Jump to content

Need some serious advice..


Recommended Posts

Hello ena'ers need some advice please

going to be a little long but any help is appreciated

 

Okay so I brokeup with the ex last november. I was the dumpee we were together a little over a year. Were getting ready to move in together but kept fighting alot when we were drinking. We are both in college so you know we drink.

For me my first real relationship besides highschool b.s.

For her she dated some guy before me for four years 13-17 was single for a little over year and started dating me.

 

She claimed while we together she loved me way more then the ex. puppy love we were always together 24/7 sober we were perfect..

For me drinking wasnt good. I started drinking a very early age 15 and alcoholism runs in my family and I never really noticed it to be a problem until I brokeup with her. See she was just getting into drinking/partying shes 19 im 22. and ive seen that/am over that

 

3 Weeks after the breakup she goes back with her ex before me of four years this was late november. I went crazy after the breakup the begging, the crying, showed alot of weakness to her which lead her right back to him in my mind...

 

Been NC since the end of December with 1 happy birthday text i sent her no reply..

Since NC ive healed quite well. started doing better in school, lost alot of weight, saved up money, i look good. Pretty much stopped drinking all togetheri feel good.

Okay today my good buddy tells me she just brokeup with her dude which kinda caught me off guard because she dated him for so long before me and really has a pattern of long term relationships. him then me..

A part of me wants to get her back. There is alot of things i love about that girl but there is some I do not. I realize that my actions while our drunk arguements and things I said i could of handled alot better. we fought over nothing really.

 

I want to be very carefull of how I handle this. I've done good healing and I dont want to reach out to her and be treated like I was after we brokeup again. I cant handle it. I dont want to go back to the sleepless nights and not eating.

But apart of me wants my girl back. She was my girl and I miss her and my dog lol we had a dog alot..

 

Okay enars how do i take this. I dont want to reach out to her like I said but i do miss her and want her back...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If you really do want her back, I'd give her some time post-breakup. She will need space. I wouldn't rush to contact her or anything. If she rushes back into something with you, it may be a rebound. Which I know is odd, because it sounds like jumping back with her ex was a rebound from breaking up with you.

 

But I think the space would be good to give you some time to decide if you really do want her back or not. Give it a few weeks. Then maybe just send her a text to say hi, how are you, been thinking about you. Nothing more than that-no "I heard you broke up" etc. Don't show any ulterior motives. Let it flow naturally, maybe as a friendship at first. See where it goes from there.

 

Anytime an ex has wanted to get back with me, it's been after a long period of NC. NC really does work. And if I rushed to get back with that person, like I did with my most recent ex, it ended in disaster. Just my experience.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i think you should be done with her. you may still have feelings for her and that's okay... but there's someone out there whos ever better for you, someone who will make you happier, someone who you will love even more.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've been thinking about this alot and have decided im gonig to give it a little bit and call her. To checkup on her and my former dog ha, and see how she is doing. ive weighed out the options.

 

this was my first relationship like i said and since i believe ive matured and learned alot. if for some reason we rush back into it and it dosent work fine. If i call get completely shut down thats okay to. because In my mind ive realized that i love this girl..and I am going to have to try...cause i would have rather have tried and failed then to wonder in life what if I did this or what if I did that..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

But apart of me wants my girl back.

 

The fact that you say "But a part of me" speaks volumes. A good solid relationship requires "All of you", from both sides. Entertainment is another ballgame.

 

Please be careful when taking that road. You are setting yourself for potential failure. Think about your life long term. Is someone like that really what you are looking for long term? Are you simply dwelling on the past? What is really best for you long term at this point in your life. There are other fish out there. I would have let her go and dropped her from my brain if I were you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

bluestreak i hear ya. a part of me i typed because I dont know what i want. i dont know what im doing 15minutes from now let alone 15 years. im 22 . i go to college for business/it. i work. i save money. thats it.

all i know is thetimes ive spent with her was the best feelings ive had in 22years.

she chged since the breakup, ive chged since the breakup. for the better or worse i do not know. i havent been in touch. i took myself out of the picture.

Theres other fish. and once u realease em you rarely ever catch the same exact one. but throwing your line out there is better then sitting at the shore. in my eyes

Link to comment
Share on other sites

you're healing now, and look how much you've accomplished. look how much you've grown and how much stronger you are as a person. this is a new transition, of course it's going to be hard, but you have to realize something. if she were to come to you and want you back, she wouldn't be acting out of logic or love or even affection. she would be acting out of the fear of losing something and doing it all on her own...

 

you are stonger than that. people who rebound in and out and don't know what the F they want end up in situations where their heart is always empty. she's empty with him, dumps him, goes back to you feels empty, dumps you, and maybe she'll throw in a new guy just to make sure.

 

what she really needs is to be alone and deal with her problems by her self.

 

you're doing that, you've got a leg up on her buddy, don't lose it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

bluestreak i hear ya. a part of me i typed because I dont know what i want. i dont know what im doing 15minutes from now let alone 15 years. im 22 . i go to college for business/it. i work. i save money. thats it.

all i know is thetimes ive spent with her was the best feelings ive had in 22years.

she chged since the breakup, ive chged since the breakup. for the better or worse i do not know. i havent been in touch. i took myself out of the picture.

Theres other fish. and once u realease em you rarely ever catch the same exact one. but throwing your line out there is better then sitting at the shore. in my eyes

 

Like you said, you don't know what you want. That is exactly why you need to be smart. I am speaking from true expereince.

 

You need to be extremely smart with your long term decisions. You don't want to end up in a bad position. Trust me.

 

If you do, be prepared to handle all experiences, if life does not form as planned.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...