Getting back together really does happen!

[MeetAnArtist 1]

I have couple.

My friend dated her husband for awhile despite him knowing that she is the one for him. But my friend was not so sure. She broke up with him for a year and date another guy. Her husband was disappointed and kept praying she will come around. He did date other women, but they were not the ones he wanted. Finally, my friend came back and they dated for couple years and got married 2 years ago. They're are the cutest couple I've known. 

My parents dated for a few months before going their separate ways. Fast forward to several years later, my mom rang up my dad and asked him on a date. They dated for the next 2 years and are happily married. 

Mom said said she never thought my dad was the man for her, but sometimes, life works out funny. 

I pray I'll get to share my story here someday, but times will tell. 

[Rorshachblots 1]

Any stories of short term relationships (less than 8 months) that went through a break up and worked out? Looking for a bit of hope here 

[MeetAnArtist 1]

On 2/15/2021 at 1:38 AM, Rorshachblots said:

Any stories of short term relationships (less than 8 months) that went through a break up and worked out? Looking for a bit of hope here 

Not someone I know, but a story I've heard. It was about a woman who dated a man less than a year, but she ended it with him because she felt like she wasn't ready for a commitment. They went no contact for several years until they ran into each others out in public. The man wanted them to give it a second shot, and the woman agreed. They've dated for two years and little did she know that man was her future sprouse. They got married few years back and even have a baby on way.

Edited February 27 by MeetAnArtist
Spelling errors

[summerdays 0]

Bump!

I love this thread. I’ve read every page and it’s helping me through a tough time. I’m sad to have reached the end! Thanks for everyone’s contributions. Does anyone else have stories? 

[reece0309 1]

I've read through this thread twice now, really hoping that my ex who I was with for 5 years comes back! We broke up more cause of external circumstances and stressors, which makes it really frustrating cause it's not like it was us as people. If I'm lucky enough to have him come back (he has breadcrumbed me 3x in the past few months) I'll for sure share my story as this thread has been a lifeline. Anyway, here's  some stories I have!

My ex's parents broke up before they got married - I believe 6-7 times, and it wasn't the same person doing the dumping each time. Now they've been happily married for about 25 years.

R and H dated for about a year, then she was wanting to go live abroad and he wasn't sure. She broke up with him and it was hard on both of them. She asked for him back a few weeks later, but he turned her down. Still, it goes to show dumpers do come back.

R and A dated for a year and a half then had a mutual breakup where they went NC. About a month later, A reached out to say she wanted to work on things and try. It took R a little bit longer to come around, but he agreed and decided he wanted to fix things. They dated again for about 6 months, and they've just broken up again, but I'm pretty confident they'll get back together.

K and E were FWB for 3 months, then dated for 3 months. K had commitment issues so they reverted back to FWB for another 6 months then he pulled the plug on being FWB and dated someone else. That only lasted a few months then they went back to FWB for about 10 months, still having feelings for each other. Once again, K got nervous and ended being FWB rather abruptly and they had a period of NC for 4 months. A traumatic event that happened made E reach out to K, and they started up their friendship and benefits once again, which has been ongoing for about 8 months. They both care about each other and probably have loved each other this whole time, K is just working through his commitment issues and they've talked about formally dating again by the end of this year.

M and A have been on and off for several years with a number of breakups. Every time one of them ends up reaching out to the other by the 2 month mark of NC and they patch things up.

These are all the ones I can think of off the top of my head, but when I hear more I'll post again!

[Jambalaya421 14]

my ex made comments about she stought of coming back 20 times, but im happy to tell her no now. quit reading this thread for hope people. go live your life. took me a year to stop hoping! reading this and watching videos keeps you in a never ending hope trap. 

[WMTH1234 9]

This thread is great - truly has helped me in my healing process. Just some notes on takeaways before my reconciliation stories:

1) For those of you asking "what are your chances" - know that (a) no one can predict the chances of reconciliation in your situation, (b) stories with similar fact patterns are not indicative of what may happen, and (c) there is nothing you can do to increase your chances of reconciliation. Be the best version of yourself and focus on yourself.

