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This is bugging me... am I right?


robert7x

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She's Not Texting Me Like She U...
She's Not Texting Me Like She Used To

I've been dating this girl for about 2-3 months now... Things are going good. We go out with 2 of our friends most of the time... We also have our quiet time at my place etc.

 

Tomorrow her brother is having a b-day party at his club. Now I'm not really that crazy about this guy because he's a total nut case.... I also think she's afraid of him as she is still hiding from him that she is seeing me.

 

So Last night she said that she has to go to the party... now she never even suggested i come with her or anything like that. This is really buggine me, because, why hide it? I mean I hate stuff like this when i'm good enough to date and everything else, but you're afraid to tell your brother we're dating???

 

She and I have been friends before so I know the guy, he knows me, we never had any problems or anything like that... but it's just the way he is treating her that i hate.

 

I never said anything to her about this, but it's just bugging the hell out of me. I don't know if saying anything about it will do anything... Confronting her or doing anything... I mean... I don't know what to do. I wish i can let it go, but I don't know how.

 

Opinions please...

 

thank you.

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How old is she & how old is her brother?

 

I have an older brother that I was scared to death to tell him I was dating someone, especially someone he knew. Because for one, he never thinks anyone is good enough for his kid sister & 2. he might try to break us up. I think we got past this once I was around 24. He backed off, eventually & I didn't give a crap anymore so I would tell him lol.

 

It really did take alot for us to get to this point because my whole life he was very protective, it was great in my kid/teenage yrs but it got old when I got older. This might be what is happening here...?

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I completely understand your frustration, & you have a right to be upset...but you don't really have a right quite yet to complain about it.

 

I have an uncle who's only a few years older than me. We grew up together, so I consider him an older brother. He always looks out for me & is a bit protective over me. Because of this, I don't introduce him to guys I've just been dating for a few weeks/months. I wouldn't introduce him unless I was sure there was potential in this guy & that the relationship is going somewhere.

 

You can ask her what the reason is that she didn't want you to go, but don't get upset at her for not feeling comfortable with introducing you to her family yet.

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Yeah, she should have invited you...or at least told you why she didn't. It could be that she wants to keep you a secret or it could be something simple...like, she doesn't really want to go so she assumed you wouldn't either. I'd let her know that you'd like to go with her and then go from there.

 

Good luck

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I agree with what PG said, I mean considering how my brother was you could only imagine how my father was. I only introduced 2 guys to my family & one of them I am marrying. Given its only been 2-3 months you guys are dating, I wouldn't pressure her into meeting her family/brother just yet. Also dont take it personal, like you are because if she is not introducing you for the reasons we listed then its only to protect you & the relationship.

 

I also agree - she should tell you the reason though. I always told guys about my overprotective brother & father, they usually understood.

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Ok first... she's old enough to know that her brother shouldn't be the one controlling her in any way. She's 24 he is just year older then her... However, He's always been this controlling and even though she told me couple of times, she doesn't care what he says and doesn't listen to him and all that... Actions are the ones that show it.

 

I don't know why is she afraid to tell him we are dating... Some friends of ours know it... her close friends do... I think she's worried he'll say something to me and we may get into a fight or whatever... I honestly don't know. I know she is being secretive about us towards some people and I can bet my right arm it has to do with him.

 

See, i don't want to go to this place... recently there have been some fights and shooting at this club... and i tend to get involved usually not by my choice... So i really don't want to go... But her saying: "I'm afraid to go there alone, so i may have from the club wait for me there" kind of pissed me off, but i didn't say a word. I mean what am I here?

 

I'm really, really trying to let this go and just have her go to the thing, be there and that's that. I know i'll see her saturday and all that... but I'm just not the type of guy that let's things go like this... It bugs me until i just have to bring it up. I have nothing to hide... why would she then...

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Not possible... It's her brother... she loves this guy too damn much... no matter how big of an * * * * * * * he is towards her, she still loves him. If he was my brother and i was in her shoes, I would tell him to Go f**k himself long time ago... but that's just me.

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Not possible... It's her brother... she loves this guy too damn much... no matter how big of an * * * * * * * he is towards her, she still loves him. If he was my brother and i was in her shoes, I would tell him to Go f**k himself long time ago... but that's just me.

 

OK....I guess you don't like HIM very much?????

