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Frustrated. Aah


hotchip

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This is more of a letting off steam/encouragement post than anything else.

 

Decided to contact the ex of 9 months a little over a week ago, it went surprisingly better than I expected and she ended up asking me for a meet up. It didn't happen in the end and due to it being the final week of this uni term we both have had far too much work to do so this week; however we have been texting every now and then and in particular tonight. She brought up a few things I wouldn't have otherwise spoken about (I could tell (well presume) by her responses and surprise to my replies that she wasn't just 'fishing') which is a significant improvement over our conversation (or lack of) over the last 4-9 months. We finish uni in 3 months so time is relatively short.

 

It's the easter break so we both go home for two-three weeks, after 3-4 months of no contact, 9 months of being broken up, just as things look up (I know not to look too much into simple conversation, I won't get any (real) hopes up until she says the words "I want to be with you again") we both disappear off apart for a few weeks. I know it might help, pulled together briefly then pulled apart but at the same time it's just frustrating. I've been doing great, meeting other women and have just generally multiplied in happiness and sense of self worth from the guy she remembers and now I feel a little downheartened again. Heading back home (overseas) on Monday morning where all my mates have left to work abroad and three weeks of complete isolation from any real conversation isn't going to help the thoughts. I'm not really sure how I'll feel, on one side I've been doing so well I'm convinced I won't even notice but on the otherside as this last weeks gone on I've gradually felt my weak spots pushing themselves in.

 

](*,)

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Ouch. I agree with theshoefairy-- you're still a bit too tender to get mixed up with her again.

There must be other fun things that you can do while back home that can distract you from thinking about this.

Do anything you can to refocus your energy back where it belongs.

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Cheers for the replies.

 

My housemate decided to head home today instead of Monday like me so I've been deserted already haha. I realised today that most of what I'm feeling isn't really to do with my ex, it's more to do with just being bored and fed up. I'm no good at being stuck on my own and living on a small island where all my mates have now left to work abroad means I'm going to be on my own.

 

I do agree though, I don't particularly care what the outcome with my ex is and I don't know exactly how I feel until I sit down with her and catch up but I do know I still have some feelings for her. I suppose it's just the waiting and thinking that's frustrating more than anything else.

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Tonight has sure been tough. Stuck literally on my own (it's so deserted without any students) and been fighting temptation to text her all night, I'm sure she'd reply but I know it'll make me look weak if I do. This boredom leads to anxiety which just makes me want to talk to her for comfort (I don't know why because I haven't had that for the last 4 months), 3 weeks feels like such a long time when you're waiting for something - I just wish I could feel the "3 weeks is nothing" (and it isn't) stage now, rather than in 3 weeks.

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Tonight has sure been tough. Stuck literally on my own (it's so deserted without any students) and been fighting temptation to text her all night, I'm sure she'd reply but I know it'll make me look weak if I do. This boredom leads to anxiety which just makes me want to talk to her for comfort (I don't know why because I haven't had that for the last 4 months), 3 weeks feels like such a long time when you're waiting for something - I just wish I could feel the "3 weeks is nothing" (and it isn't) stage now, rather than in 3 weeks.

 

hide ur phone and dont even think about.. keep busy doing other stuff..

 

watch a movie.. surf the web.. keep ur mind off her as best u can

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Thanks for the reply. Just what I needed.

 

I haven't texted her and I know I won't, it's just difficult especially when you have no distractions (not until Monday anyway) and the (perhaps irrational) anxiety phases show themselves. It was great talking to her this week, I think I just got stuck in the moment a little but the more I think about it the more this few weeks break might be a good thing. I've had that week of chatting to her and now I've got three weeks to reset myself and make sure I was as strong as I thought, a test of what NC did for me if you will. Perhaps she'll come back and want to meet up, perhaps she'll come back and we won't speak again, I know I'm prepared for both.

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I leave for 8 hours travelling (3 hours driving, 1 hour waiting for boat, 4 hours on boat) in 4 hours and having spent the day packing and cleaning none stop I'm absolutely shattered, really fighting the urge to contact; it's tougher when you know they'll reply.

 

Not looking forward to the travelling (apart from always getting seasick haha), I start driving at 4am my time and I won't have slept more than three hours so I'm gonna be knackered. It always feels like I'm heading away from something when the boat leaves, it's like an ironic metaphor for how I feel at the time. It's only three weeks but time feels so short now with only three months of uni to go, it feels like a waste of 'precious' time that I soon won't have. I'm under no illusions that if I were still here in these three weeks that anything would be different, but it certainly feels that way. Like I said in my last post though I guess it's a bit of time to reaffirm how I feel and what I want and to weigh up the pros and cons of at least attempting to make friends work with the time we have left and be happy that I have something or to risk remaining as we are and feeling out how she feels about reconciling.

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