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I have been struggling so hard with NC tonight. I've been crying my eyes out for the past hour just wondering how this is so easy for him, how he could just let me go, wondering if this is really it forever...so thank you for this post. I needed it so incredibly much.

 

Trust me when I say I know exactly how you feel, and exactly what you're going through. I never even imagined when I finally decided to post here tonight that I would be comforting a stranger in some way, I just figured that I owed it to 113 pages worth of people with shattering hearts to know that there is yet one more person out there going through the same things, and that no matter how lonely things may seem in your darkest hour, you are NEVER alone. Be strong.

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I'm a cynic at the best of times, and I'm no longer pining for my ex and I'm ready for the chance to explore something new.   However I'm always miffed by posters who seemingly rain on the parade of

My ex-fiancée broke up with me 14 years ago (see my first posts on ENA). 14 years later she contacted me, we are back together and getting married this coming October.

That said...I've gotten back together with an ex "successfully" before.   I was in love with this guy, we had been dating for a short amount of time but it was very intense and real. I broke up with

After 8 months apart, my ex and I got back together, even after I thought we were over for good. This is just my own personal experience and I don't intend for it to be a "how-to" on how to get your ex back.

 

What helped? For one thing - and this won't necessarily be the best thing for everyone- we dated other people in between. I didn't go looking for anybody, but I hit it off with a friend of a friend at a birthday party and I decided to give it a shot. It was an enjoyable albeit brief relationship and at the time, I even thought my new bf was even more compatible with me than my ex (I even wrote a thread about it here). That unfortunately turned out to be wrong - I won't go into detail - and to top it off he was moving accross the country for a job. It was an amicable split, and I don't regret it. It made me feel confident about dating again and knowing that there were other great guys out there besides my ex.

 

My ex and I reconnected after studying for finals together, as we shared two classes. He said he had been thinking about me a lot, and admitted that his decision to breakup was stubborn and irrational. Finally, he said that he wanted to get back together and make things better. I see so many people on these boards trying to decipher "I miss you" messages from their ex - but unless they explicitly state that they want to get back together, take it with a grain of salt.

 

We were in NC for several months until this point. When I found out he was dating someone, I did not lash out at him and let him know I was happy for him. He later said he was impressed with my emotional maturity. We both contributed to the downfall of the relationship and we apologized to each other and vowed to work on our problems. So far, things have been going well.

 

What didn't help? Early in the breakup I snooped on his blog, sent him angry texts, begged for him to come back, and made drunken phone calls - basically, all the things you shouldn't do. I read those stupid "how to get your ex back e-books", which are obviously designed to scam the heartbroken out of their money. All of these things pushed my ex away. Overall, I believe that letting go of all hope, going NC, spending more time with friends, doing new things, and genuinely trying to move on are crucial actions after a breakup. After 8 months, my ex and I just kind of drifted back to each other naturally without and ulterior motives or plots to get him back. Even if we didn't get back together, I felt happy and content being single.

 

Oh, and we recently attended his friend's wedding together. And guess what? The bride and the groom had broken up for a few months before getting back together. She told him she "just wanted to be friends", but obviously down the road she realized she had made a mistake. They even incorporated the story into the wedding speeches..haha.

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My ex just broke up with me because of the stress of our relationship on her law school education and another 3 years of LDR. We we're together 7 years and high school sweethearts with marriage plans n stuff so i hope things work out for us in the future... But i would like to share her brother's story that gives us both hope to be back together one day.

 

Her family moved here from the Philippines. Her oldest brother was 16 at the time and was with his girlfriend and first love for quite awhile. They tried to make it work overseas but at that age and without the technology we had today it ultimately was going to fail. When he was in his late 20's he met a new girl and dated for 6 years or so. Their families we're very close and they were very close to getting married. Low and behold the ex moved to the U.S. and he meets up with her to catch up as friends. Well an old flame rekindled during his visitation. He came home and dumped his girlfriend for her. They are now married with 2 beautiful little boys =)

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Hey that's great. You hear many stories of people coming back after either short times, like 6 months, or long times like 2 years.

 

Happy for you and good luck. How long were you guys nc and who broke it first?

 

I think it was about 3-4 months, maybe? Prior to that, I tried to be friends with him and it was just too hard, and I lost a lot of my dignity during that time. NC was definitely beneficial in my scenario. He broke it, asking if I wanted to study together.