However, also be easy on yourselves - I believe there is a certain period during the healing process where your brain desperately wants assurances, answers, certainty in the future, etc. You can't help but seek answers, but that need will fade in time as you heal. Similarly, early in the healing process it is impossible to focus on yourself. However, keep taking the right actions and eventually it will happen. You may not think any healing is happening, even when you're doing all the right things, but you'll eventually be able to look back and be happy that you created new memories and improved yourself during that time you were completely miserable.

2) What this thread has brought home is that everything outside of my own actions is out of my control. I can only focus being on the best person I can be and that is the only way I can impact my future. I cannot make anyone else do or feel anything. This extends to the idea that, even though I have control of my actions and how I interact with others, no matter what I do, I cannot do things to guarantee that another person will love or appreciate me. That has to come from them.

3) Related to (2), I have reached the following mentality which has helped me to heal. I am (very) open to reconciliation with my ex because I believe we are incredibly compatible and make each other better. However, that is only how I see our relationship. If he does not view our relationship in that way, all it means is that we were not actually that compatible because we clearly don't see eye-to-eye on this topic. What is meant to be will be, and I deserve a relationship better than the one I had before (because I deserve to be in a relationship with someone who is giving me 100%). Whether this is with my ex or someone new, I can't say - but I know it will be better because I won't accept anything less.

Ok! Now onto what everyone wants to hear:

(1) My very best friend and her boyfriend originally met the year after college. I think they were together a year or so, but then he was deployed. During his deployment, she felt neglected. Specifically, he wouldn't call or message her even when she saw he was online. She broke up with him and told him to never contact her again. She took the break-up pretty hard (her mom came up to stay with her for a while) but then completely moved on - never expected to hear from him again. About 9 months after the break-up, he reaches out, they reconnect, and they begin dating again. They've always had a bit of a volatile relationship (breaking up for a few days at a time when they get angry with each other), but did get married this past December - 8 years (minus 9 months) after they first got together.

(2) Another one of my good friends just got back with her ex. They met in law school and had dated about 4 or 5 years. She always admired him intellectually, but honestly she is a bit of a commitment-phobe and never seemed truly head over heels for him. About 6 months to a year ago (not quite certain of the timeline), she breaks up with him because she finds he lied about something. She said it wasn't cheating or anything, it was something small, but evidently it was a deal breaker for her. They stayed in contact as friends (she offered his help to me when I recently moved lol) and just recently got back together. Again, she doesn't really seem that into him, so who knows what will happen in the long run.

(3) A girl I just met told me her reconciliation story. She had met these two guys, A and B, around the same time. She dated them both casually, but really fell in love with A. Well - A was recently separated from his wife, but called off his relationship with my friend when he and his wife decided to try and make it work. My friend was devastated, but decides to just move on with B. B and her move in together. Even though A broke up with her, he stays in contact during this time. Eventually, A and his wife realize they can't make it work and decide to finalize the separation. A then begins to seriously pursue my friend again. About a year after my friend met A and B, she realizes its not working with B and that she really wants to be with A. She just recently moved countries to be with A and they are getting a dog and talking about marriage.

[WMTH1234 9]

Actually! Just thought of a few more (though I wouldn't say all of them are positive):

(1) My ex's parents were apart for a year or so - he was abroad and she dated and was about to marry another guy. I don't know the details, but apparently swooped back in the nick of time. She still tells him how lucky he is because the other guy was evidently rich and from a successful, well-connected family.

(2) One of my best guy friends keeps getting back together with his baby mama, sometimes after years apart. However - their relationship is super volatile and I'm honestly not sure it's a good thing they keep getting back together.

(3) My ex's sister was with this guy who kept not putting in enough effort, although she really loved him and kept going out of her way to make it work for them. They broke up several times during that period but always got back together. Finally, after breaking up with her, she effectively breaks up with him - telling him that it's over for real. They are apart a long time (maybe a year?) when he comes crawling back, trying to make it work. She, at this point, is totally over him and tells him to go take a hike.

