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Would you consider this cheating?


Lissy

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I have a friend with a problem. Her fiance joined Facebook about 2 months ago and has been reconnecting with old friends. Many of them are women that he dated back in high school. BTW, he is in his mid-forties and hasn't seen these women in 25 years. She recently found out that he has been using the chat feature on Facebook and having sexual conversations with several of these women. He has also been speaking to them on the phone and making plans to get together with them for "lunch." I put that in quotes because the implication has been much more than sharing a meal. She doesn't think he's actually done anything physical yet, but like I said, he's been making plans to see these women. They know he is engaged because his relationship status on FB shows that. This man has a history of lying and cheating. He cheated on his last girlfriend with my friend. They just got engaged in December, after dating for only 6 months. Anyway, my opinion is that even if it hasn't gotten physical yet, this is still cheating. Am I being overly critical? I would not be OK with this if it were my fiance and I certainly wouldn't be doing this kind of thing with a man I knew was engaged. To me, this is not a man who is head over heels in love and ready to settle down.

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Nope, I agree with you- cheating.

 

He HAS HAD sexual conversations this is cheating in my books; no if's and's or but's.

 

Not to mention he's verbally making plans to cheat! Oh yeah and I forgot to mention he has a history or lying and cheating... may I ask what the hell is your friend thinking!?

 

Better advise her to take a good hard look at this relationship and this man and his intentions.

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Your friend and her fiance don't sound like they are on the same page.

 

He has values and behaviors that appear to conflict with hers.

 

I don't see anything positive with this one. Unfortunately it there isn't much you can do except be a friend for her. Provide support. She is gonna need it.

 

(P.S. Yes this is cheating!!)

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Of course this is cheating, why would someone think this kind of behavior is OK especially since he is engaged?

 

Also, he has cheated on other women. If this was my friend, I would advice her not to marry this guy....unless she wants to deal with his infidelity later on & possibly a divorce.

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Yes, it's cheating.

 

If this was my friend, I would advice her not to marry this guy....unless she wants to deal with his infidelity later on & possibly a divorce.

 

100% agree.

 

 

Her fiance joined Facebook about 2 months ago and has been reconnecting with old friends. Many of them are women that he dated back in high school.

I hate Facebook for this reason. It has the potential to open cans of worms. People from the past should stay there.

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Thanks, I just wanted to make sure my view wasn't completely out in left field. Cheating makes me crazy because I've been cheated on by a guy I was engaged to. So sometimes I think my left over emotions from that experience might cloud my objectivity. I don't approve of this relationship at all, never have. I think the guy is a tool for cheating on his ex and I had no doubt he'd do it to my friend one day. I am surprised it happened so soon, they've been together less than a year for crying out loud! Plus, he moved way too fast with my friend. Told her he loved her after 2 weeks, proposed after 6 months. She ate it all right up. I do want to ask her what she expected from a known cheater, but I don't think that would go over well. I have tried talking to her, but she doesn't want to hear anything negative about him. I think she's more in love with the ring on her finger than him. She was in a previous relationship for 10 years and the guy never proposed, so it's a sensitive subject for her. *sigh*

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That is definitely cheating to me.... ugh, and so disrespectful! I would suggest her to rly think about this relationship, she probably deserves better than it.... And I think he is trying to make it to the physical level... Definitely not trustworthy!

 

If hes has a history to cheat, he probably will continue to do that... Id break up with him in a second...

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No it's not really cheating but it's quite disrespectful on his part, sounds like he doesn't know what he wants. Well in my view cheating would be if that person does anything physical to someone else in real life (from kissing to full blown sex). However tell your friend to have a serious conversation with her fiance.

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No it's not really cheating but it's quite disrespectful on his part, sounds like he doesn't know what he wants. Well in my view cheating would be if that person does anything physical to someone else in real life (from kissing to full blown sex). However tell your friend to have a serious conversation with her fiance.

 

He's already emotionally cheating.......

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What do you guys mean emotional cheating doesnt exist? Of course it exists and is often much worse than physical in terms of salvaging of relationship post incident. A commonly accepted definition of cheating is engaging in inappropriate sexual or emotional activity while keeping this secret from your partner.

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What do you guys mean emotional cheating doesnt exist? Of course it exists and is often much worse than physical in terms of salvaging of relationship post incident. A commonly accepted definition of cheating is engaging in inappropriate sexual or emotional activity while keeping this secret from your partner.

 

Well see I wouldn't consider cheating if boyfriend were doing that and the so called online thing.

 

And ok let's say emotional cheating did exist in my definiton, why on earth would that hurt more than having a physical affair. Come on, there is nothing worst than sharing your naked body or doing intimate acts with someone else. No no way would I get those sick images out of my mind if I found out he bf cheated on me that way. Talk about STD's too.

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yeawhutever, since you don't think what he's done so far is cheating, what if I told you this. She also just found out that he and one of these women are sending naked pictures of themselves to each other. Is that cheating to you? He seems to be escalating and I really don't think it'll be long before it gets physical. She hasn't confronted him yet, so he doesn't even know that she knows. She hates confrontation and prefers to bury her head in the sand and pretend it isn't happening. Ugh, what a mess.

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But, is she really surprised? I mean, he cheated on his ex with her.

 

My thoughts exactly. You can't really be surprised that your bf/gf is going to cheat on you when they were cheating WITH you in their old relationship.

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