Fear of being touched?

[Mantis]

I have this weird fear of being touched. It's not phobia level, it just makes me really unformfortable. I think it may be part of what's holding me back when it comes to girls. As far as I know I've always been this way. My parents have told me stories about when I was 4 or 5 when I wouldn't let doctors touch me. And it's with everybody. Parents, friends, doctors, people my own age, older people, doesn't matter.

 

So far I haven't done so good in the female contact department. But one girl did hug me twice. The first time she did it kind of by surprise, and my reaction was to actually say OUT LOUD that it made me uncomfortable. Which it did, but I kind of enjoyed it too. It was weird. She hugged me one other time and I knew it was coming. It was STILL kind of uncomfortable, but also I liked it.

 

Anyway I'm stuck in a contradiction. I WANT to have female contact, but it's also scary and uncomfortable. I'm not sure why or what to do about it.

 

Thoughts?

[Davie]

I'd say you need to speak to your GP. That is the best course of action (imo).

 

Speak to your doctor. I've never come accross anything like this myself but others deffinatly would have.

 

Try to chill down

[Honey Pumpkin]

How old are you? I don't think it's as uncommon as you think, and may be partly due to nerves and the fact that it's new and different. I think that if you are open to this, and aware, it could be something you explore and work on - could be a great chat-up line!! If it's seriously hampering your life and you are a bit older, it might be something that you want to speak to someone about and find out more about overcoming it with help.

[Aurian]

I have the same fear. I flinch from people touching me, and having some stranger next to me at a sporting event bumping into me is enough to make me get upset. I cringe and hunch away from people in a crowd because being brushed against or bumped makes my skin crawl.

 

However, when it is my choice to be touched, by my significant other, then I am fine with it - love it even.

 

Maybe you might find the same when you find someone you can trust?

[Night Pumpkin]

Dude,

 

You need to over come this fear. Sign up for some dancing lessons (partner dancing where, yes, you have to touch your partner. Keep doing it until you feel really comfortable touching other people.

[PsychGirly]

I think it's a phobia that would be simple to overcome if you attempted it.

 

You can start by letting someone close to you (family member, close friend) know that you have this phobia. Tell them that you want help getting over it, & have them initiate physical contact once in a while. You can try it, too.

 

Hugging people, shaking hands, or touching people's arms & such while conversating are all things you can do to help overcome the anxiety.

 

It's just gonna take some practice to get used to it.

[greywolf]

I used to be like this. I think that allowing someone to touch you makes yourself a little vulnerable, and I was extremely afraid of being vulnerable.

[SoMuchLove]

I can relate. When people want to give me hugs I give them handshakes haha. You just have to ease your way out of it because it is out of your comfort zone. Even the thought of people touching me weirds me out a little, but at a basic evolutionary level people need to be touced. I feel better after I've had human contact when I haven't had it in awhile.

[somethngwrng]

I think it's pretty common. I had it for a long time. You get de-sensitised to it when you hang out with people who touch a lot.

[Mantis]

How old are you? I don't think it's as uncommon as you think, and may be partly due to nerves and the fact that it's new and different. I think that if you are open to this, and aware, it could be something you explore and work on - could be a great chat-up line!! If it's seriously hampering your life and you are a bit older, it might be something that you want to speak to someone about and find out more about overcoming it with help.

 

I'm 20. I wouldn't call it debilitating, but I do think it's slowing me down.

 

However, I didn't realize so many people felt the same. Maybe it's not such a big deal then.

[marco76uk]

Can totally relate to this. The worst part is that if you're that edgy about being touched, you are (I guess, from my own experience) equally edgy about touching anyone else, because you think they'll be just as creeped out by it as you are, or even accuse you of harrassing them. So you always hold back and keep some distance from a girl, which can lead her to misread your intentions and think you're only interested in friendship.

 

The good news is that you do "kind of enjoy it". So ultimately, you will probably find it much more exciting than someone who touches all the time. You need to find a way of coming accross as confident in yourself and interested in the girl, but be honest that the physical part is going to have to come slowly and gently. How exactly to do that, I wish I knew.

[pacman]

You dont by chance have aspergers or highly functioning autism do you?

 

I am just saying because that is very common for people with aspergers, they dont like being touched.

[Mantis]

Can totally relate to this. The worst part is that if you're that edgy about being touched, you are (I guess, from my own experience) equally edgy about touching anyone else, because you think they'll be just as creeped out by it as you are, or even accuse you of harrassing them. So you always hold back and keep some distance from a girl, which can lead her to misread your intentions and think you're only interested in friendship.

 

The good news is that you do "kind of enjoy it". So ultimately, you will probably find it much more exciting than someone who touches all the time. You need to find a way of coming accross as confident in yourself and interested in the girl, but be honest that the physical part is going to have to come slowly and gently. How exactly to do that, I wish I knew.

 

Yeah, that also is part of the problem. Since I'm not comfortable with being touched, I'm also not comfortable touching other people. At all.

 

You dont by chance have aspergers or highly functioning autism do you?

 

I am just saying because that is very common for people with aspergers, they dont like being touched.

 

As far as I know, no. I haven't been to a shrink since I was like 8, but the only insanity I have is ADHD.

[CandyKins]

Hehe, I myself don't like being touched and when someone does I become like a dummy and stiff.

 

I think it's because you're not used to it and that's fine. This girl, the first time she hugged you, you felt uncomfortable but the second time you still felt uncomfortable but you liked it.

 

I don't think it's a huge problem you have, I suggest you don't hold back and keep confronting. It may feel wired but the more you do it the more less wired feeling it will feel.

 

Whatever you do don't force yourself, but give yourself the mental push to accept the touch.

 

Wish you well!

[marco76uk]

Was thinking about this in the week, wondering if there's something else behind it. Do you think it might be about power, a fear of allowing someone to have authority over you and taking some authority over them in return?

 

Personally I've always been very anti-authoritarian, have found it hard enough to accept the authority of relatives, teachers etc, and wonder if this may explain why when a girl gets close to me I suddenly start seeing them as an intruder who must be chased off.

[steve33]

Sounds like anxiety. If even a hug bothers you, you have a serious problem. Some people are incredibly touchy feely. I remember when my doctor would poke my stomach when I was a kid, it felt incredibly good, and for some reason when girls do that now, it doesn't feel as good. I guess the more you get touched, the more you get used to it, which also means the less good it feels.

[WorkingInLin]

I don't like being touched, either. It's more anxiety than anything, though.