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What do you prefer?


Kaiser_Soze

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I am just curious, how many of you out there are in a relationship where your level of affection and your SO's level of affection are drastically different? I have read several posts and it seems to be pretty common. Most seem to relate their comfort level to that in which they experienced as children. Which are you? Which is your SO? What are the challenges you have faced with that?

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I can relate from both sides. It's hard to get it right so that it comes anywhere close to 50/50. When a woman backs away from me, and I realize that I've become a pursuer that isn't getting anywhere, I have to chuckle to myself though. I usually think, "You're me!!!"

 

EDIT: Forgot to answer the question. I prefer neither. When I'm the one-up then I can get bored, and when I'm the one-down then I can get frustrated. What would I rather be, bored or frustrated? Depends what mood I'm in I suppose.

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I am just curious, how many of you out there are in a relationship where your level of affection and your SO's level of affection are drastically different? I have read several posts and it seems to be pretty common. Most seem to relate their comfort level to that in which they experienced as children. Which are you? Which is your SO? What are the challenges you have faced with that?

 

I'm normally a little more affectionate than my SOs, and I think it's because I was starved for affection and friendship as a child. I'm not clingy or anything, but I usually am more open about my feelings and expressing them.

 

I don't mind being in that role, as long as the guy gives something back on a regular basis or appreciates it.

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With me and my SO, it kind of goes back and forth between us. Sometimes he will be super affectionate and other times I will be; it goes back and forth between us. Sometimes I will want him to be more attentive and i just kindly let him know and he does it.

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My partner definitely enjoys ALOT more affection than me.

 

In the beginning it was hard. He was constantly looking for that hug, that kiss, constantly.

 

It's something we worked through and we can communicate through it quite easily when he feels his needs aren't being met, and truthfully, now I certainly appreciate his need and desire to be have that physical contact constantly because I think its played a huge part in the closeness, intimacy, and excitment over the years. It makes me feel connected and over the years I don't feel like its a nuissance, I don't mind at all.

He's accepted the way I am, but I've found it just became easier and easier to give myself more to him in these ways because I've accepted how he is.

 

I guess for me as a child, I had all the affection in the world. I know I am loved and get that constant affection and attention from family, that maybe I didn't feel the need for the validation or closeness from another person?

 

As for him..he uses the closeness and physical side as a way to express his feelings.

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For a long time in my marriage I thought I didn't like to be shown very much affection. It had nothing to do with that, I love affection. I was repulsed by the person not the gesture. Now I know what that feeling is and if I ever feel it around a man I know he'll never be for me.

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We're pretty close to showing equal affection, although sometimes I feel more affectionate than he does. I grew up in a VERY close family and if I don't receive a lot of affection it doesn't feel right. Depends on our moods as well, though...some days we both feel different levels of affection based on how we're feeling.

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