I think my mother has a mental illness?

[NightLily]

Im so sorry I keep shooting down ideas but this is a very complicated situation with a head strong woman.

 

My mom is christian and does not believe in yoga. She feels there is a new age/buddist connection which conflicts with her religious beliefs.

 

As an idea.. there is such thing as Christian counseling. Or, she could talk to a priest. It isn't as good as a real therapist but at least it is a step in the right direction.

 

My mom is the same way about the yoga.

[dan10]

Im so sorry I keep shooting down ideas but this is a very complicated situation with a head strong woman.

 

My mom is christian and does not believe in yoga. She feels there is a new age/buddist connection which conflicts with her religious beliefs.

 

well if she doesnt believe in yoga what about tai chi. that has nothing to do with religion or anything it was just simply a way to practice different forms of basically karate with slow controlled movements. so it shouldnt conflict with her religious beliefs and it might help calm her nerves a little if she thinks she knows how to fight someone off.

[NightLily]

Suzy: I know you mentioned an intervention, and that is great advice. However, she doesnt want us to tell anyone for fear they wont believe her, so that would be violation of her trust and might make it worse? My mom is the type to make drastic decisions like move far away without telling anyone. I am afraid she will do this. She did it when I was young and lived with her. She would get depressed or someone would piss her off and move accross the country with 50 bucks in our pockets.

 

I very nearly did the same thing a few days ago. But that was kind of a different story and a different thread.

 

From the sounds of that though it does sound more like Bipolar.

 

I have only watched those TV shows that document interventions and generally the person isn't happy about it at all. The assumption is that they won't be so don't let that stop you. If that is the last resort, and she refuses you won't be able to help her so she might as well move away.

 

I think there might be things you can try before that though.

[Qut81]

As an idea.. there is such thing as Christian counseling. Or, she could talk to a priest. It isn't as good as a real therapist but at least it is a step in the right direction.

 

My mom is the same way about the yoga.

 

That is a great idea!! Christian counseling, why didnt I think of that? Perfect, maybe one day when I go and visit her, I will take her to church and have someone talk to her.

[Miss Firecracker]

Haha.. that is a really cute letter. Firecracker: is he on Lithium? It worked really well for my uncle with BP I.

 

So far they don't think I am BP I so I am pretty lucky.

 

No, he is on Depakote. Has never tried Lithium, but the way things go he probably will before it's over. They adjust and adjust. He ballooned to 200 lbs. from one combination, and thank goodness they have gotten his weight way down now. He was always very slender, and that just broke my heart when he got so big.

 

I am just thankful this son has never been a drinker because that would be such a deadly combination.

[Qut81]

Drugs only mask the real issue. I wish there was a way to cure mental illness.

[Miss Firecracker]

I know. I know. If only. That would be wonderful.

[blehblah]

Hi Out81,

 

I'm not sure if you still post here or not, but I just stumbled upon this and decided to register in order to share my story, which is very similar to yours.

 

My mother is very similar to your mother. She always fought with everybody that was close to her, that she saw as "competition." She had a horrible relationship with my grandmother and my aunt (her in-laws), because my dad had a good relationship with them. I was raised to think that they were bad people. She also constantly thought my dad was cheating on her, and they would argue almost every day when I was a kid.

 

As I started growing up, like you, I started realizing something wasn't right. She would be friendly with her girlfriends for a while, but then, all of a sudden, cut off contact with them because they had done something to wrong her. She started to think the neighbors were "listening to her" all the time, and basically telling us that their whole life consisted of conspiring against her to put her down or make her look bad. The neighbors around us moved out because of all of the arguments, and new ones moved in, and yet the same thing. They were listening on the walls, so we couldn't talk loud. We couldn't leave our windows open. Anytime something was missing, the neihgbors stole it to drive her crazy. When the sink got clogged, it's because the neighbors were putting chemicals into the water. When the neighbors invited someone over, it's because they were trying to show off or intimidate her.

 

At some point, I realized she needed help and explained that to my father so we could try to get her to go see a psychologist. Didn't work. She would say my dad was on their side conspiring against her so he could get rid of her and marry someone else. She would say I'm too young and naive to understand, and that I'm a horrible child for not helping her "beat" the neighbors. (very similar to your mother). She basically made us feel guilty because we weren't helping her with the suffering she was going through, but as I'm sure you know, you cannot help someone when it's not real.

 

What your mother and my mother have is a disorder called paranoid personality. You can look it up the diagnostic criteria in the DSM-IV, or just find it online. These people tend to be very delusionally suspicious and paranoid, and also tend to have strong religious and folk beliefs (my mother also believes God will help her, and that other people are putting curses on her).

 

My mother also doesn't want to see a psychologist, because she believes she is right and everyone else is wrong or doesn't understand. She thinks she has superior perception than anyone else (a symptom), and absolutely refuses to see anyone about it because she feels it's degrading.

 

To this day my mother has not seen a psychologist and I don't see her doing so anytime soon. Her mental disorder has already unfortunately destroyed our family, and nobody is pushing her to do it anymore.

 

I hope that you will be able to help your mother get treatment for this order so that your family doesn't end up like mine. Keep in mind people like your mother and my mother do not live normal, happy lives. To help them get treatment is an obligation of ours. I have failed in my obligation, but hopefully, you and your sister might fulfill yours.

[teabee]

OP I cried my eyes out reading this thread because my mother has similar mental health issues and it is so heartbreaking. I just realized last week that she's having another episode of psychosis (possibly paranoid schizophrenia, but she has no formal diagnosis that I know of) and I can hardly bear it. Having an ill loved one--especially someone so close to you like a parent--is an extremely difficult and painful burden to bear. I've been caring for my own mother off and on since I got old enough to take the role of primary caretaker. When I was younger I thought my mom was normal. She was a goddess and a role model to me. Now I still love her more than anything, but I go through hell with her.

 

That is the thing. She is now physically ill and at one point I was going to allow her to live with me. However, I dont know if I can deal with the stress. My sister is 9 yrs older than me and took care of her most of her life. She graduated top of her class with a BA and bought her own house. In the last couple yrs, she lost her job, her home, and her health. I believe it has to do with focusing on my mother. I know I should take up my end of the bargin and help my mom. But I dont think living together would be healthy. I have my own mild depression that I cant handle sometimes and I know this is selfish but I dont think I can handle her problems and my problems.

 

Definitely trust yourself here. You still have to live your own life and you can't help her if you let yourself be dragged down into a hole.

 

My mom has success on meds, the difficulty is getting her to a doctor (then making sure she takes her pills AND making sure she doesn't take them all at once). I accomplished this in the past when 1. she was so far out of it that she let me lead her around like a child or 2. when I was so stressed I would literally crumble to the floor crying and beg her to go to the doctor for me. You could try stressing that she should go for YOU. Acknowledge that SHE'S not crazy and she doesn't need to go, but YOU are the one that needs this from her. It's not working on my mom at the moment, unfortunately, but often if enough people start telling her she needs to see a doctor, she will eventually get herself there.