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A letter to a love lost. Since I can't send it to him.


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Is it a bad idea to EVER send this letter? I know I can't now, but eventually?

 

 

It's been over a week without you. You were right, I should have chosen a less depressing place to be miserable. I'm trying really hard not to contact you. I know that's what you want and I know it's what's best. I've deleted you from my phone and my facebook so the temptation is not there. Hope that didn't offend you. Here are a few things I've realized in the past 10 days (I've had A LOT of free time to think):

 

1. The break up was a good idea. It's really helping me to step back and look at how and why things were going wrong. If we hadn't split, things would have probably snowballed and gotten more out of hand than they already were. Our relationship was holding both of us back from doing things with our lives we wanted to/ should be doing.

 

2. I desperately need to work on my trust and jealousy issues. If I ever want to be in a relationship again I absolutely can not behave the way I did. It must have been an awful thing for you to have to put up with. The way I treated you was so unfair and unfounded. Yes, you did things that made me jealous. But I KNEW they were completely innocent and I knew you were not doing them with the intention of making me jealous, so I should never have confronted you about them. Especially not in the manner I did.

 

3. My trust and jealousy issues stem from my insecurities. I have to become a more confident, complete, happy person before I can attempt being with someone else. At some point in our relationship I lost my self-esteem. That was absolutely not your fault. It mainly had to do with me and my circumstances (having a substandard job, not pursuing my hobbies, being uncertain about the future, relying on you and your friends to make me happy, etc.)

 

4. I absolutely under no condition should have ever invaded your privacy the way I did. I have learned my lesson. I'm sorry. I guess in losing you I got what I deserved.

 

5. We had a really good sex life. In quality and quantity. Again, insecurities came into play when I sensed you weren't "in the mood" and I got upset about it. Unfair. Both parties must be willing. Otherwise it's rape. And as much as I want to rape you, I know it's wrong

 

6. I can't blame myself entirely. There are some realistic things I would expect you to change as far as relationship behavior if we were ever to get back together.

a) Please don't leave me to smoke when it's just the two of us.

b) Don't hide things from me just to prevent confrontation. It just makes me lose trust.

c) When I do have a grievance don't get defensive and act like the victim. Try to see my point of view and then calmly tell me why you disagree. If you know you're wrong, apologize instead of either making me feel like I'm a crazy person or making me feel like I'm causing you to feel awful about yourself.

d) I don't mind if you go hang out with your friends, honestly. Just please please please call if you're going to be out later than expected.

e) One we can both work on-NO fighting after drinking. Ever.

 

7. I hope that this break-up has helped you learn something about yourself, too.

 

9. I love you with all my heart. Sometimes in my half awake/ half asleep state I swear you are there with me...I literally feel you there...and it breaks my heart a million times over when I wake to find you are not. You are an incredible person. I hope I told you that enough. I truly believe you are my soulmate.

 

10. In time we'll both be better and stronger for this. I would love to try again with you, but only once we're both ready. We both have some growing up to do. We both have things we need to achieve on our own, places we need to go, people we need to meet, lessons we need to learn. I will become a better person for ME. And then hopefully we'll find one another again and both be better for us.

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Just my opinion, letters dont get you anywhere. If they wont talk to you sincerly about it in person, Then they dont want to hear it, or read it.

 

 

Ive wrote my fair share of letters, and sent them. They didnt care/didnt say anything about them. That just made me more upset.

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Who broke up with who?

 

We got into a huge fight. I told him I was leaving. He said go. I said no, I'm just upset. He told me I had to go so I packed my bags and bought a plane ticket. He told me I was making a mistake. I left anyway. I told him I wanted to come back. He said no. We've talked 4 times since then: 1st time he said he didn't want to talk about it. 2nd time I told him where to forward my mail. 3rd time he said he didn't want to fix it. 4th time we said nice things to each other, like we still loved each other but had to let go and then enacted the "no contact" rule.

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