transition to being happy again. A month ago you told me you weren't happy, that you missed me, that you were lonely, and that you don't like not talking to me. You told me you still had strong feelings for me, even though before you said you didn't. I always knew you were lying, that you weren't over me like you said. This is what 10 days of NC did to you. I shouldn't have been so quick to give in, but I love you so much and jumped at the chance to be with you again. You said you were so confused and didn't know what to do. You said we should take it one day at a time and keep talking. I shouldn't have agreed to this, but I was under the impression you wanted me back. We talked several nights a week, and even started meeting up. You were more open with me than you had been since the break up. You let yourself laugh with me and have fun. I loved this, but I ended up getting pulled right back in. I began thinking about you constantly again. Days when we didn't talk were torture, and when you would turn down a meeting with me it killed. Even though you were much more open to seeing me and talking to me, I should have realized that the lack of flirtiness and intimacy in our meetings was a red flag. I thought I was starting to pull you away from him. Last night you told me that you were still seeing him and that you've become even closer. He doesn't deserve you. He just happened to be there when you were vulnerable and you let him charm you off your feet. I should have let go right then, but I couldn't take it. When I first found out you were sleeping together it tore me apart. He's gone all the time because of his job, yet you remain in a relationship with him. What has he done to deserve that kind of arrangment, where he can come and go as he needs and you'll continue to be there for him? I asked you what was going on between us, why were you more open to talking to me? You said that you didn't want to lose having me in your life. I told you that you can't have it both ways, and as much as I hate it we probably shouldn't talk anymore. You said that's not how you wanted it to be, that you didn't want it to be awkward between us, but accepted it. It was really late and we were both so tired that you said I should go and we'll talk about it later. I don't know what you meant by that, but I intend to start my NC challenge and follow through with it. On Monday you have an extremely important doctors appt to take care of the stomach problems that have plagued you forever. I wish I could be there for you, I really do. I even bought you your favorite movie on Blu Ray so you could watch it afterwards. It's still on my shelf. Now I won't even be able to hear how it went unless you take it upon yourself to tell me, which I doubt you will after last night. I also told you I wanted to be taken off the lease for the apt I lived in with you, so I know you'll have to contact me about what needs to be done there eventually. I can't let myself be dragged down again like last time, so don't expect me to come chasing after you again.

 

I miss you so much, more than I've ever missed anything. Even the things that used to drive me crazy I miss, like your messiness or finding your bobby pins all over the place. I miss seeing you everyday. I miss holding you in my arms and having you be mine. I miss having your love. I miss you waking me up in the middle of the night so I would assure you we'd be together forever. You hurt me so much. You're the only one I've ever loved, and I'm the only one you've ever loved. They say you can't appreciate true love until you've been burned. I've now been burned and I appreciate. Problem is you haven't been burned yet. You said last night that you used to think we could get back together, but now you're not so sure. I am sure. You are the love of my life, and if this is what we need to go through to be together, then it's what we must do. What we had was too wonderful not to give it a second chance eventually. It's going to take a lot of work when that day comes, but it will be worth it. My family is so mad at you for what you've done to me that it's going to be hard to win them over again, but I believe it can be done. Time is what we need. I feel like I've wasted the last three months by chasing you and hanging on. I should've done this from the start. I've never made you feel like you are losing me. I was your safety net. Before, it only took 10 days of NC for you to swallow your pride and come after me. I don't believe you did this out of pride just to get back control. You're not that kind of person. You are an emotional person, and you did out of feelings for me. This was misleading, though, because you still didn't know what you wanted and by welcoming you back with open arms I only made things worse. I thought I was getting off easy, and that 10 days of NC was enough to do the trick. I had started moving on, but then ended up completely relapsing. I hope I didn't lose you for good. My friends who know you tell me it's not too late, but that we need to put real distance between us first.

 

You are the Kelly Kapowski to my Zack Morris. The Mary Jane to my Peter Parker. The Rachel to my Ross. One thing they all have in common is that they all went through break ups, but still found each other in the end. I've known you since we were kids, and even though this is real life and not fiction, people always told us our relationship was like a fairy tale. No love story is complete without some heartbreak, and never is it finished without a happy ending.

 

I miss you so much, Baby, and I love you even more.

 

This is Day 1

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Originally Posted by FloridaMan

Brings to mind this great rock song from 1965 (one of the greatest years of rock and roll - The Beach Boys, Beatles, etc.):

Laugh, Laugh

The Beau Brummels

 

 

Laugh, laugh.

I thought I'd die.

It seems so funny to me.

You met a guy who taught you how it feels to be.... lonely..

 

Haha nice ill be laughing even more when they officially part.

I think I have smoooooth sailing till then HAHA!!

 

Glad you like that.

I thought of this thread while hearing that song in one of my '60s rock and roll CDs I was listening to in my car CD the other day.....

Great "get even" song where the woman comes back to the guy she dumped bec. she thought the guy she left him for was gonna be "the one...."

 

Other lyrics of the great song

 

Don't think I'm being funny when I say

You got just what you deserve

I can't help feeling you found out today

You thought you were too good you had a lot of nerve

 

Won't say I'm sorry for the things I said

I'm glad he packed up to go

You kept on bragging he was yours instead

Found you don't know everything there is to know

 

Before I go I'd like to say one thing

Don't close your ears to me

Take my advice and you'll find out that being just another girl won't cause you misery

 

You say you can get any boy at your call

Don't be so smug or else you'll find you can't get any boy at all

You'll wind up an old lady sitting on the shelf

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Day 19

 

Wow, the mornings are getting tougher. I had to cry a little today because your name came up a few times during the weekend from some of my friends. I am still trying to forget you. A part of me is sad you haven't cracked and attempted to contact me. But I'm also glad you are honoring my request to stop contacting each other. I feel like my brain is falling apart and you're moving on with your life. I need to also move on and find my own happiness. I know what has to be done - I just need to force myself to get over you.

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day 6

every day gets worse, the longest i have ever been without any contact. i just miss you so much, i havnt heard your voice, i miss your laugh. nights are so hard. i know its gonna get alot worse before it gets better. i like to think you are feeling the exact same, and doing the same, struggling to sleep, forever having me on your mind, i know you dont though, your to strong for it to affect you and ruin your day

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