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THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2


SuperDave71
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Day 7

 

I think I'm on day 7. I don't really remember anymore. I've been distracting myself with work and life. I went on a date on the weekend - of course, couldn't stop thinking about you. But I've been much happier lately. I'm now able to really focus at work. It's just only tough waking up in the morning and going to bed. I think the next 7 days are going to be insanely tough. But I'll get through it all.

 

I've been listening to a lot of Death Cab for Cutie and White Lies. I highly recommend for those going through tough times and need a good cry.

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Day 13:

 

I've tried distracting myself with friends, reading, going out etc... Thing is I can't stop watching your profile or reading your blog especially after you wrote that you miss things and people from the past. Bad thing is you spoke with my best friend and you still sed that you're going out with that rebound guy. Damn I wish I could just delete you from my head for some time... I wish you would admit you were wrong, come crying to me so I should take you back... I just love you and I know I would take you back if I see you really meaning it! I need a good cry...

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Day 10: No contact - Had a dream about you last night.... we were all wrapped up in bed going to sleep and when I hugged you, you embraced it with love and we went to sleep...... woke up wishing it wasn't a dream. I find my self listen to "Chrisette Michele - All I Ever Think About" because you have been on my mind four mornings straight when I get up........

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Day 3- You called 3x last nite and came over but I refused to pick up or open the door. A part of me still wants you back, but also I am beginning to think maybe you are not so great as I thought you were. I have issues, but you magnified them even when I tried my best. I want to call you out for posting nasty things about me on FB bc my friends ask about it and it's embarrassing. I am debating whether to break NC so I can tell you to remove the post and that I need time to think things through.

My outlook has really changed since Sunday when all I did was miss you and wanted you back. Now I miss you, but pissed off that you've repeatedly disrespected me by saying or posting sh.t about me. You don't do that to someone you love!

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Day 17 -NC works! I fought it and fought it ](*,)(stubborn I know) but I need to learn things the hard way, always been like that. In 2 days it will be 3 months since the break up, when you ripped my world apart. I wonder if you are counting the days? I get the feeling you are starting to miss me (or the comfort of me). Just little signs I pick up on. But I guess its not enough for you to want to try to reach out to me. I am strangley ok with that. You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have!

 

I am sure you saw me the other morning when you left your house. I heard a door slam, looked over and there you were. But whats weird is that YOU were looking directly at my place. I was out there first! In no way was I "waiting for you" "stalking" or "casing". Us living so close used to be a blessing, now its more of a cruel joke. I just put my head down, turned around and went back inside. Were you going to wave? Acknowledge me in any way? I D K and truly don't care. Like I mentioned in an earlier post, I am going to do my best not to run into you. Its better this way.

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Actually on Day 3 now But I accept the challenge from there, Feel like crap today sat watching tv on the sofa as mates got exams all week, I just want her back or be over her right now, I am finding I tend to feel worse during the morning and early afternoon then alot better towards the evening. Feel very lonely also worried there are no other women in my life I am close to.

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I broke NC by emailing the ex and asking him not to contact me since he's been calling and stopping by my house. I told him there are big decisions I need to make and I need time, so when I'm ready I'll get in touch. Also, I asked him to remove his stupid status about me (grrr). He said he removed it immediately once he posted and has disabled his FB.

 

Does this warrant as breaking NC? I don't want to have to start over from day 1. And also, is NC all that better than LC if I do eventually want to get back together?

 

So confused, I'll just see pray about this and hope that soon I have a decision with clarity and not muddled emotions/thoughts.

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Day 12

 

This week is much more difficult than last week. Last week I was feeling shock and anger which are at least stimulating emotions.

 

Now I feel depressed.

 

So I lost my boyfriend because of a threesome. We'd been together for a year, he wanted to have a threesome and I said okay. We reserved a room downtown and hit the bars to hunt for hotties haha. We ran into a couple on the street and asked them about bars and then my bf asked them to join us. We sat at a table and drank a lot of beer and watched football (this was back in January). Turns out the guy was just her friend. After the football game was over, my bf said well we're going back to the hotel for a romp and she said really that's what I'd do and he said maybe you should join us. And she said [me] wouldn't like that and he said you should ask her. And she did and I said definitely. She's a hot 26 year-old. So we walked back to the hotel.

 

To be continued....