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Here's an article about the psychology of rekindled love...talks about the chemical reactions and hormones in the brain when you meet your first love, and how only you first love can give you that feeling. It has something to do with the development of the brain during the years when you usually fall in love for the first time (I guess late teens/early 20s). It's all theory of course, but it's interesting to get a scientific take on first loves and reunited loves.

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My Wife and I started our relationship off in a whirlwind of turmoil and crazy passionate love. We were both very young. After dating 3 months we found out she was pregnent. I stepped up to the plate. We both loved each other dearly. We both weren't perfect. She was very needed and came from a family of neglect. I felt I was going to miss out in life and continued playing music in a band. We fought for years over this. When things were good they were great. When things were bad... They were horrible. So I came to find out about a month ago my wife was having an affair for 3 months. I confronted her. She said she didn't love me and I pushed her away all those years. I acknowledge my mistakes many years ago and have truly changed she just was never able to let go. So she moved out and continued to see the guy she cheated on me with. I did no Contact for about 3 weeks. I started re-building my life cause there wasn't anything to work on. I got a call yesterday from her. She asked to come over. I told her ok. We have 2 kids and she sounded like a wreck. She came over and told me she really did love me it just took me not being there to realize it. She told me she broke everything off with the other guy. So that is where I am at right now..... We talked and we are both going to go to personal counseling. We aren't jumping into anything. I want to give it a month to see if this guy is really out of the picture. But we will really have to start off from square one. DATING.... which is something we never got to do. I am actually kind of looking forward to that. But LOOK i am not expecting a fairytale ending. I am treading this lightly. I have a huge sheild around my heart but I am optimistic. I know we both truly love each other. So here is to the future whatever it holds.

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I've been reading these stories and although it brings me joy, I doubt it would happen to me. We broke up because he finally realize that he wasn't ready for marriage and kids. He says he loves me enough to not string me along. Well, he strung me along for quite some years now. Now, I'm left heart broken, literally in pieces. I emailed him asking him to not call or text me again (as he's been doing randomly). He said he understands and agrees and wishes me the best of luck. SO I guess it's back to square one

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I think the science bit posted by GuDe explains a lot about my relationship with my ex. We dated for 9 years and overcame so many obstacles together - moving halfway accross the country in my crappy car, helping each other build foundations for our careers, living together for 5 years, and building our own family. These things don't just go away over time. Add to that the fact we were together through our late adolescent years and almost all of our 20s, and I think there is a very strong chance we will reconcile.

 

However, I can't put my life on hold. I've taken more ownership of my life than I ever had before - finances, career, hobbies, interests, new people, and other women. It's all coming together rather organically and I'm finally seeing the truly wonderful opportunity that this time in my life is.

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Ok, I have to take this out my chest XD

 

Me and my now ex bf were together in highschool. We were friends for one year (but he said he liked me since the first day we met) and then (after two other friends of ours wanted to date with me) we started as gf and bf. Well, he was toooooo clingy!!! I couldn't take it and like one or two weeks later I broke up with him (I was a kid!!) then we went to a holiday and saw him with this former friend of mine (who actually dated my ex ex... that is why she was my "former friend" ¬¬) and I became jealous and asking him back, he said yes and dated like a month and a half. Then another holiday and we didn't see each other (we were really kids back then...) and I assumed it was over and when we started school again one of our friends ask me if we were together, I said no and that is how he found out... So after that he left school for two years, I finished highschool and went to university and we didn't talk like for, let me see... 3 or 4 years. Then one day out of the blue he sent me a IM request and I accepted. After like two months we started to chat and that went for like a year. Since our HS break up we didn't date anyone else, but later I found out that even though he wanted to get back with me he didn't want to make a move and the one of his friends (who actually is his crazy ex girlfriend who still stalks me!!!) asked him out, and he said he dated her to try to forget about me. So they dated for 5 months (I didn't knew the whole time, and we were in contact by IM) and he couldn't develop feelings for her and broke up. After that we talked more frequently and I wanted to take one year from college to go to England to improve my english. So after that I asked him out to a movie to talk to him to apologize for my behaviour in HS (but I was really a brat!!! ¬¬) and told him my plans of going abroad and all... both of our feelings resurfaced.