[HopelessRomantic7 0]

On 7/16/2009 at 11:33 AM, Puckdog27 said:

I’ve gotten so much encouragement from this thread that I felt compelled to share my own experience. Warning, this is long, but hopefully it can give you hope too. 
 

Jessica (45) and I (44) met online in December of 2019. Neither, I think, was truly looking for something serious but by April we were in love and saw each other multiple times a week, with and without our kids. It was wonderful. We never fought, truly enjoyed our time together, took the kids on vacation over the summer, had a little romantic getaway of our own and generally made the best of covid. 
After a couple of minor disagreements, she broke it off at the end of August. I was distraught and committed every mistake in the book: chased, pleaded, overanalyzed, tried to show her she was wrong (took me a while to understand that one!). All to no avail for the first few weeks. 
On 09/21, I sent her a long message, my final plea. She replied “all I can give you is friendship.” The next evening, we texted and I again tried to convince to give us a chance. “We’re done,” was her reply, to which I could only answer “OK.  Have a good night.”

The following morning, she texted to see how I was and what I was doing the day before my birthday. Later that day, acting on a hunch, I texted back that she was welcome to come to my birthday and that I hadn’t invited her simply because I though she wouldn’t want to come. Early on my birthday, she said she’d like to if the invite still stood. 
We hung out with our kids and a couple of friends. Then everyone went inside to get dinner ready, except for us. The second we were alone, she looked me in the eye and said “it’s so nice to see you.” I replied it was and she suddenly kissed me. The most passionate, emotional kiss of my life. 
 

While she stipulated we could see each other as “friends,” we were back together within a month. When I asked her weeks later why she came, she simply said “I really missed you.” 
 

The new relationship was incredible. While she used to run from tough situations before (she might have avoidant tendencies), she’d come back right away and talk. I worked on my own issues (patience was one due to personal stressors over the summer and I tend to get passionate about things, which makes her uncomfortable due to her childhood experience). We spent more time together than before, the sex, the intimacy and the affection were amazing and I honestly could not have been happier. She seemed happy too. 
 

From an early stage I knew she was the love of my life. The challenges of that breakup and subsequent issues only reinforced that feeling in me over time. I’d been married for years, had my share of relationships, but this one was one of a kind. I hate the word, but she was my soulmate. I could not wait to grow old with her. We spoke of marriage and moving in logistics, of taking trips together. 
 

Sadly, this past March, she broke up again, out of the blue. I know how that sounds but even she admitted this was “out of left field.” She was adamant during the call that there would be no negotiating, no third chance. She said things she said the first time around, that sounded so final back then but that we obviously managed to get over and that didn’t match her actions leading up to the breakup. She’d been so demonstrative, loving, affectionate, so eager to see me, right up to the end. 
 

During that call, I opted for listening. For understanding why this was happening, rather than going into fixing mode. I think I was even more confused after we hung up. Then I started NC. That lasted 10 days. Since we had agreed to have a face to face, I checked in with her to schedule that. She answered my texts and a phone call in a cheery way, but wasn’t committed to meeting quite yet. I decided to let her reach out when she was ready. 
 

One month after the breakup, I texted her to say how much I missed her. I was drunk. It was stupid. She replied the next day, apologizing for hurting me. Stupidly, I started texting her about how I wish we’d talked about this sooner, to prevent the breakup., how I felt we didn’t really try. 
She said she tried. I see an instance or two where she did and I messed up, but the rest must’ve been hints that I didn’t pick up on in spite of my hyper awareness since the first breakup. 

That conversation was a mistake. We didn’t fight and while I didn’t beg, I did frustrate her and made her feel unheard. That night she unfriended me on FB. 

So, the point here is that coming back from a breakup is entirely possible, even though she had told me early on that once she breaks up, she never comes back. In our case she did once and I hope she does again. Maintaining the new relationship is the challenge and I absolutely see my own shortcomings in that regard. 
 