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I think she knows this about you, & she's afraid for that reason exactly.

 

She probably wants to avoid any potential drama with you & her brother. It's his birthday, & she wants everything to go smoothly, so she doesn't want this to be the environment you guys meet in.

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Exactly. But see it's a club anyway... it's not like I need invitation to go... However i wouldn't want to go that way anyway.

 

It's true. I don't like the guy that much... but how can anyone like a person like that really. I mean He treats her like she's his property. Yelling at her to go home, telling her she can't do this and that etc. She's not doing anything wrong... plus she is 24 dude.

 

See I know the guy well... We used to hang out together and all that... We never had issues with anything, we get along good... But just because he treats her like this is what bothers me about him. Let's say down the road she and I get serious... is he going to yell at her to go home when we go out or something... How can i stay calm at a situation like that...

 

Well that went a little off subject... So should i just ignore it, not mention this thing at all, or ask why didn't she ask me to go with her?

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Yeah, why can't you just ask? Don't kid yourself, you can't let this go you already said it will bug the hell out of you until you bring it up!

 

It's probably a bigger deal to you than it is to her, just ask.

 

It's a pretty common thing to have your big bro (hrs older means big bro, years, hrs it doesn't matter- he's older) be overly protective. He is a pretty decent example. If she doesn't listen to him when he sayd go home why the hell do you care? You can't tell him how to treat her! She doesn't even give a crap is what you said.

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That's what she is saying... she doesn't care... but she does... cause she still does what he tells her... That's what I'm saying, that kind of stuff is bothering me because let's say we go out together and he shows up, starts telling her go home or do this... I don't think i can just stand there and not say a word... I would probably do something, unfortunately.

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That's what she is saying... she doesn't care... but she does... cause she still does what he tells her... That's what I'm saying, that kind of stuff is bothering me because let's say we go out together and he shows up, starts telling her go home or do this... I don't think i can just stand there and not say a word... I would probably do something, unfortunately.

 

OKay here's how I see it now. She KNOWS you're the type to "do something" which is probably why she's keeping you 2 apart. She's avoiding a situation where something could happen. Get it now? What to do about it? Have a good talk. Not fight- talk.

 

You seem quite hot-tempered. The type to get involved in drama, I honestly wouldn't want you around either- especially at a club. Brother or no brother you seem like a "drama king" in the way that you will get in on a situation... I have friends like that, and frankly being with them is scary sometimes!

 

Just camly tell her how her brother treats her bugs you. It bugs you that he tells you to do certain things as if she were a child. Perhaps you could suggest she have a talk with her brother. Explain that she doesn't like (if this is true she doesn't like being treated as a baby... she may like the protective nature of him some do.) when he talks to her as a kid blah blah blah.

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That's what she is saying... she doesn't care... but she does... cause she still does what he tells her... That's what I'm saying, that kind of stuff is bothering me because let's say we go out together and he shows up, starts telling her go home or do this... I don't think i can just stand there and not say a word... I would probably do something, unfortunately.

 

Yeah she senses this & is keeping you two away from each other. Listen her brother is family, there is nothing you can say or do to make her change the way she actions towards him. If I was dating a guy for only 2-3months & he told off my brother because he didn't think it was right what my brother says...I would give him the boot. Its really not your place to tell him off or start a fight with him, if she wants to then she will but not you..Family is always first in my book. Sorry.

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Yeah she senses this & is keeping you two away from each other. Listen her brother is family, there is nothing you can say or do to make her change the way she actions towards him. If I was dating a guy for only 2-3months & he told off my brother because he didn't think it was right what my brother says...I would give him the boot. Its really not your place to tell him off or start a fight with him, if she wants to then she will but not you..Family is always first in my book. Sorry.

 

I disagree and agree all at the same time.

 

Family does not come first not in my books. But if my bf stood up to my brother saying treat her better, (when he's probably honestly just looking out for her best interests) don't say this blah blah blah and proceeds to get in a fight with him "becasue he can't help it" I too would give the bf the boot. It is only your place to tell her what bothers you and see what she has to say. If she says she doesn't care, and you refuse to believe that, nothing will change her brother will always say those things and she will always act the same way at that time you stay or you leave, but nothing changes.

 

You're almost treating her like your property saying she should be able to do this, go here kind of deal.

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