 

After that I asked him out again for a coffee to tell him I like him... but in spanish the word we use for "like" is the same we use for "care", and since love is such a strong word I didn't use it and he got confused if I was saying I liked him or cared about him but never asked(aaaaah!!!! Still bugs me that!!!) So he changed the subject and I felt rejected so... after like one week a guy from my work asked me out and I agreed (I was leaving anyway so never mind having a fling back then XD). My now ex found out and sent me an email (really angry) about me and him and the whole like/care issue and me leaving... we talked by IM many times and we acknowledged our feelings for each other and all, but since I was leaving (not to england but to another state to work and have money for the bigger trip... too complicated, right?) we spent the last week in town together (and we even had our "first time", and that day he said for the first time he loved me) and we started our almost 5 year relationship that just finished about 3 months ago (I don't want to keep counting time...)

 

The first months we were LDR and after that a lot of issues with jealousy, crazy ex girlfriends, trust issues, friends problems, project problems... we didn't have a calmly relationship XD until some months ago when we feel out in rut and fights and he left me for someone else...

 

So it did happened to me but don't know if is going to happen again since the circumstances are totally different and the hurting is much more deeper. So, we'll see.

 

BTW I didn't go to England or somewhere else because he couldn't stand the LDR again (our first 4 months) and after the BU it seemed we were in the same place than 5 years before... But now I have learned and next February I'm going to China for 2 years, so it makes any kind of RC hard. It's been a little more than 3 months, he has a new girl, I don't know if they are official or still together but he never contacted me, so they may be finishing the honeymoon period... and since I leave in 5 months I don't know what the chances are for us... Maybe I just met someone else and marry over there XD

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I didn't have any ex came back to me at all. But I read an story on CLEO a few years back. Here it goes.

 

The couple was in their early twenties and together for 2 to 3 years. The relationship was great, but when they both graduated from university, they started to have problems. In the stories, it just stated that they wanted different things in life at that stage and started to fight a lot. In the end, they broke up. It was a mutual break up and didn't have too many details. But in my opinion, even a "mutual" break up, there's always one person who wanna try to solve the problem more than the other. Hence, one is always more hurt than the other. I don't know if there's any begging, pleading during the breakup. But anyway, it was emotional, both were devastated for quite a long time. The guy moved to another state/country for a few year. They did the NC and only heard things about each other from mutual friends. Both moved on and have other relationship. Another 3 or 4 years after, the guy moved back to town. Somehow they met up and started talking again. Not before long, they're back together and by the time the article was published, they're happily engaged. Both of them admitted that if they didn't break up before, they would end up hating each other and the relationship won't make it this far.

 

Hmm, somehow this story left a very deep impact on me. But I wonder the reason why they got back together. Is it because they always have each other in mind/heart, so that it won't work out with other people. Or is it because the relationship with other people didn't work out, so that they wanna go back to each other.

 

Hmm...

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Incredible story. It sounds like you are approaching everything in the right way. Continue to take things slowly and rebuild that foundation. I know it's got to be incredibly difficult, but if you still love her, and as long as she is completely honest with her feelings and intentions, then you can forgive her and move on from here. Maybe this horrible experience can be seen as the wakeup call that will actually improve your relationship over the long run? Good luck to you. I really hope things work out.

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Wow, 114 pages!

 

I've read each and every post in this thread and it's such an uplifting feeling!

As much as the dream of wanting my ex back is just a dream at the moment, reading all these great stories makes me feel like, yes, I can do this!

I can live without him and start fresh.

 

I had a close friend that dated another close friend "officially" for a week. Once it was made official they broke it off.

Pretty sure he broke it off with her even though she said it was mutual.

The lead up to the week together was an "everyone but them" scenario. Everyone basically saw them as a couple anyway.

 

A few months later he wanted to give it another chance but without the label. What went on from there was a 2+ yr "relationship" on and off

 

Not sure if that's a very positive story, but they remained friends long after they decided to break things off and were better for it.

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  • 2 weeks later...

My ex and i have been broken up for nearly 2 years now (we dated for 3 years long distance) and i still have the hope that we will one day get back together (hopefully).

We ocassionally see each other on nights out which most recently (3 months ago now) led to an exchange where she told me that after all this time she still loves me and thinks of me everyday, that no one else compares and im the love of her life. she has dated a lot of people inbetween aswel. this isnt the first time this has happened either.

although she wouldnt take the plunge as to getting back together,she didnt say it was out of the question in the future.she is dating a guy now and said she wants to see how things go with him. so even if its not a reconciliation story for me and her,it may be for her and the guy she is seeing as she was originally dating him when i met her (5 years ago). just shows that anything can happen. though obviously i would prefer it if things didnt work out with those two haha.

