Laid off last month, Dumped tonight

[pumpkin_pie]

I can't afford my apartment anymore and my landlord won't reduce my rent. My now ex-boyfriend says he is interested in other women and isn't sure he's still going to be interested in me for another year (we've been together two and a half years).

 

I can't find a job. I don't have anyone to talk to. He was my best friend. I feel like it's just too much. I was so happy a month ago when I had my job and my boyfriend. The world was my oyster.

 

I really wish I were dead. I'm too scared to do anything because with my luck it wouldn't kill me, it would only cause pain, main/paralyze me, and put me in an institution.

 

I just don't see how I'll get out of this. No one cares about me. And I can't turn to my parents because they have their own troubles and they're not exactly the best support. I'm sure I'll never be in love again. I'm too old at this point. He says he's not attracted to me anymore. Why would anyone else be? I don't have my job (that I loved more than anything). I don't have my best friend. I don't have my boyfriend. I have to move. I just want to die. I wish I just wouldn't wake up tomorrow.

[ladybug726]

Hey pumpkin-pie. I was in a similar position 6 months ago. My ex fiance decided he wanted different things and destroyed me, and I lost my job (I wasn't laid off, but I decided I couldn't get out of bed because of my loser ex. Ugh. Stupidstupidstupid). Took me friggin 6 months to find another job but I finally did.

 

Its brutally tough right now and you have every right to feel as scummy as you do so I won't tell you to cheer up and all that... but keep in mind (especially when you're thinking you don't want to be alive anymore) that what you feel right now is just your situation right now, things WILL get better and you will come out stronger for it. It won't be as soon as you want it to be but it will. You just went through two really * * * * ty things at the same time and my god, that's crappy enough in a normal economy...

 

And really... don't blame yourself because your ex is a moron. Super models and gorgeous actresses get dumped and cheated on all the time.

 

I urge you to lean on anyone you can right now, even your parents. It's tough for everyone and it's tougher if you try to do it all yourself.

[jul-els]

I'm sorry you're feeling such pain right now. If it makes you feel any better things are tough all over. There are some things about your situation that sound similar to mine. I split from my last serious relationship a year ago this month and haven't even dated since then. It was a really difficult relationship due to the fact that she had a drinking problem and I really cared about her and tried to get her help with hospitals, doctors, her employer, her friends and family etc. I really did all in my power. She just laid in bed and tried to drink herself to death. Eventually I had to break it off as it was just too difficult and painful for me. She ended up losing me, her job, her car, her house, and had to go back to Europe to live with her mother.

 

Shortly after that my company started losing massive amounts of money and although I haven't been completely laid off yet, my hours have been cut in half. All of the strain of my relationship plus the problems at my job caused my health to go downhill in a really steady and serious way. I went to 5 different doctors and a dentist to find out what was wrong with me. They ran every test under the sun and could find nothing. I think it was all of the stress was just causing my body to start shutting down.

 

My point is not to dump my problems on you but to tell you even though it seems like everything sucks you can still turn it around for the best. I've been really working hard to get my health back, eating right, exercising daily. And with all the free time I have I am devoting it to playing my music, something that I truly love to do and now with no relationship and only half a job, I have plenty of time to work on it and I love it! It's great! And I get to sleep in almost everyday too! Bonus! My health is steadily improving now also as I have plenty of time to make sure I am adequately rested. Sure, I'm broke and I had to take in a roommate to avoid getting kicked out of my place but I don't care. I'm getting my health back and my music is coming along beautifully. I can pretty much do whatever I want whenever I want. In many ways my life is better now than it was before all this crap happened!

 

So my point is don't automatically think all is lost even though it may feel that way. You are going to have to take the time to go through a mourning process and a healing process as well as an adjustment period but there's always a silver lining if you just look for it! You always have the power and ability to turn things around in your favor!

[WomanWriter]

Hey there pumpkinpie,

 

I'm in the same situation as you and so many others are too. I got laid off from my full time teaching job and was having to substitute teach just to make money. I was really depressed...that's when my ex decided to drop me too when it seemed like things had been going well until close up to that point.

 

Seriously, when it rains, it pours!

 

Don't harm yourself though! Take a bubble bath. Eat your favorite meal. Go relax at the library and get some good books on heartbreak and healing (you could even look for jobs at the library).

 

I'm still looking for work too and it's really demoralizing. Why not sign up for Unemployment in the meantime? I was too ashamed at first but then realized I had paid into the system as a full time worker for the past several years so I am entitled to it now. It sucks that you have to move though.

 

Keep coming here to vent if you need to. It does seem to relieve a lot of the anxiety, although I know how agonzing it is to lose your best friend and lover in one. You need someone to talk to and normally you'd go to your ex, but he's the one who broke your heart. So who in the world do you turn to, especially when you lost your job? It's like everyone is rejecting you and it hurts like he##

 

Anyway, there will be good periods to look forward to. It's hard for me to say that, but have faith. Do you believe in God? Prayer helps me. Reading too.

 

I feel for you, girl

[jacques]

You can get unemployment. Currently benifets (with extensions) last close to 1 year. Check into food stamps. Search your state government website for foodstamp/Link Card answers to your questions. Don't delay do these things immediately. Also move your furnature into storage and find a room for rent in a home. Many homeowners are offering their spare bedrooms for rent because of hard times. Forget the boyfriend, if he didn't stay with you through your pain than he does not love you. See it for what it was and move on. Your Survival takes precedence over everything.

[ratfreak]

I know it seems like you've lost everything now but that's not true.

 

It will take some time but you will pick yourself up again.

Jobs take a while to find but while you're on some unemployment, you can look for a job that you'll like.

 

Just because the guy walked away doesn't make you any less great than when you had him around. Also, you're never too old to be loved and be happy.

[pumpkin_pie]

Thank you, everyone. I still feel miserable. Unfortunately I can't get unemployment yet because I didn't work long enough to be eligible. But I'll look into everything else. Right now, the hardest part is just getting out of bed. Also thinking about how happy I know he is without me now that he can go out with other girls.

 

If I'm awake, all that comforts me is thinking that maybe I'll die. One of my friends told me a co-worker was diagnosed with a brain tumor. And I was so sad for him because he is married with kids and does great work helping animals. And I thought why can't that be me instead?

 

Sometimes I get a momentary feeling of strength. Like, maybe I can emerge from this a superstar. Maybe I'll go to the gym and get in great shape. Maybe I'll find a fantastic job.

 

But these pass quickly. Mostly I sit in emotional paralysis.

 

I won't kill myself because I know my parents would be destroyed. I wouldn't do that to them. I'll try to heed your advice. It's hard to find the energy.

[jul-els]

Of course, most worthwhile things in life are hard, unfortunately. You're entitled to feel a loss and to be in mourning, just don't give your power over to it. Take good care of yourself, it's your path to healing.