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THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2


SuperDave71
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Day 16

 

I wish I would have went strict NC immediately after D day (11/29/09). I feel so much better just within these past 16 days compared to how I felt the whole month of December with NC/LC. I dont know if its NC doing its' magic, the fact that I have met someone else who I think I like, or a combination of both, but the days arent all gloomy like they were even just a few weeks ago. I still think about my ex a lot and would still like to reconcile but I'm not crossing my fingers and toes for it to happen anymore. I do still wonder what she is up to, how she is doing, and if she misses and still loves me but I have no desire to contact her to find out about any of it as long as she is still with her boss.

Edited by syxx87
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Day 2

I still haven't gone to look at his webpages but I looked up the supposed new girls...crap. Is that braking the NC?

 

No its ok...But you're just hurting yourself by snooping around.

The less you know while in NC the better.The other one can use that tool to hurt you or maybe to make you jealous.Remove him from your pc and keep only an email for him to contact you.Read th NC rule again

Edited by bitebenot
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What is you're age group ? Argue over what ? Why so many break-ups by you ? Break-ups to kick his spirit everytime ? Hes pissed,anyone would be !

Many break-ups are verrrry badddd ! You're stubborn and so is he.

Doesnt look good at all ! You were digging your own grave here.Maybe you took him for granted because he always came back.Sorry but you were immature ! You will need a miracle for him to come back to you,he wont give in so easely this time.NC in this case wont do much as far as i know unless you are ready and willing to lose him.What do you want ? tell me so i can help you the best way i can.I believe there is always a remedy for a problem.

When you love someone a break-up is not an option.

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2 weeks... her mother called and left me a voice mail saying that my ex called her and was upset that i wouldn't talk to her that after four years i didn't want to be her friend... Her mother told her that of course i wouldnt' want to talk to her that i was in love with her and she broke my heart... so today her mother called again ( again i have been NC with the whole family.. just makes things hard) she said that if i dont call back she'll take it that i don't want to talk to her and that that is ok if that is how i need to heal. So if i don't call back we'll leave it at that. It's nice that at least the mother understands whats going on.

 

Ok,leave it the way it is and wait..i think something should happen soon.If she talked to her mother about you it means she misses you ! Just give her more time.

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Day 20 of no contact here. Nearing two months since our breakup.

I wonder if I'm doing so well that she's afraid to contact me?

 

If she still love you she will.Give her more time.Its not unusual for someone to call even after 5 months.The problem is that she might lose for good since you are moving on.Im sure she didnt forget you.

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No bitebenot...you don't know the story therefore you have no business calling me imature or anything else unless you have the facts. Let me enlighten you just a tish here...Oh and by the way....I'm 46 years old and was married for 18 years...10 years since my divorce...that help ya out at all??

 

There were chances given to this man...too many actually.....I was the fool and chose to overlook many red flags in getting involved with this man. He wasn't a monster but there were many things that were just "off". I felt it...I knew it...I ignored it.....I payed.

 

If someone abuses me(emotionally, verbally) repeatedly and boundries have been placed and that person continues to try and abuse...then I remove that person from my life. That is what I did and that was the right thing to do.

He came back both times promising change that didn't happen. I trusted that he would be true to his word but again....that didn't happen. When an ultimatum was finally given by me, he exploded and decided to end the relationship right then. True colors came out. It doesn't hurt any less. Those are the facts in a nutshell.

I would do whatever it would take to make a relationship work if I love that person and I hung tight. People can change things if they want to. We can't make them want to especially when all blame is placed elsewhere and they will not look at what part they may play. I didn't break him....I certainly can't fix him.

Was my mistake taking him back and letting it be repeated but I did and DO love him......I have my own stuff to look at in why I would tolerate verbal and emotional abusiveness from a significant other and I am working hard now in counseling, reading, journaling and all that I can to build myself up to where I really need to be so that in the future at the first sign of abusiveness I'm out of there. So there ya go. Nothing to do with being immature...I believe just the opposite.

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77 friggin days of Total NC in its purest form. If you had to define NC you would use me as an example! Deleted fb, havent spoken to mutual friends, asked all my friends to cut contact and even avoided places i would run into her. So you would think that such complete NC would make the ex come sniffing around right? I did too, I guess thats why I still cant believe that i havent heard a peep. I guess she forgot about my existence! Can i have the past 4 years of my life back please?

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77 friggin days of Total NC in its purest form. If you had to define NC you would use me as an example! Deleted fb, havent spoken to mutual friends, asked all my friends to cut contact and even avoided places i would run into her. So you would think that such complete NC would make the ex come sniffing around right? I did too, I guess thats why I still cant believe that i havent heard a peep. I guess she forgot about my existence! Can i have the past 4 years of my life back please?