It’s been 2 months since I’ve seen her, 6 weeks since the breakup and 2 weeks since that ill-fated text exchange. I believe we are made for each other, though she told me during the breakup that we’re mismatched. I don’t hold that belief out of grief or nostalgia. Rather I KNOW because I’ve done a serious emotional inventory as well as lots of work on how my actions contributed to this second breakup. But I also realize that is MY conviction, not hers. Not right now anyway. 

I have my ups and downs, I’m sad, I miss her so much but fundamentally I believe we can get back together again but she has to experience the loss too. Love doesn’t die that fast and we truly love(d) each other. What I’m working on is addressing those things in me I know make her feel like running. They’re not massive, but any chance of reconciliation will be hindered by not resolving them once and for all. I’ve also tried to take the longer view, mostly thanks to everyone that has posted here over the years. This will take some time, I can’t rush it but I’m also not giving up. 
 

I want to hold her, now, lose myself in her soulful brown eyes, but I realize the value of time and space for both of us. I’m not at peace with it yet, but I know it’s the only way. 
 

Thanks to everyone who posted their experiences here. I come here daily for strength and I hope that the first part of my story will help others on the same path. 
 

 

[Jambalaya421 14]

12 minutes ago, HopelessRomantic7 said:

I’ve gotten so much encouragement from this thread that I felt compelled to share my own experience. Warning, this is long, but hopefully it can give you hope too. 
 

Jessica (45) and I (44) met online in December of 2019. Neither, I think, was truly looking for something serious but by April we were in love and saw each other multiple times a week, with and without our kids. It was wonderful. We never fought, truly enjoyed our time together, took the kids on vacation over the summer, had a little romantic getaway of our own and generally made the best of covid. 
After a couple of minor disagreements, she broke it off at the end of August. I was distraught and committed every mistake in the book: chased, pleaded, overanalyzed, tried to show her she was wrong (took me a while to understand that one!). All to no avail for the first few weeks. 
On 09/21, I sent her a long message, my final plea. She replied “all I can give you is friendship.” The next evening, we texted and I again tried to convince to give us a chance. “We’re done,” was her reply, to which I could only answer “OK.  Have a good night.”

The following morning, she texted to see how I was and what I was doing the day before my birthday. Later that day, acting on a hunch, I texted back that she was welcome to come to my birthday and that I hadn’t invited her simply because I though she wouldn’t want to come. Early on my birthday, she said she’d like to if the invite still stood. 
We hung out with our kids and a couple of friends. Then everyone went inside to get dinner ready, except for us. The second we were alone, she looked me in the eye and said “it’s so nice to see you.” I replied it was and she suddenly kissed me. The most passionate, emotional kiss of my life. 
 

While she stipulated we could see each other as “friends,” we were back together within a month. When I asked her weeks later why she came, she simply said “I really missed you.” 
 

The new relationship was incredible. While she used to run from tough situations before (she might have avoidant tendencies), she’d come back right away and talk. I worked on my own issues (patience was one due to personal stressors over the summer and I tend to get passionate about things, which makes her uncomfortable due to her childhood experience). We spent more time together than before, the sex, the intimacy and the affection were amazing and I honestly could not have been happier. She seemed happy too. 
 

From an early stage I knew she was the love of my life. The challenges of that breakup and subsequent issues only reinforced that feeling in me over time. I’d been married for years, had my share of relationships, but this one was one of a kind. I hate the word, but she was my soulmate. I could not wait to grow old with her. We spoke of marriage and moving in logistics, of taking trips together. 
 

Sadly, this past March, she broke up again, out of the blue. I know how that sounds but even she admitted this was “out of left field.” She was adamant during the call that there would be no negotiating, no third chance. She said things she said the first time around, that sounded so final back then but that we obviously managed to get over and that didn’t match her actions leading up to the breakup. She’d been so demonstrative, loving, affectionate, so eager to see me, right up to the end. 
 

During that call, I opted for listening. For understanding why this was happening, rather than going into fixing mode. I think I was even more confused after we hung up. Then I started NC. That lasted 10 days. Since we had agreed to have a face to face, I checked in with her to schedule that. She answered my texts and a phone call in a cheery way, but wasn’t committed to meeting quite yet. I decided to let her reach out when she was ready. 
 

