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THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2


SuperDave71
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Never break NC. It will pain you so much that you want to just take some medicine and sleep till the pain is gone. I was so happy yesterday and now I am a wreck. Never break NC. Not even if there is a earthquake, hurricane, war, and bla bla bla. I broke my NC becoz I saw in the morning in news 4 hurricane Alexis causalties in the city he lives. I was fine for few hours. I called him and talked to him. And now lightening struck. I am just hurting bad. It is worse than the feeling I had when he first broke up with me. So never ever break the NC if you do not want to feel pain.

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It's been 15 days and I'm wondering when the anger will stop.

 

Being angry is good. But don't keep it inside. One day go out and scream at top of your voice. You will feel better. You will heal faster. Don't break NC. Or you will be a wreck like me.

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oh brother, day 1 again...

 

in the forum chat to catch up with some friends, he was in, hes a mod so couldnt put him on ignore but we were really sound with each other, he sent me aheart etc, and i went into another chat room

 

i then see a past message from him "if julia roberts kissed me, id light up

 

if he jus went on about her being good looking i wouldnt have minded, but i took it to heart cos he went on about another kissing him...anno anno logic says otherwise, and i kinda felt weird and mentioned it to him. we text about it and it wasnt exactly bad nor good tho, but explained why i felt funny bout it and i asked him to fone me to sort it, he said he'd fone me today. I then text this morning to say its ok, i know it was jus an off the cuff remark kinda thing and he didnt have to fone me. i thought it best cos i know it could very easily turn for the worst and didnt really want that, and jus wanted some space myself. its jus last time we split it was over him going on and on and on about other women all the time, and i jus thought, well feared, "he hasnt changed really"

 

im back in NC/NIC - im gunna have to stay off that site, its jus i have so much fun on there and meet some great people and a male friend who gets my issues and i get his, and we both in same boat kinda thing

 

but least i went to friends today and got out my four walls, as they dont help with being on a break. i wish i had a car so i could get out better (i live middle of nowhere with crap transport) cos i think thats hindering me with nc and/or healing and moving on

 

 

i wonder if he will leave it another cpl days then email me again as usual this past week??

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Being angry is good. But don't keep it inside. One day go out and scream at top of your voice. You will feel better. You will heal faster. Don't break NC. Or you will be a wreck like me.

 

Absolutely... do NOT bottle it up. Once you've let it out enough, hopefully you'll feel a little tired/exhausted but not as down.

 

And yes, if you reach out in any way, you will set the clock back. Maybe one day you will be able to do so... but only if your emotionally in a much better state.

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i wonder if he will leave it another cpl days then email me again as usual this past week??

 

well that didnt take long....10mins after posting this he texted...so i explained i wasnt getting at him, i was jus explaining my perception of stuff, and that i wanted some space too and he text back with something else bout him not going to bed for two days, cos i said i was tired. seems we cant talk without emotional rawness, but we cant stop contacting each other either for more than a day or two. i know abit of space would be ok for us, and would help shelve any conflicts that might arise from our emotions, yet he seems to panic as much as i do this time round, when its come to me asking for nc.

 

but least he seems to wanna stay in picture and work on us as i work on me

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Never break NC. It will pain you so much that you want to just take some medicine and sleep till the pain is gone. I was so happy yesterday and now I am a wreck. Never break NC. Not even if there is a earthquake, hurricane, war, and bla bla bla. I broke my NC becoz I saw in the morning in news 4 hurricane Alexis causalties in the city he lives. I was fine for few hours. I called him and talked to him. And now lightening struck. I am just hurting bad. It is worse than the feeling I had when he first broke up with me. So never ever break the NC if you do not want to feel pain.

Great advice! I'm on Day 7. Staying strong. She won't be hearing from me, that's for damn sure.

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I can't believe it's Day 57! All those who are just starting out on Day 1 or in the early stages - it gets easier!! Hang in there, and you will just not want to pick up that phone. Facebook seems harder but I haven't checked his in weeks nor do I intend to

 

Today was my first day at my job in the real world. Now that I'm working, it's a good distraction, and I'm very happy with where I'm at. Since I made the move, I'm even closer to my ex in distance. Worst part is, I am temporarily living in an apt that is 2 doors away from where my ex used to live. Funny how life works out, but it's been also a trip down memory lane every time I walk out the door. Pretty painful.

