really lacking self esteem

[txblues]

its the same every where i go; undergrad, job, graduate school; i'm so self critical of my introversion and lack of participation during group meetings and discussion. i have nothing intelligent to contribute and its so difficult for me to think of something worthwhile to say. theres nothing i can think of. so i end up not saying anything...

 

this pattern keeps repeating itself and others judge me negatively for it (it has in the past and my performance reviews were poor). i was called on during class the other day for a simple answer which i stumbled and mumbled incoherently over, which probably didn't make any sense to anyone. its like i speak with rocks in my mouth also; really inarticulate.

 

been beating myself yesterday for this as it reinforces past failures, as well as my lack of ability to communicate with others in social situations. i'm pretty lonely. so i can't even find refuge in keeping busy with school. all i did yesterday was surf the internet; really losing motivation and self worth.

[sbux_addict]

was there a time in your life when you were put down so bad by a significant figure in your life?

 

i used to be like you, and sometimes I find myself still reverting back to the old ways of putting myself down. i still deal with. i always think that i'm never going to be good enough, that i'm no good.

 

i tried to figure out why...and it boils down to my childhood. i had an aunt who took care of me and my siblings growing up, while my parents were away and she did so much damage in my self-esteem. she would always tell me how i'm going to be the black sheep of the family that i will never going to amount to anything. she has always hated me, always favored my other siblings over me, and she would just put me down and abuse me emotionally. imagine hearing that for 17 years...that's all you're ever going to believe.

 

so i'm still dealing with it. at least i've progressed to a phase where i know i am capable, i have talents and skills, it's just that i'm lacking the self-confidence and self-esteem to assert myself. still dealing with the past...at least i'm on the first step of self-awareness.

[Kaiser_Soze]

The problem is you are over analyzing yourself. You are probably picturing yourself stumbling your words and people laughing while you are speaking. Then it distracts you and makes it worse. The first step in getting your confidence back is to look at your good qualities. Tell me of just three things your good at... Next learn to laugh at your mistakes and acknowledge them as just that, mistakes. The bottom line is you gotta just r-e-l-a-x. I went from being really shy and timid in elementary school, to being a class clown in middle and high school. I still get nervous speaking to large groups. For me the key has been to let go and not care. If you can establish who YOU are, to yourself, thats a HUGE step! At that point you decide who can change that. I think right now you may be a little unsure of who you are and are letting others define you. They will come and go in life, you get the luxury of deciding how they impact your life.

 

I'm serious, right now, write me back three things your good at. Don't pm them, let everyone here know! You got this!