Posting pics on the internet?

[Georgie Grrl]

Will someone please explain to me when it became acceptable for your friend to post pictures of you on Facebook/Myspace without asking permission? What the hell gives anyone the right to publicly post pictures of you without your permission? I understand that you can set your pictures to private, but that does not stop your friend's friends from copying and using them as they wish.

 

I went out w/ some friends last Saturday and left for vacation at the beginning of this week. I come home today to find several extremely unflattering pictures of myself posted not only on my friends Myspace and Facebook pages, but also on her sister's. There are additionally two pictures of my son. I wasn't even aware anyone had taken any pictures of my son, much less would I have allowed them to be posted on the internet.

 

I spoke w/ my friend in the beginning of the week and asked that she not post any unflattering pictures. She seemed to be in agreement, but when I came home today, I find not only the original pictures I had already seen, but additional ones. I just e-mailed her the following, "I'm sure the people I don't want to see them have seen them by now, but I'd really appreciate it if you'd take down any and all unflattering pictures (i.e. anything w/ obvious fats rolls). Just crop me out of whatever you can, in fact." To her, they're just some pictures of her friends having a good time, but to me they're a source of humiliation and embarrassment.

 

Not only does she have several of my ex's and several old friends (who haven't seen me in years) as her friends, but I just lost 25lbs. You would think this would mean I'd look fantastic. As it turns out, no, you can't even tell. I've never photographed well, but these pictures have got to be the absolute worst I've ever seen taken of me. I don't want to ruin my friendship over this (we've been friends since we were toddlers), but I am severely pissed. What can I do if she won't take them down? Do I even want to continue a friendship with someone who is so insensitive?

[jul-els]

That is very presumptuous as well as extremely inconsiderate. I would tell her you feel as though it is an invasion of your privacy to post your image online without without your permission and that you would appreciate it if she took them down.

[sosilver]

If she doesnt want to take them down, ask her to crop you out. Some people do not understand how another might feel about their pics being up for the world to see. Hope she listens to you since you are such old friends if not just explain to her that you are uncomfortable with those pics being posted.

[tulipsfav]

This is so not appropriate for your friend to do this. Tell her that you are not happy about your photos being up on facebook and my space, and especially photos of your son which legally she needed to ask your permission to do this. Is she not aware of child protection?

I am not suprised that you are really angry about this. And by the way, well done on losing 25lbs.

[csrc85]

i'm not opposed to my friends posting pictures of me online (facebook and the like), although its kind of an unspoken agreement/unwritten rule that we only post flattering pictures of each other. i guess that term is pretty relative though because i've definitely felt the need to untag myself from a few pictures before. lol

 

however i'm always a little surprised/shocked when i see pictures of babies/kids posted online for everyone to see. if i had kids and i ever felt the desire to post their pictures i would be certain that only my closest friends could see. but in that case you might as well just email them instead of posting them on a public social networking site. at least then you can be sure it would be private.

 

definitely out of line for your friend to do that though... especially if you had asked her not to beforehand.

[sosilver]

Maybe she can make albums with your pics in them 'private' so that only mutual friends can see?

[Georgie Grrl]

Maybe she can make albums with your pics in them 'private' so that only mutual friends can see?

 

I believe (hope) that her pictures are set to private, but part of the problem would be that I don't want all of our mutual friends seeing them, either. I am just so embarrassed and humiliated. There's no other way to put it. And I am certain the damage is done because the very people I absolutely would not want to see them have now had all week to view them. I want to throw up.

 

I might have even been OK w/ the pics of my son if I had been asked persmission, provided they were private. I wouldn't be opposed to her posting flattering pictures of me, as long as they were set to private. They are, however, not flattering in any way, shape, or form.

 

Tulipsfav, thanks for the compliment on the weight loss, but now I kind of feel like what's the point because I am not exaggerating when I tell you I cannot see a difference in these pictures. When I look in the mirror, I feel like I look pretty good. When I look at these pictures, I am horrified. Now I just feel lousy about myself and totally defeated.