 

I'm doing ok though. I keep wondering if I'll ever see or run into him these next few months...but he won't be hearing from me!

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DAY 3 -I'm not feeling bad at all... I guess I'm really fed-up now...

 

He tried contacting me today via Skype.

I blocked and deleted him on Skype on Day 1 of NC, don't know how the message still came through.

He just said, "Hi there. How are you? Nice pic."

I ignored it, Yay! Don't care if I never hear from him again

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I've been reading up and my perception of NC is making damn sure Im not the one who initiates it but if Im contacted then to be polite and upbeat. Now this only applies if you want your ex BACK. Me? I'm undecided.

 

Regardless Ive been replying to her texts so Im on Day 1

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Day 15.

 

Hang in there guys. A note from my personal experience... it's taken me 5+ months to get to the point of forging on through this. Twice I've gone somewhere between 15-19 days, but felt an overwhelming urge and caved by the old "have a good weekend" or something like that. The end result? I set myself back and was just resetting the emotional clock. For now, she is gone.. I've got to get there too.

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I read something helpful yesterday that I wanted to share. It's a way we can trick ourselves into feeling for a few minutes that we're getting over them.

 

OK -- this is the gist. I hope I'm not plagrizing. ..

 

Think back to a boyfriend/girlfriend you had in the past that you don't think of anymore. You loved them or liked them a lot before you moved on. Remember them and think about how you feel about them now. Probably doesn't hurt or even cross your mind on a weekly basis. Hold on to that peace.

 

Are we still going to hurt over our current exes 20 years from now? If they don't come back? Naaahhhhh.

 

Now, let's fast forward 20 years. Make believe that you're (in my case) 53 and happily settled in life doing what you want. See what it feels like in the future and hold on that feeling. Imagine that it's been so long that you're happily married, have great job, a house, maybe children.

 

Maybe it didn't work out with your ex, but that's OK, you don't think of him/her anymore. You've had other things to worry about now. The last 20 years have been full of other relationships, volunteer work, concerts, tea, yoga, reading good books, movies, even deaths of loved ones, vacations, job success and stress, going to baseball games, hiking in the mountains, shopping, good nights of drinking, etc...

 

Someday we'll get there. Let's just pretend maybe 20 minutes a day that we're 20 years older and try to look back and envision we're over them.

 

Note, we can be over them, and they still come back. Being over someone doesn't mean it won't happen in the future. We're just healing for our own. This for us right now. We can't plan ahead for someone else to wake up and come back to us.

 

Not sure if that makes sense. But it's really helping me reduce the sharp knife feelings in my chest.

 

I'm coming to terms with the fact that he's moved on and doesn't think about me much and will never contact me again. I'm feeling and remembering who I am by taking care of myself. I've realized that throughout the whole thing that I've always been here with myself and I'm a good person and have always and will continue to be a hell of a good catch. That hasn't changed just because he isn't in my life anymore. I'm feeling (sometimes) like I did before I met him.

 

The only thing that's different is that someone I loved is gone because he left me. Things have hurt worst when people left my life because of death and there's no chance of seeing them again, my best friend in high school, my grandparents, my first boyfriend, my favorite aunt and uncle, my favorite dog Lassie. I'm healed from those. How could this situation of loss end differently?

 

God, and the fact that good things are still in me and God is what really matters.

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So this is the second day in a row the ex had to come in my area at work, laughing and drawing attention to herself. I have no idea if she knew that I would hear it or if she even cared. Only half a week more of this.

 

On to day 16. Longest I've gone is 18 twice...on the 19th she broke it once and I broke it the other time.

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Day 1 in the books. Day 2 now.

 

Previously I've been polite when contacted now I may just not respond to any contact period. It's human nature to want what you can't have. Seeing how my ex reveled in the post-break attention now she gets none. No flowers, no compliments, no acknowledgments that she exists or that I want her back at all.

 

I laid my heart on the line and she told me to move on so that's exactly what I'm going to do. Chicks often times say one thing and mean another: well she gets what she asked for.

 

No contact is easier is you dwell on all the negative aspects of the person, fellas. I don't want her back anymore. Who's pushing now?

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Hang in there everyone...think about it this way: your number one priority is YOU, and if you ex gf/bf has made this decision, it is time we take back our dignity and self respect.

 

I know that I always have caved between two and three weeks... not this time. The last contact we had was respectful and dignified from my side, and if that is the last memory she has of me then I am OK with that.

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