 

77 days of NC and no word from her ... woah that is pretty disheartening I hope you hear from her soon if you truly want to.

Edited by LostDavid
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OK,accept my apologies..is this case you are totaly right ! For that relationship to work he would have to go for a therapy...i dont think he will since hes the stubborn type.Hes abusive verbaly and emotionally. I think to much damage has been done here. For a man of his age,i believe they rarely change,no hope here.Unless hes ready and proves that he making progress somehow, you have to cut all contact.Many break-ups and no change...

I think you should just let him go for good since the past says it all.

You did your best,what else could you do ! Stay in NC and move on for your own sake and take care of yourself.

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77 friggin days of Total NC in its purest form. If you had to define NC you would use me as an example! Deleted fb, havent spoken to mutual friends, asked all my friends to cut contact and even avoided places i would run into her. So you would think that such complete NC would make the ex come sniffing around right? I did too, I guess thats why I still cant believe that i havent heard a peep. I guess she forgot about my existence! Can i have the past 4 years of my life back please?

 

Same for me but 105 days ! Doesnt mean she wont ! Sometimes its in between 3 and 5 months(average from what i saw).

NC is also about healing..no garantess the ex will come back,sad but true.

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OK,accept my apologies..is this case you are totaly right ! For that relationship to work he would have to go for a therapy...i dont think he will since hes the stubborn type.Hes abusive verbaly and emotionally. I think to much damage has been done here. For a man of his age,i believe they rarely change,no hope here.Unless hes ready and proves that he making progress somehow, you have to cut all contact.Many break-ups and no change...

I think you should just let him go for good since the past says it all.

You did your best,what else could you do ! Stay in NC and move on for your own sake and take care of yourself.

 

 

Apology accepted. And I agree....he is extremely stubborn and won't admit to any part of the deteroration of the relationship. Done banging my head against the wall but...it is still very painfull.I held out hope for a long time. This time, it's different. Quiet, sad acceptance. When we dedicate our lives to a person for over 2 years and that person is gone...there will be a painfull void in one way or another.....got to get thru it to get to the other side.

 

I hope that in a few months I'll feel glad that he did it and stuck to his guns. I need the distance to really get the clarity ...like we all do, right?

Right now....it's miserable...that's the way it is.

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So I broke NC. But I think that I totally brain-ninja-ed my ex and it was GREAT!

 

So I called him and told him that I was just calling to "close the book" and I kept my cool the entire time. So I told him that it was definitly over because I just still think he's a jerk and I can't trust him. Then I told him nicely, and told him to take it seriously, that he needs to go see a psychologist because his ex really messed him up. I told him that he was like a beaten woman that keeps on wanting to go back (with his ex...who was psychologically abusing him). He actually agreed and thanked me for suggesting that.

 

I wonder if he's actually going to do that.

 

Otherwise I started a conversation on snowboarding and we chit chatted about that. I told him about my plans to go to Whistler and that I was going to judge a few snowboard contests and then we chatted about the local snowboard park and the progress.

 

Then, I told him that I was quite disapointed that he was going to party at the local resort at the same time as me and my girlfriends this weekend... I guess he felt bad and akward at this point. Then I told him its ok, because I guess we cant avoid seeing each other since we're into the same types of things.

 

He kept on babbling on about some snowboarding stuff and I told him that I had to let him go. His voice became really raspy and sad-ish while I sounded upbeat. It felt really, really, good. It felt like I had the "upper hand". I start NC over.

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Ok,leave it the way it is and wait..i think something should happen soon.If she talked to her mother about you it means she misses you ! Just give her more time.

 

It's all up in the air and i honestly think she may be too late anyway. I am just oh here partially to finish the challange. And to post during the occasional break down.

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i am accepting. well, we dont contact each other a lot, but we do. and we, umm, still sleep with each other every now and then... i know, i shouldnt...

 

ANYWHO...

 

i will allow myself to contact him for work reasons... we dont work together anymore, but he works for a similar agency and has an inside scoop on some things me and my co workers need to know.

 

but other than that, nada! im gonna try real hard not to ask him to come over or accept his invites...

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Apology accepted. And I agree....he is extremely stubborn and won't admit to any part of the deteroration of the relationship. Done banging my head against the wall but...it is still very painfull.I held out hope for a long time. This time, it's different. Quiet, sad acceptance. When we dedicate our lives to a person for over 2 years and that person is gone...there will be a painfull void in one way or another.....got to get thru it to get to the other side.

 

I hope that in a few months I'll feel glad that he did it and stuck to his guns. I need the distance to really get the clarity ...like we all do, right?

Right now....it's miserable...that's the way it is.

