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Cant let go!


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Hi, ive Been goin out with bf for 2yr9month. Hes the first person Ive been out with and loved and we lost our virginities together.


Weve been at different unis 2 years now and I feel he has totally changed. Wanting to spend loads of time with his friends there, i feel im put after them now

eg. A few weeks ago we had seen each other once in 3 weeks and he was going on work experience for 5weeks after this third week, so I wouldnt see him much again, so i came home on the friday and spent £15 to come and see him and asked him if he wud cum hom friday too but he said no because he wanted to be with his friends that night and get drunk which hurt because the only reason i came home was to see him!

He said he didnt come back because he wasnt going to see his friends once in the 5weeks (he also wasnt going to see me that much either ive seen him 3days in the past 3weeks) so ive seen him overall 6days in 6 weeks up to now, and his mates have seen him what, 20days.

And that friday night I was really upset id paid to come home and he wasnt coming aswell n told him over text n put crying faces on the text like u do if ur upset n i was really upset! and he didnt text me for hours, said he was tied up n his friends wer "making him drink"... which then hurt even more because he ignored me all night when i was upset and he could have said to his friends "my gf is upset i need to talk to her dont tie me up.." or wahtever, but he obv wasnt that bothered about me...


That weekend i was so hurt because he was never like this beofre starting at that uni. Anyway he said he was getting the 9am train saturday morning but he didnt - he ended up getting the 3pm train and mine at 5.3 ish, and i wasnt seeing him sunday for long either so overall i was upset most of that weekend...


Anyway thats just one example out of the many I can think of! But i wont mention - they are all kind of similar to that (he wont ring me coz he is "at his friends and everybody is around and he cant talk" etc...)

He is going to america for a month in the summer holidays with a friend who owns a ranch there n he also went last year and it was horrible for me not seeing him fro that long (also he didnt hav a lot of signal so heard ff him every 3/4days or so - i then found out he had signal in the hotel and still didnt text me...) he also said he didnt want to go for that long coz it hurt me too much last time, but he said to me just now "..i want to go for a month.." and he is.

It hurts because we have 2weeks of time before he goes and 2 weeks before i go back to uni..and we hardly ever spend time together anymore and i wanted the summer where we could go on holiday and spend time together but he wantes to be with his friends again...


Anyway there is lots of things. Never done a nice gesture eg buy flowers randomly, I may get upset - he doesnt talk to me he argues at me and it gets worse until a few hours later after me getting more upset (over things i have mentioned and more) he "realises what hes done and is so sorry and wont do it again"


but he does.


I know in my head I shouldnt be with him anymore, but my heart wont let go - when we do see each other we laugh all the time we have the most amazing cuddles and kisses and...i cant let that go...my cousin that knows alot about what he does keeps saying its better off on your own than being miserable with him...but i cant see that view...We have fun when we are not falling out?


A part of me keeps hopeing ill get the "old him" back - the "him" before we started uni...the one that used to try to pursuade me to do stuff (stay at his for example. As now it seems to be me doing all the pursuading all the time.. the one that made me a movie/poem on windows movie maker...the one that had fun taking pics of us in the park (last week i thought it would be fun and nice for us to go to the park as it was a lovely day and take lots of pics of us messing around and stuff and having fun, put an album on facebook etc. but we took 1 or 2 pics and he was like "....ok put the camera away weve took enough i just want to walk around i dont like taking pictures..." etc....


He says he really doesnt want to loose me and loves me so much and he loves spending time with me. I just cant understand why he can hurt me like he does...and he says he doesnt know why he does either..he just says hes a d**k head for what he does. He must want to be with me?



I think he will change but I am not sure, i want him too and i think thats why i cant let go.


I feel as if I will have nobody, and will never get over him, i will think of him all the time, i will never find anyone else, having someone is better then having no-one? He will date and sleep with other people, I will miss his cuddles in bed...I cant say the words to him that "I dont want to be with you anymore" But i cant. My mouth closes when i know i need to say it because i dont want that to happen I feel myself getting so upset and dont want to loose him. He might change back..?


Wish I knew...


Thank you. And im very sorry its so long xxxx

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My heart breaks for you


Maybe try and distance yourself from him a little? Then he might realise how much he doesn't want to lose you. Have you spoken to him properly about this?


It's possible that he really wants to be with you but also really loves his uni life too... and also, guys tend to put pressure on each other about being too soppy with girlfriends. However, it's also possible that he feels the same as you - this isn't working anymore, but he loves you and doesn't want to let go.


Even if you do nothing, I expect things will naturally come to some sort of head soon - for better or for worse.


But if the worst does come to worst, I promise you that you WILL find someone else! Breakups are absolutely horrible, almost unbearable - even if you've not been going out that long it still hurts like crazy - so I can't imagine how it could be for you. But you would come out stronger for it.


Though it is a lot easier said than done but I really hope things work out for you.

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...I wasnt pressuring him into seeing me...after all i had only seen him for one day in three weeks..its ages


Yeh I did tell him that I was going home on that friday, but he didnt text me for hours, and I assumed that he would go home too (we live close to each other when were not at uni) as I thought he would like to see me after not seeing each other for three weeks and also we had plans to go out quite early on the saturday (11ish) so I got on the train assuming he would come home to for those reasons.



Thanks for the posts.


Oh I have just realised something...his work experience is away form uni and his uni friends....its back at home....where he only has a few close friends..and he texts me like all day no hassle - and its him asking ME to "..please text back i miss you..." hmmm

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How To Say Goodbye To The Past And ...
How To Say Goodbye To The Past And Make A Fresh Start


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