Back Together...AGAIN.

[redreine]

My relationship is, in the most simple of terms, an ex bf/ex gf relationship.

 

My boyfriend and I have broken up and gotten back together so many times that we've both lost count. I know this sounds absolutely atrocious to most everyone, and to a lot of people, it sounds like a bad relationship. However I'm not here asking about an opinion on whether I should be with him. I am with him, and I love him very much.

 

What I'm wondering is, how do other couples deal with past problems and arguments arising again? Both my boyfriend and I have always said the past is the past, and neither of us bring up things from the times we were together in the past. However we do have one problem that is a recurring issue between us, and I'm afraid until it gets 100% fixed, we are still going to involve ourselves with these "fake-ups", as it were.

 

The issue is thus. To put it simply, he thinks I'm too needy and I think he doesn't care enough about my needs.

 

To be more detailed about it, well. I'll use an argument from last night as an example.

 

Last week he told me he'd take me out next Thursday. (yesterday). He ended up coming over on Tuesday. *I* was under the impression that he would still be coming over on Thursday. On Wednesday he informs me that he is staying home on Thursday to make a resume, with help from his stepmom. She doesn't show up, so he goes out with his friend and his friend's fiancee.

 

This is where our fight always takes place. I feel as if he should've come over to my house and spent time with me. When I say this to him, it somehow spirals into an argument about how I don't want him spending time with anyone but me and I constantly freak out over little things that don't mean anything, and everyone agrees with him that I always freak out over nothing.

 

On the other hand, my friends think that he knows exactly what will set me off, and instead of avoiding it he just does it anyway, knowing exactly how I will react, and if he doesn't want to deal with that, he should quit making me freak out.

 

We only see each other once a week, twice if we're lucky. We talk online every night that we aren't physically together, assuming neither of us has made plans with other people.

 

I guess I'm asking advice as to how to fix this problem, whatever it is, so our relationship can bloom past the fake-ups.

[ScorpiGal83]

If he's doing it on purpose to push your buttons.. that should be a massive red flag. The past is the past, but only if you have moved away from it and moved forward, which you guys clearly have not. You need to talk about this - sit down and really talk it out without getting emotional or angry. Maybe try couple's counselling?

 

All i know is.. a few days before my ex and I broke up, we had a similar incident.. we were in a LDR for the last 3 mths of our relationship (which was 3 years), and he didn't call me when he said he would. Finally when we got on the phone and I asked him why, he told me part of him wanted to do it cuz he knew it would piss me off.

 

So,....yeah.

[ScorpiGal83]

By the way, my ex and I also had a lot of breaking up and getting back together - a total of 3 (the last one being the 'final' one i suppose...)

[odile]

If anything can make the relationship work, it's counseling.

However, what it sounds like to me is that he's playing games of control, and like ScorpiGal, I'm seeing red flags.