I have successfully reconciled with my ex!

[You and Me]

Most of you probably don't remember my story, I posted on here a lot a while back. I was engaged to be married, got cold feet, and started acting out and pushing my fiance away til the point that we called off the wedding and broke the engagement.

 

Well, months have passed since then and we started going to couples therapy and working on our issues and now I am happy to say that we are officially back together. We have made amazing strides through counseling and we are moving forward with a fresh start. I'd just like to thank anyone who may have given me advice during the hard times.

 

We are getting along great now, still living together, communicating better, having more fun together, and are being more affectionate with each other. I now know what I truly want and any fears I had about marriage have dissolved. Through therapy we've figured things out and why I acted the way I did and it has really helped with her trusting me again.

 

While we are a couple again, I'd like to say we are engaged again, but I don't think we are. She doesn't wear the ring that she keeps in its box in a drawer in her room, and there is no talk about starting to plan a wedding again.

 

So that is my question today, how do I proceed from here. She knows I am no longer scared about getting married and I want to marry her...Do I wait for her to say something or do I have to propose again, or do I just casually bring it up and ask if we can get the engagement back on track?

[sandrawg]

I think that since you were the one who originally called it off, you should propose again. If I were her, I wouldn't be taking anything for granted and would be waiting to see where you stand.

[Rob1000]

You wait for a special occasion a few months down the line and then propose. The important thing is you two are together again and have eachother. Marriage is a distant second in terms of whats really important.

[odile]

Your break doesn't sound as horrible as some of the ones on here

(it was short term, and neither of you ever moved out/totally gave up).

 

Plus, not only does it sound like you are both committed to making things work,

but you have the added benefit of counseling.

 

Just the same,

My advice would be to take it slow.

It sounds like you are making great progress; learning and growing together;

but you're also in a bit of a second-honeymoon.

 

I think you should give it a bit of time to really work out any lingering issues from before.

When you 'graduate' from counseling, see how well you do proving to each other that the lessons have stuck

-- and that you can work together as a team without the counselor holding your hands .

 

When this has been the case for a while,

That's the point at which I would pop the question again (and yes, it will be your responsibility).

 

In the meantime, though, don't let romance fall to the wayside entirely...

I'd say some flowers here and there, and treats "just because" are certainly in order.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I think you should talk to her about this.

[odile]

I think you should talk to her about this.

 

Okay, debaser_wolf just offered the most obvious and best advice yet:

Talk to her about it.

In fact, keep that as rule number one from here on out!

 

[Cognitive_Canine]

That's probably the biggest thing about getting back together, you have to tell each other what you are feeling and make yourself vulnerable. Tell her that you really don't know what she wants to do but you do know that you do want to marry her and you understand her not being comfortable.

 

Probably the biggest turning point in my boyfriend and I's getting back together struggle was telling each other that every time some one didn't answer the phone or didn't call back right away that we were both scared to death that we'd changed our minds. Telling each other what our fears were and how we felt definitely brought us closer together and helped end the unstable period of getting back together.

[nauum]

Hi You and Me,

 

 

Huum...well you sound like my ex. We were dating a year (we never mentioned marraige) but then all of a sudden...he didn't know what he wanted, was confused, etc. I know he has committment issues and I've tried to get him to go to therapy with me....but he said he won't open up to a therapist...and might be smarter than one!

 

What made you decide on therapy? Also, did you take a break from completely talking and were scared of her?

 

Lynne