TBK Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 Ok so my girlfriend and I broke up on sunday. We havent talked since then it kinda ended on her saying "shes done" I was like what do you mean, she said "I am done right now"... "you need to work on things".."I will call you later this week..... we had a fight and this convo was over the phone I make no contact with her at all.... Waiting this out. But I hear from a close friend that she was telling on monday that we broke up, but she still loves me and there is a possibilty that we could back toghter. she goes on telling this friend about how good of a guy I am and how much she cares and still loves me and all this good stuff. I still make no contact with her. (respecting her wishes) Tue Night she text me with "hi how are you doing" I reply with " I am ok, just driving, how about you" She Replys with "I am ok, I just wanted to make sure you know I care, cause I really really do.... I reply with "do you think we could talk?" She replys: " in a few days....Iam not ready. We need some time apart, I just wanted you to know that I was thinking about you and that I do very much care, I lll call you...." I reply with "ok sounds good" No comes to wensday (today).... My friend whos she sits with at work and talks to all the time she hasnt even mentioned it to him. so he happens to invite her and I to a party on thurs night. And then thats when she tells him. He said well I thought things were going good. she says yeah but some things kinda got outta hand. And that she did still love me and cared for me... but he didnt ask if were getting back togther or not but she didnt mention it either. I leave wor around noon to go to the doc's... So I just send a text saying, hey I am on my way to the doctors today, just thought you might want to know.... she replys with please let me know how everything turns out.... So here is the delema..... she leaves for her weekend trip tomorrow, and wont be back for a week.... I am thinking I need to go over there tonight and tell her how I truley feel. no begging and pleading just be honest with her, and about how I have used this time apart to improve my self and make things better. show here how I am doing this and that I have actually done it. You know not just telling her I am gonna change but actually show her that I am. Anyone else got any info or can shine some light on this subject? I just want her back..... Thanks... Link to comment
sosilver Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 I think you should wait till she is back. Definitely dont go over there. She sounds like she is not ready to talk. It might just make things worse. If you are changing, then do it, you dont have to tell her you are going to do it. Link to comment
TBK Posted March 26, 2009 Author Share Posted March 26, 2009 well I made the trek over there tonight... She was kinda suprized to see me and did tell me it was a bad time since she was in the middle of packing, but she took the time to see me for a second... I got her a little minnie mounse to match her mickey i had got for her a few months back and although she said I didnt need to buy her anything she did she was smiling and looked happy... good sign.. I gave her a letter I had wrote to her and she said thank you I will read them in the morning while on the plane, and then I said ok, she said I promise, and I will text you when I am done reading them.... we talked for a bit and she said she would call me in a couple days, because she still needs time... I said ok and then goodbye, I asked her for a hug and she said no, then not but a second later she ran up to me and gave me a big huge hug, I wispered into her ear that I loved her and I was sorry.... And then I left... Never at any point did she say anything negitive or bad.... so thats good I guess???? She knows I still want her, and she needs somtime to think about what she wants to do I guess, and I am ok, because she never at any point has said she wants nothing to do with me anymore and that we will never work.... I dunno I am kinda at a loss here... I guess I do have some stuff to be positive about. but I know I will be going NC unless she calls to talk to me.... but I wont be calling or contacting her... Link to comment
Decaf08 Posted March 26, 2009 Share Posted March 26, 2009 Not to be negative, but seriously, give her the space she needs, she won't be able to miss you if you're going to "trek" all the way to her place, give her presents, and butter her up with sweet words. You're reinforcing her behaviours to dump you. On the bright side though, since she's leaving for a trip that does give her the ability to miss you a lot more because her last thoughts of you were positive. Leave it at that, give her the chance to miss you. Stay strong! Link to comment
Rob1000 Posted March 26, 2009 Share Posted March 26, 2009 Dude, this girl is gonna walk right out of your life if you dont back off. Get out, disappear for a bit. Give her the gift of missing you. Value yourself, because if you don't, she certainly wont. Heed this advise or you could be in this liimbo situation for a LONG time. Link to comment
RobD70 Posted March 26, 2009 Share Posted March 26, 2009 I reply with "do you think we could talk?" Don't ask things like this again. When she's want to talk she'll tell you. Asking puts pressure on her so no more questions. They never tell you want you want to hear anyway (look how she answered it). Don't talk about the relationship. I leave wor around noon to go to the doc's... So I just send a text saying, hey I am on my way to the doctors today, just thought you might want to know.... she replys with please let me know how everything turns out.... Stop doing this. No more initiating contact. Only respond to her and don't tell her what's going on in your life. Be vague. So here is the delema..... she leaves for her weekend trip tomorrow, and wont be back for a week.... I am thinking I need to go over there tonight and tell her how I truley feel. no begging and pleading just be honest with her, and about how I have used this time apart to improve my self and make things better. show here how I am doing this and that I have actually done it. You know not just telling her I am gonna change but actually show her that I am. I know you already did this but it was a mistake. It makes you look needy and desperate. You need to back away, the more she sees/hears from you the more she'll want to get away. She will not go back to you until she misses you and she can't miss you if you keep talking to her. Link to comment
sosilver Posted March 26, 2009 Share Posted March 26, 2009 TBK, You are making it easier for her but harder for you by baring your feelings. Its leaving you vulnerable and making her stronger in whatevr she wants to do. Link to comment