[alli]

I've been on facebook for about 3 or 4 years, and really... most people post pictures of themselves and their friends. If these pictures of you also include other people, I can see why she would post them. Maybe she thought you looked fine and didn't know you would consider them to be so unflattering. It sucks that the pics had been up there for a week for other people to see, but all you can do now is ask her to take down the pics that have only you in them and untag yourself in the pics of you with other people. And if you don't want pictures of your son on facebook, ask her to remove them.

 

From now on, maybe you should bring your own camera and try to avoid being in pictures with anyone elses camera but your own. That way, you will pretty much have discretion in deciding what photos will be visible to others.

 

If it makes you feel any better, most people aren't that critical of anyone's appearance other then their own. So even though other people saw the pics, they probably didn't react with the same horror that you did.

 

Congrats on losing 25lbs by the way!

[Tezza]

I totally agree. I hate pics of myself and have only put a limited amount of pics on Facebook. Whenever someone tags me on an unflattering pic I untag myself from it. I can't really tell someone to take it off as it is their photo/s, but yes, there should be some courtesy when posting pics of other people.

[sosilver]

Hi

Let us know if she decided to take them off or not!

[tulipsfav]

Dont be feeling defeated, weight loss is not easy and you have done fantastic. You are very down on yourself, sounds like you have no confidence and your self esteem has hit rock bottom. We are all here for you on ena. Have a look through your photos to see if you have any unflattering pictures on her and get them on facebook. Im sure the photos of you were fine but because you are on a low you think everyone sees you like that. Let us know how you get on.

Take care

[Georgie Grrl]

Dont be feeling defeated, weight loss is not easy and you have done fantastic. You are very down on yourself, sounds like you have no confidence and your self esteem has hit rock bottom. We are all here for you on ena. Have a look through your photos to see if you have any unflattering pictures on her and get them on facebook. Im sure the photos of you were fine but because you are on a low you think everyone sees you like that. Let us know how you get on.

Take care

 

When I look in the mirror, I actually feel like I look pretty good. Whether I'm skinny or not, I know I'm attractive. Those pictures, however, are disgusting. I'm more embarrassed because of who has now seen them more than anything.

[browneyedgirl36]

I totally understand how you feel. I was talking to someone the other day about this very thing -- people posting pics of me on their Facebook pages and tagging me without asking my permission. The person I was talking to said that they don't *have* to ask my permission -- that there is no *etiquette* governing posting of pictures on social networking sites. Well, if there isn't, there should be! In my case, the pictures weren't particularly unflattering, but they were from when I was in grade school, and people from that school (who I am NOT friends with on Facebook or otherwise) were commenting on the pictures. There were no comments about me specifically, but there were comments about others, some of which bordered on inappropriate, and the thought of all of my grammar school bullies looking at old pics of me and possibly commenting...ugh! I didn't ask the woman who posted them to remove them (she is someone on my friends list, which is how I saw them and the comments), but...it would have been nice if she had thought to ask.

 

I also totally understand where you're coming from with the weight loss thing and some pics still being unflattering. I lost about 25 pounds too, and while I think I look great most of the time and in most pictures, there are still some pics of myself that I think are horrible -- ones taken at bad angles, or when I'm slumping so that my stomach sticks out or something, and I'd hate for a friend to post them on Facebook!

 

I hope your friend will respect your wishes and at least crop you out of the pictures. Even if it's difficult, it can be done. Photoshop is pretty amazing.

 

Let us know what happens.

[InBruges]

I understand and empathize with this. I've had friends post pictures of me on their pages and I don't like my pictures anywhere on the web. Sometimes when I asked them to remove them, they would. Other times, they tried to laugh it off and refused. That made me even more upset. But what could I do? I guess I could stop talking to them, but then I might have no friends at all.