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need some advice please


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Hello ena'ers need some advice please

going to be a little long but any help is appreciated


Okay so I brokeup with the ex last november. I was the dumpee we were together a little over a year. Were getting ready to move in together but kept fighting alot when we were drinking. We are both in college so you know we drink.

For me my first real relationship besides highschool b.s.

For her she dated some guy before me for four years 13-17 was single for a little over year and started dating me.


She claimed while we together she loved me way more then the ex. puppy love we were always together 24/7 sober we were perfect..

For me drinking wasnt good. I started drinking a very early age 15 and alcoholism runs in my family and I never really noticed it to be a problem until I brokeup with her. See she was just getting into drinking/partying shes 19 im 22. and ive seen that/am over that


3 Weeks after the breakup she goes back with her ex before me of four years this was late november. I went crazy after the breakup the begging, the crying, showed alot of weakness to her which lead her right back to him in my mind...


Been NC since the end of December with 1 happy birthday text i sent her no reply..

Since NC ive healed quite well. started doing better in school, lost alot of weight, saved up money, i look good. Pretty much stopped drinking all togetheri feel good.

Okay today my good buddy tells me she just brokeup with her dude which kinda caught me off guard because she dated him for so long before me and really has a pattern of long term relationships. him then me..

A part of me wants to get her back. There is alot of things i love about that girl but there is some I do not. I realize that my actions while our drunk arguements and things I said i could of handled alot better. we fought over nothing really.


I want to be very carefull of how I handle this. I've done good healing and I dont want to reach out to her and be treated like I was after we brokeup again. I cant handle it. I dont want to go back to the sleepless nights and not eating.

But apart of me wants my girl back. She was my girl and I miss her and my dog lol we had a dog alot..


Okay enars how do i take this. I dont want to reach out to her like I said but i do miss her and want her back...

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Your safest option is to put this news in your pocket, give her time to get back on her feet--and see whether she contacts you.


She knows how to reach you if she ever decides she wants to.


If so, you might have a shot--if not, you'll still have your dignity and your investment in your own healing can continue without taking an additional knock.


My advice would be a bit different had she not been the dumper, but given the case, I'd not be too quick to assume that she'd be willing to return to you. If she decides on her own to initiate something, then that's something plausible to invest in. Otherwise, you'd likely always question whether you just manipulated her at a vulnerable time after breaking with 'the dude' and that lack of confidence could harm whatever gains you might make--and you'd likely always be wondering when she'd be due to break things off again.


Head high.


In your corner.

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i appreciate that cat and well put

Yeah i messed up in the rela and after we broke i messed up some more. but she treated me like an animal after the break. bad mouthing me to my back. making me look like a crazy man when all i really did wrong was trying to fix what went wrong.

so its going to take forgiving on both sides.

But im gonna play by cards and act like a man...a man with dignity...

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