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Hey Bigman. It's amazing sometimes how things work, isn't it? You just never know what's around the corner. The things she told you are extremely encouraging, especially if she's said them before. I'm curious though. Have you told her what you want and that you're waiting for her? The way you described it, it almost seems like she knows she has an open door. I'm confused as to why she's hesitating. This isn't meant to depress you or dampen your spirits in any way, I'm just wondering what might be holding her back. Are you involved with someone now too? If so that would make sense. I would just advise that if the two of you DO get back together, that you take it slowly and don't just try to jump in where you left off. I've done that a few times in my past and unfortunately the relationships didn't last. You have to understand what wrecked you guys the first time around so you can avoid those same pitfalls during the second go-around. I really hope this works out for you.

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Hi beenthere. yeah iv been through things with her and she knows exactly how i feel and that she is the only one for me. i personally believe she is hesitating because she still has some bitterness towards me over how i acted in the final stages of our relationship.and she is also a VERY stubborn person and would hate to go back on her decision.as i said,it was long distance while she was studying at university and at that time i spent a lot of time smoking weed (not the best thing to do when youre so far apart and you know theres plenty of temptation for her,shes a very attractive girl) which led to some paranoia on my part.there were also alot of other factors that pulled us apart over the last 6 months,everything seemed to come crashing down all at the same time and i didnt really deal with it well. since the break up though i have completely quit that habit. theres also the fact that i was her first bf and she lost her virginity to me so i can imagine (and fully understand) that she wants to spread her wings and see what else is out there. even though these past two years apart have showed her how hard it is to find love the way we had it, we were literally the perfect couple for the first 2 years.

my plans if we did ever get back together is to do exactly what you suggested and take things right back to the beginning. start dating as we never really got the chance to do that before as when we met we both knew she was leaving and it just started out as a bit of lustful fun which quickly escalated into the most magical relationship i have ever been in. i want to take things step by step and just see where things go. persuading her to do so is the hard part though. especially with the other guy on the scene. not quite sure where things will go between those two though as the reason she stopped dating him the first time around is because she met me and she was crazy about me. heres hoping history repeats itself and i can actually re-post with my success story instead of his.

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you really sound like you have a cool head about this whole thing, though you know that there is a real possibility she won't come back. idk if i'll ever be able to show the same level feelings if my ex has someone else.

 

good luck to you!

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Believe me in the beginning i wasnt this way lol. it took a long time for me to accept things as they were. thing is though that now im not as worried about if she kisses or sleeps with another guy as much as if she is falling in love with someone else. i have slept with girls since we broke up and all it has made me realise is that sex without love is like being hungry and just eating a bag of crisps instead of a full meal, sure it tastes good but your going to be hungry again soon.its not substantial. this has to be her decision to come back so all i can do is let her figure this out for herself.

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i dont really agree with this statement. in my experience its the men who come back far more often as women always seem to have more options. also i find that men are mainly the ones who come "crawling" back with no interaction from the female where as woman need to be won over all over again by the male. probably because men dont move on as well or as quickly as women.

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Alert status- what made you think you were over for good, was the breakup bad? Did he tell you he didn't love you anymore? My ex broke off our relationship and although we had been arguing a bit, we had gone on a romantic holiday and were making plans to move in, then bam, he doesn't love me, it's over. Not sure whether I think there's a chance at all would love to hear more about your story x

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i disagree bigman, I think men move on quicker and easier and women find it harder to find nice guys....but good to know you think men come back more

 

i think men move on quicker if they had no strong feeling there to begin with. men take a lot longer to fall in love than women in my opinion but when they do its much harder for them to forget those feelings. me being a man,i can say thats exactly the case with me.

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i think men move on quicker if they had no strong feeling there to begin with. men take a lot longer to fall in love than women in my opinion but when they do its much harder for them to forget those feelings. me being a man,i can say thats exactly the case with me.

 

I think that statement rings true for mostly everybody, right? If it was healthy, no cheating, etc..I have a guy friend and took him at least a year to move on from his first love and date other people. I also have male friends who would want to go back to their ex's because their current relationship didn't work out or they were going through something after a year or two... Same as reversed. Had a friend cheat on her bf and went back to him multiple times...

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