Livewell Posted March 26, 2009 Share Posted March 26, 2009 I am wondering if my two year relationship has reached a too comfortable zone. I think I might be to blame in part. My BF met a girl who he eats lunch with at his college. They have cash plans so its real great if you can get a friend to swipe you in, so I said I was cool with that, like cool you share a class, cool. And he asked me if it was okay he was doing that-- Good job! But then this week he tells me he said yes to going to a formal function as her friend/date with her. So he tells me this... does not ask me. I am very uncomfortable with this plan, especially be cause I don't even know the girl. I feel in a weeks time this was too much and I felt stepped on and assumed. It made me upset. I realized, maybe we are too comfortable? Maybe I have alluded that I am "That Secure." Anyways, I told him going forwards I am not okay with that, and we need to talk about it before. He is deeply sorry for assuming it would be okay and he told me he would never do anything to hurt me ever and he love me so much and this girl is nothing! I know is natural in two years time and especially at our age for our relationship to change a little, but I feel he is taking me for granted, just a little, and I want to jushe (shake) it up a bit and know that it is not okay to feel we are "established" and "stale" I am not to be taken for granted. My friend told me to maybe seem just a little little less available to the guy. not a lot but a smidge to make them chase just a little bit. I will admit that is hard for me to do, I just love my man, he is my best friend in every way and ugh not giving him 100% of me is hard, but maybe in the long run healthier? What should I do? does this sounds like to comfortable to you? Link to comment
addictedblue Posted March 26, 2009 Share Posted March 26, 2009 He probably just figured that since you don't mind them eating together you wouldn't mind them going to a formal together. Both of these things, when done alone between a guy and girl can be seen as couple-ish things. He said he was really sorry. I think it's good that you can trust each other and are secure. What do you want...to not be secure? People yearn for comfortable relationships - that's the point of marriage. To be comfortable with each other so you can spend your life together. I don't see any need to "shake things up a bit." Link to comment
jul-els Posted March 26, 2009 Share Posted March 26, 2009 You can't chase someone once you've already caught them. That's not an option. He says he is sorry, he loves you, didn't mean to hurt you, and that girl is nothing. If that's the case then you have expressed that you don't want him going on that date. That means he doesn't go and that's the end of it. He shouldn't have a problem with that. Link to comment
foreveralone Posted March 26, 2009 Share Posted March 26, 2009 too cofy/lazy? I see what you're saying, but sweetie, he apologized, reassured, and corrected his mistake. He sounds wonderful. Two years is not a very long time. I don't think he is too comfy or lazy. I think he made a mistake. I think he was in a new situation, wasn't sure what to do and chose the wrong option. If you can forgive him, I would go ahead and move on as a couple and see if he doesn't do better in similar situations in the future. Link to comment
DN Posted March 26, 2009 Share Posted March 26, 2009 My friend told me to maybe seem just a little little less available to the guy. not a lot but a smidge to make them chase just a little bit. I will admit that is hard for me to do, I just love my man, he is my best friend in every way and ugh not giving him 100% of me is hard, but maybe in the long run healthier? Bad idea - that can go wrong in so many ways. I have seen people do that before and their partner thinks they have lost or are losing interest and that they are going to end up being dumped - so they preempt the breakup and do it themselves. Link to comment
odile Posted March 26, 2009 Share Posted March 26, 2009 If he hangs out with her regularly, then my feeling is that you should at least be introduced to one another. Link to comment
foreveralone Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 Bad idea - that can go wrong in so many ways. I have seen people do that before and their partner thinks they have lost or are losing interest and that they are going to end up being dumped - so they preempt the breakup and do it themselves. I agree. Don't ever resort to playing games. That is not how you treat someone you love. Be open and honest. Forgive him and move on as a couple. Link to comment
AnotherDude Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 Bad idea - that can go wrong in so many ways. I have seen people do that before and their partner thinks they have lost or are losing interest and that they are going to end up being dumped - so they preempt the breakup and do it themselves. I agree 100%. My girl started doing that and ever since then I have been wondering if she just wants me to break it off with her. Do not mess with your mans mind unless you want him to mess with yours. [-X Link to comment
vertigoxo Posted April 6, 2009 Share Posted April 6, 2009 Bad idea - that can go wrong in so many ways. I have seen people do that before and their partner thinks they have lost or are losing interest and that they are going to end up being dumped - so they preempt the breakup and do it themselves. I so agree with this one! I hate it when people think it's cute to play hard to get- in the real world, that's not the foundation of a hahppy, healthy relationship. My ex thought it's cute to not call me when he said he would, I guess for me to chase him a little. Yeah, right. And now I dumped him. Man, it feels so good to get that out in the open. Link to comment
king6 Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 If you want to spice it up a bit, step out of your shells and start doing new things together. Get freaky, explore each others interest. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.