MrSoAndSo2009 Posted March 26, 2009 Share Posted March 26, 2009 You have to play your cards very carefully here. She is giving you mixed signals and from your point of view you are confident that she still loves you and that you can hold onto her. In actuality, it is likely you are reinforcing her ability to leave you (if not now, then soon). One wonders what you wrote in that letter, but if she is seriously thinking of leaving you to "explore" other options or to enjoy single life again, then she will now have lots of ammunition to string you along and cause you a lot of pain. Of course, right now you don't think this is possible. How could your sweet girl do such a thing to you? Well, there are powerful psychological forces at work here that have very little to do with you, and most of it is operating on her at a subconscious level of awareness. This is extremely common and you will be shocked when she really drops the bomb on you. But -- you might be in a really good position and the timing could be perfect if you read this before she goes through with it. (ok maybe she won't, but it looks inevitable) When she finally tells you "yeah I really want to break up, I just need time on my own, blah blah blah," you will be prepared to calmly tell her that you totally accept her decision, that it's ok and you understand, and you will let her go with love so that she can have her freedom (say this!). Don't beg, don't profess your love, etc. -- give her the chance to feel insecure about how easily you accept this decision. Go into "polite" NC (when she tries to get your attention, respond by reminding her that you want to respect her space and that being friends would complicate that right now). It will make her want you more and more. Be patient, stay calm, no anger, no blame, no guilt (even if she spends the weekend with another guy, you don't need to know this) -- don't make the classic mistakes. Edit: By the way, you didn't give any info about how long you've been together, how committed, long-term plans?, etc. It might be hard to see right now, but there are obviously "issues" in this relationship or else this wouldn't be happening. You need to take a look at that. Edit2: Most guys screw this up because they are too emotionally involved. Are you going to heed the advice here or go down the path of the "dumpee"? Good luck. Link to comment
TBK Posted March 29, 2009 Author Share Posted March 29, 2009 Ok so here is the lastest news for you guys..... She is still in Louisville.... Comes back next week. On Friday her best friend hits me up and asked me if I wana chat over a few beers after work. So I roll out and we meet up at and watch the game at the bar. (same game my girl went to) just general chit chat until after about 3 beers we go out side for a smoke and thats when things start to come out. She told me, I told your girl that I was gonna take you out and I didnt want her to think I was tryng to get her man. Thats when I said that well right now I am not her man that she broke up with me. She was like, dude, shes not going anywhere, believe it or not she needs you as much as you need her, She told me she would show me all the text where she had asked her if she should call me to see if I was ok and what not. I was like well she broke up with me, she changed her myspace to single, then she said why do you think she changed that, because she knew you would look at it. She said you just need to relax and give her the space that she asked for and not worry about it anymore….. She said if she didn’t love you and still care for you and want to be with you that she would have sent your ass packing when you came over on wed night. Again she said don’t worry she isn’t going any where…. (now mind you this is after about 3-4 beers…. So later that night, I texted her (the friend) to make sure she got home ok, and got her stuff taken care of and what not… I again asked her if she truly believed that “shes not going anywhere”….. And her reply was ….I don’t know I haven’t talked to her about that. So I am kinda mixed up. I don’t know what to take of all that. Wonder if she slipped up from the few beers she had and said somethings that she shouldn’t have or wasn’t susposto say? I dunno…. But I have remained at NC with her to this point. Its been rough and I have had some times where I really wanted to call her but I haven’t… I guess I am just tired of being in this so called limbo… I want to know if she still wants this or should I just walk away and move on… ugh this sucks… Link to comment
rivercitystein Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 Always be careful listening to a third party when it comes to your GF feelings. Let her be the one to tell you. Take what you heard with a grain of salt. There's no way the other girl knows exactly what is going on in your GF head. It just may be her opinion. Link to comment
sosilver Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 Hi I know this is tough, but you have to hang in there and continue NC. She may or may not get in touch with you right away, so be calm and patient. Keep us posted if you hear anything. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 Wow...! TBK you are on a train that's about to wreck. You've asked for advice yet disregarded every bit of advice given you to pursue your own path. Hmmm... why ask then? Many of us have done this in the past as we to figured we know better and "our love" is different. Alrighty then... Wish you the best buddy. I'll be following your story. Link to comment
MrSoAndSo2009 Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 "Be careful" is good advice. I have nothing to add to my previous post in this thread based on this new information. But, it's so hard to see this when you are living "in the drama" yourself. Link to comment
TBK Posted April 5, 2009 Author Share Posted April 5, 2009 Ok so heres whats happened since she has come back..... She ended up getting back on wed morning, her flight got cancled on tue night.... So I made some of her favorite lemon bars, and wrote her a nice letter, explaining how i felt and how I would like to fix things. She got the letter and we ended up talking face to face... She said she loves me many times and that she cares for me alot. That she says we still need sometime. Bascily said that the ball is in my court. If I work on the things that I need to work on she will give me another chance. She also said that she doesnt want me out of her life.... but there will be no chance of a relationship until she see's the things i need to work on come true, and knows that they cant be done in a week.... All in due time my friends.... Somtimes you just need to listen to them. And if what they say is true, like in my case I know I need to work on things, it all will work out... Either life or the relationship... I will keep you guys posted on what happens.. Link to comment
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