 

I really know how you feel,my relationship died after 5 years.Give yourself some time.Every week you will get better and better.The hardest part is the void..we just cant fill it ! Its a difficult choice you make, but their is no other options.Too bad because hes losing a good women.His lost right ?

You probably been there before,you know how to forget as soon as possible.

Good luck to you and take care.

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No its ok...But you're just hurting yourself by snooping around.

The less you know while in NC the better.The other one can use that tool to hurt you or maybe to make you jealous.Remove him from your pc and keep only an email for him to contact you.Read th NC rule again

I deleted all his stuff off my computer a week and a half ago. But contacted him in between. All I have is just one email address. Now it's day 2 and I'm afraid I will start looking him up again. It's soo easy to do, but it will hurt. I wanted to soo badly today that I just slept the whole day away. Right now, online, I am so close to doing it. I'm so scared. I'm so sad.

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I deleted all his stuff off my computer a week and a half ago. But contacted him in between. All I have is just one email address. Now it's day 2 and I'm afraid I will start looking him up again. It's soo easy to do, but it will hurt. I wanted to soo badly today that I just slept the whole day away. Right now, online, I am so close to doing it. I'm so scared. I'm so sad.

 

Yes indeed it is hard,very hard,ask anyone in here including me.Ask yourself those questions: what good would it do to know what hes doing ? Or if there is a g/f ? Will only torture you ! The less you know the better it is. Its so gruesome to see that he might be happy whitout you.Or to see a picture of him kissing another girl on FB ! Stay away from snooping around,there is no advantage in it ! He wont forget you ok, so dont panic ! By being away from him it will make him think of you even more.If you brake NC you lose all the power you have left over him.Its your last hope and last chance to make a difference.If you have the urge to spy or call him or whatever,call a friend or family member,or come here for support.It will get easier with time.Soon enough your pride and self preservation will take over,it really will. And first of all,who is more important here ? YOU of course ! You cant be replaced by anyone.Keep busy as much as you can and start going out and have fun in anyway possible.Dont be alone for to long.When you go to bed,listen to a radio station(talk ,no music) to put your mind elsewhere.Start to think and believe its over,keep no hope alive it will only slow you down.If he loves you enough he will communicate.Hes thinking of you,trust me.Sometimes the dumper suffers just as much as the dumpee.So relax a bit,it will get better week by week.

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Day 3

 

No contact on either end. Wondering how she's doing. Hope she is taking care of herself and doing well. I miss her. The urges to send out an e-mail or pick up the phone and call are so great at times I fear I lose it.

 

I am praying every night before bed that she realizes and comes to her senses that she married me for a reason, that she still loves me for a reason and I hope she can over look any ill feeling she has that somehow she conjured up over the months to get to this point. Wishing that this nightmare will end, but a part of me, a tiny part, feels I'll be getting some document in the mail within the next two weeks so *sigh* I need to start embracing for it.

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-bitebenot-

 

I did it again. I went and looked at the new girls page.. For some reason I think just looking at her page is the lesser of the two evils and their was nothing there yesterday... but today there was. I just froze. Then quickly went away. I am torturing myself and it's so hard to stop. A 30yr old and a teen, I just dont get it. And I know I never will. I just feel so used and stupid and hurt. sigh..

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I wouldn't know as I'm not a pro at this but I would have to say yes if you knownly associate with him in any form (directly/indirectly). But that's my take on it ^^

Day 3 of NC...with him...but,

 

I'm starting to think yes as well because he's there. It's like going to a friends house knowing he is going to be there.

I know what what I'm doing is not good. My mind and heart are soo disconnected right now they aren't talking or listening to each other and the rest of me is just walking in a daze.

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Day 3 of NC...with him...but,

 

I'm starting to think yes as well because he's there. It's like going to a friends house knowing he is going to be there.

I know what what I'm doing is not good. My mind and heart are soo disconnected right now they aren't talking or listening to each other and the rest of me is just walking in a daze.

 

I understand exactly what you mean. My heart never stopped aching for her and I don't know when it will. My mind says "why go back to her if she wants this" "why accept her back after she put you through this!" - at times I do break down and cry a bit I miss her, I miss her laugh her smile her smell, her body near mine, everything about her. I wonder when if at all I will be able to move on. I imagine and wish for so much and I feel at times I know it's bad for me and I'm just torturing myself also.

 

I hate it and I just want her back sigh.

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I start massively texting my friend hoping she can talk me out of it...which is what i'm doing right now...

Most the time, though, I'm on my own so I try to instantly think of anything other then him and yell it out loud. Weird, I know. Or get up and move around.

But sadly, deep down, if I'm going to talk to him, it's going to happen no matter what I do to stop it. It was that deep down aspect that I finally got to shut off a few days ago, at my lowest point. Now as I'm learning to live with that switch off, I have to figure out how to turn off all the side switches that make me look others up

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