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day 2, 3, dunno, its been easy though, i haven't thought about you, at all till now, but its good, if its like this i will be fine, i am avoiding everything, no looking at pics either, and its good, when i am further down the line i will allow myself to look at our pics, and i will be good and happy about our time together!

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Day 19.. i think, there abouts anyway. Starting to get over the initial hard "2-3 week" hump. Thoughts of her today at work were down to literally under 2-3, and I worked 9.5 hours! Probably because it was a very busy day and I had a lot to do, but even when I was busy recently I've still thought about her, today I can say I barely have for some reason. Feels great to be back at the gym for the first time in 7 months, its only been a week, but I'm already starting to feel and see results as my initial gains should be pretty big due to muscle memory and previous training. As far as wanting to contact her? I can honestly say I don't want to. Sure, my ego feels a little neglected, but I think every once in a while it's good to feel the "sting" or the lonely side of being single. Keeps me human, and will allow me to appreciate even more my next love.

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Day 6: I feel the hurt cause I did tell her that i don't want any contact until she gets her life straight. The last two times I tried going NC I didn't tell her that I was and she contact me after 5 days both times. I felt I was losing her by doing LC so I decided NC is best. I feel the anxiety in my chest when I think of her it's usually there everyday for almost the whole day. Thankfully I'm not depressed anymore.

 

Jersey sounds like your almost to the point where you can move on

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Day 4 - Woke up and first thought wasn't her this strangely made me a little happier this morning. I have managed to Identify some of the problems with the relationship and ways I can improve in the future, I still want her back but I think in my mind I know whatever happens she won't want me back. She said she wants to be friends but I think I realise now that she was just trying to be nice and make it hurt less for me. I feel like she doesn't care or love or even miss me because we haven't spoken but I suppose that's just me being stupid.

 

Oh how I pray for another chance.

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Day 14:

 

Just woke up thinking about you again. I feel I'm getting stronger. Yesterday I went to a friend of yours to fix her PC and you told her to take me to your home so we can all have coffee. I didn't go! It all makes sense... you ask about me a lot, you wrote that sad stuff on your blog, you try to get better with my best friend, you invite me to your house to drink coffee... then why the heck are you still with that rebound kid and don't try to call me or something????

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Day 17

 

I wish you were an awful person so I could hate you and realize I'm better off without you, but the truth is, I'm not better off without you. You are an amazing person and the girl out there who gets to end up with you is really lucky. The only thing I'm angry at you for is convincing me that whole time that that girl was going to be me. It makes me sick to think you said all those things to me when deep down you didn't mean it or were having second thoughts. It has really screwed with my head.

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day 15, day 0

yes i did break my NC i know i should feel ashamed, but i had a very good reason, i wanted to tell her the truth about something i felt, i needed to have closure on that particular thing... i know she will ignore me, but at least i made her know that i knew our relationship was a faked happiness.

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day 7

I felt good from the start, I woke up thinking about her like always. I found out her and her rebound had there first real argument/fight, that got me excited and at the same time sad cause I don't want to see her sad. But then again I do want them together. I don't know if she will ever contact me, cause i did tell her I don't want any contact until her life Is straight.

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day 4 just finishing!

i dunno its been a very strange one today, i was thinking about her last night, had dreams about her, had a terrible night sleep, but haven't really been thinking about her.

we had a good talk at the weekend, and i came out of that feeling abit angry with her, its made me for get about her, think * * * * it, i have been telling myself this anyway, its worked, iv made my self stay angry!, i don't want to stay like that but it will help me get over her. but yeah its been a beautiful sunny warm day, and i have had no plans today, sat outside in the garden, i got as sad as i have felt since the break up 3 weeks ago! i thought this weather would be good to me, but we share the same love of the simple things, its why i love her, walks, the smell of flowers, the sounds of the birds. i felt * * * * ing terrible. i tried to forget about her but couldn't, the best times i have had were in the beautiful weather just me and her in the middle of the country side secluded! i had to get busy then, get working, anything, so i started abit of whittling, and it cleared my head. i hope she feels the same. she wont find someone on the same level as her and shares the same loves, she will miss it with me

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shes testing my * * * * ing nerves now, shes making me angry on purpose, i want her back, but if she calms down and comes asking and begging i wont forget this! shes gonna have to acknowledge this, and how hurtful it is!

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