One month after the breakup, I texted her to say how much I missed her. I was drunk. It was stupid. She replied the next day, apologizing for hurting me. Stupidly, I started texting her about how I wish we’d talked about this sooner, to prevent the breakup., how I felt we didn’t really try. 
She said she tried. I see an instance or two where she did and I messed up, but the rest must’ve been hints that I didn’t pick up on in spite of my hyper awareness since the first breakup. 

That conversation was a mistake. We didn’t fight and while I didn’t beg, I did frustrate her and made her feel unheard. That night she unfriended me on FB. 

So, the point here is that coming back from a breakup is entirely possible, even though she had told me early on that once she breaks up, she never comes back. In our case she did once and I hope she does again. Maintaining the new relationship is the challenge and I absolutely see my own shortcomings in that regard. 
 

It’s been 2 months since I’ve seen her, 6 weeks since the breakup and 2 weeks since that ill-fated text exchange. I believe we are made for each other, though she told me during the breakup that we’re mismatched. I don’t hold that belief out of grief or nostalgia. Rather I KNOW because I’ve done a serious emotional inventory as well as lots of work on how my actions contributed to this second breakup. But I also realize that is MY conviction, not hers. Not right now anyway. 

I have my ups and downs, I’m sad, I miss her so much but fundamentally I believe we can get back together again but she has to experience the loss too. Love doesn’t die that fast and we truly love(d) each other. What I’m working on is addressing those things in me I know make her feel like running. They’re not massive, but any chance of reconciliation will be hindered by not resolving them once and for all. I’ve also tried to take the longer view, mostly thanks to everyone that has posted here over the years. This will take some time, I can’t rush it but I’m also not giving up. 
 

I want to hold her, now, lose myself in her soulful brown eyes, but I realize the value of time and space for both of us. I’m not at peace with it yet, but I know it’s the only way. 
 

Thanks to everyone who posted their experiences here. I come here daily for strength and I hope that the first part of my story will help others on the same path. 
 

 

sounds like she was pretending during the 2nd go around. she deserves an emmy. I respect your takingownershipand sound like a great guy but the odds of a thrird time working out are nextto impoossible!!!

[HopelessRomantic7 0]

3 minutes ago, Jambalaya421 said:

sounds like she was pretending during the 2nd go around. she deserves an emmy. I respect your takingownershipand sound like a great guy but the odds of a thrird time working out are nextto impoossible!!!

What gives you that impression? She put in the work truly changed her tendency to run away. I even talked to her about it when things were good. It was impressive. You can’t fake that. She was also so eager to spend time together, so much of it. Had she lost her feelings, that would’ve dwindled. 
Obviously I’m not the one with the most perspective here! 

[Andrina 868]

You've already seen a pattern here, so you'd be plain dumb to ignore it. She'd rather run away than care enough to stay and work on issues. She doesn't care enough, regardless of the reason. She either operates like this with every guy, or sees a dealbreaker with you, or something is missing to make her not want longterm. Do you have a fulfilling life besides having a girlfriend, because it seems you have her on a pedestal, and if you've made her the sole center of your universe, I'm sure she feels smothered.

On again, off again relationships mean they aren't meant to be. And you're pooh-poohing her view that you're mismatched. Perhaps she has removed the rose colored glasses and you haven't.

I'd advise for your own good to end the self-talk about her being the love of your life. It's your wishful thinking, but I'd only believe that if you're together and stay that way the rest of your lives. That belief will prevent you from moving on. You might work on your self esteem during this time, as it could be that you subconsciously accept what you think you're worth, which is someone who treats you like a yo-yo. 

In my experience, it usually took me at least a good 4 to 6 months to get over someone, and with time and distance, I got a clearer view that the relationship wasn't good for me even if I'd thought so at the time. Those life experiences were helpful for me to realize what I didn't want in a partner, and was happy to be free when the right one came along. I appreciated him all the more.

[Seraphim 2,137]

My parents broke up like 15 times so so so so glad they finally stayed apart. It was a horror show for all involved.