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THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2


SuperDave71
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Still Day 1

 

I'm going a little bit insane here. I have to leave for work in 20 mintues and my eyes are red and puffy as hell. I wonder if he feels like a jerk yet. He should because he is. It's a wonder that every single one of his exes thinks he's a manipulative jerk. I actually talked to one that said "Stay away from him, I thougt he was a nice guy but then I realized his games will never end." She didn't know that I already knew that from the last 50 times we were together. I hope I will learn my lesson this time. I can't wait 'till I get over this.

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Day 5

 

I'm afraid I'm gonna contact him! I can tell I'm a risk right now because it seems like a good idea to do it. Arg! I have crazy fluctuations, yesterday I was horribly depressed all day, today I was sobbing in the morning but felt better for the rest of the day until now. Other days I've been fine almost all day! Not that I don't think about him every second. It's really more like Day 13 with 2 minor contacts from him in the meantime. I'm not sure if it's getting easier. My insides hurt.

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Day 3

 

I've been coping. Some moments are harder then others, but I know I will not give in. I won't let myself give in this time. I blocked him on facebook and msn three days ago, and have not contacted him either since he broke up with me. Yesterday night I recieved a text from him, wishing me good luck in college today, but I didn't respond and deleted it together with his number right away. I wonder why he still texts me, but I'm not going to give in.

 

But I am worried though. We have mutual friends and we're going out this friday. Ofcourse, he's going too. I really want to go aswell, but I have no idea if this is such a good idea actually. I'm afraid seeing him will make me hurt even more, but on the other hand, if he is going to have fun with our friends, why should I be the one who sits at home crying? I could really need some advise on this one...

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Day 6. It's so hard. I have so much regret and I just want to call him so bad. I miss him so so much, more than I ever have before. Also it's only day 6 if I'm a purist, it's been 2 weeks with only 2 small contacts from him. It doesn't feel like it's getting easier. I cry all the time. I can't even trust myself to make small talk with strangers, I feel so shaky and on the brink. I love him so much.

 

I wish he could recognize how flawed he was and how lucky he was to have me. I know how lucky we were to have each other, I don't think I'll ever find someone as perfect but I'm worried he won't realize it until it's too late, when we're like 80. At least if we never get back together, I hope he spends the rest of his life regretting it. I'm letting myself be a petty crybaby right now.

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Day 1

 

I had to talk to him yesterday about getting his things. I decided to just mail everything to him. This time I am being strict about NC. It's a really hard thing to do. Everytime I think I'm over it, something reminds me of us and I start to cry out of nowhere. This sucks, but I know it's something I have to do. If you love something you have to let it go....and if it comes back then it means so much more...but if it doesn't then at least you will know that it was something you had to go through to grow...

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Back to Day 1?

 

After 10 months of being on NC, yesterday it was through facebook somehow I posted a comment just before she posted one on one of our mutual friends status so she goes seconds after I posted she goes Lol, you type weird I'm like lol ? I know? and then she goes hey yo old man when are you ever gonna add me again?, I'm like wow straight to the damn point... I go well too lazy add me if you want but text the phone cause I don't get on msn as much... well after this she hasn't said a word so I'm like eh?? what the hell was the point of this? now fellas I truly need your opinion on this situation cause I feel stuck o_o

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Back to the challenge, I can't even call this day 1. I broke NC yesterday. Actually sent an email that I wrote for myself. The honest about how I was feeling. (and she isn't going to like a few added parts!). No cussing or anything of that nature. Today, I felt bad about it so sent her another email apologizing and telling her what is going on in my life (like she has the right know. Never volunteer information, I explain that to clients all the time!). Any, told her I am doing good, new job soon, vacations I have planned, working out. Told her we were blind, I don't hate her or blame her for the breakup and promised never to contact her again. I plan never to contact her again. Funny, after a day of feeling low, I always feel 1000x better the next day and filled with energy and motivation. Today, is definitely the day I put her in my past and move forward with my life. Still some internal battles to fight, but as far as her. I am finished. I will never initiate contact again. Ever.

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Day 20

 

Days go by and I'm still holding on to him in my heart. I wonder if he yearns to me, or simply got me out of his head.

I wish I could know if we ever gonna get back together again. I'm weary, lost, and know not what to do.

I know he is supposed to initiate contact at least just ask how I have been. I want to hear from him, but I so much doubt it.

College is next Sunday, and I'm afraid how my feelings would be. The hurt is still there, but half asleep. I'm afraid it will be awaken all over again, and I honestly don't trust my reaction...

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Day 21... I can't believe it's been three weeks! I'm doing well, although I cheat now and again by looking at his Facebook. Nothing else, though! I know this is prolonging my healing, but looking at it for a few seconds keeps me from wanting to contact him, so I give myself that. I think he misses me, but it doesn't matter, since I'm slowly accepting that he may have said repeatedly that he cares about me quite a lot, but his actions said something completely different.

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If its only 3 days in - I personally would not go - Im 3 months out and a mutual friend of ours is having a party in two weeks that I will miss because she will be there

 

Oh - day I dunno

 

She still haunts me and I still miss her to a degree..........thought about breaking NC to see how things are in her world, but i know it will only be ignored and that it wont do me any good........

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BACK TO DAY 1

 

I e-mailed him yesterday to ask him to remove me from his contact e-mail list. I didn't want every single joke he sends to come through to me. I'm feeling OK though, starting to accept that its over and actually working towards getting over him and not clinging to the idea of us getting back together.

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Day 19

 

Wow, nearly 3 weeks. Met with two of her boys yesterday, one of them celebrated his 21st, so we went for a couple of drinks. Didn't bring her up in conversation at all. Life is defintely getting easier and I can now see a future without her. I'm giving this 30 days and then I will have to make contact as I still have lots of stuff to pick up from her place. Then it will hit her that we are really over. She asked for space, she got it, she will not intitiate contact, too stubborn, I will have to make the final decision.

 

If she is happier now then we are really done, if she is still unsure, then I will finish it. I have to get on with my life and move on, have lots of plans for my future now. However, if she does want to talk through any issues and give it another go, I would have to think long and hard about it.

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