crazy888 Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 Ok been married happily for 12.5 years without incident. Two weeks ago hubby went out to celebrate st patty's day - next morning I found passenger seat reclined and a condom wrapper in the car. He swears he stopped it before it went anywhere - and realizes he was wrong for having a female in the car at all - Would anyone believe him??? I want to but feel very foolish doing so. He has been very apologetic and loving. Help!!! Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 Wrapper, but no condom. Sounds like it did go farther than that. Ignore believing him right now, do you want to forgive him and work past it? Link to comment
TechResQ Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 Ok been married happily for 12.5 years without incident. Two weeks ago hubby went out to celebrate st patty's day - next morning I found passenger seat reclined and a condom wrapper in the car. He swears he stopped it before it went anywhere - and realizes he was wrong for having a female in the car at all - Would anyone believe him??? I want to but feel very foolish doing so. He has been very apologetic and loving. Help!!! OMG!! Ummm, yeah, I would say it DID go further. Sorry, not trying to be a downer here, but, "If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck...chances are...yeah, it's probably a DUCK" I'm so sorry. You must be very hurt. What exactly did he say happened?? Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 I would not believe him for a second. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 And what does "stopped it before it went too far" mean? What's too far to him? Where did the condom go? IMO, too far is being in the car with her at all Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 or before it went "Anywhere", still why was she in the car? Where's the condom? Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 Even if he didn't actually have intercourse he still cheated. He has betrayed your marriage, trust and has dis-respected you. I was drunk is not an excuse either. It is time like agent says to figure out what you want to do. There are alot of whys to ask. The answers you get will help you decide if he is even worth the effort. I am so sorry he has chosen to ruin so many years of marriage for one selfish act. lost Link to comment
EQD Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 huge red flag. assume it did happen, are you willing to work through it? After infidelity its all about the foundation. Why didnt he tell you about this after it happened? Link to comment
crazy888 Posted March 25, 2009 Author Share Posted March 25, 2009 Funny I agree with all the posts and if anyone came to me with the same story - I would say the exact same thing. I guess I want to forgive him and move on. We have a beautiful family. It's tough, because not only did I see what I saw, but I also think he's lying about it. I've been trying to just go and work on forgiving but my mind plays out what could have (or did) happen all day long. I think Im going nuts. He said this woman asked him for a ride home and he agreed(not that either of them should have been driving) and on the way she was very flirtatious and touchy. He says she took out the condon to "entice" him???? Never heard of that before. Then he said nothing happened and he dropped her off. It does sound pretty ridiculous. This sucks!!! Link to comment
EQD Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 was the condom in the wrapper or not?? Link to comment
crazy888 Posted March 25, 2009 Author Share Posted March 25, 2009 No the wrapper was empty. I guess that says it all Thanks for all the thoughts Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 I don't believe it.....why was the condom wrapper opened if they didn't use it? Link to comment
Mavh25 Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 Why was the chair reclined if thats all that happened, he's lying. Link to comment
EQD Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 marital counselling. you both will need it. Link to comment
TechResQ Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 Yeah, that story just doesn't add up. As I am sure you are aware. Trust your gut feeling. It is trying to tell you that he is not being honest with you. Don't sweep this whole mess under the rug...it will fester and it will get worse because your mind will not rest until you get some truthful answers. I am sure your hubby is shaking in his boots right now for fear of losing his wonderful family. But you should confront him and tell him to give you truthful honest answers. Just my two cents! Link to comment
FarthestEdge Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 If you are willing to move past it, then you have the ability. BUT You can't do that until you figure out what happened, why it happened, why he feels bad about it (b/c he got 'caught' or because he genuinely knows he was a jerk), if you can be certain this is a 'one-of' and how you are both going to ensure it doesn't happen again. You can't do any of that until you have complete honesty from him. And I agree with the posters that you in all liklihood do not. where is the condom? why is the seat reclined? two questions whose answers are obviously in conflict with the story he gave you. To be fair, once the condom was out of the wrapper, you don't know if it was actually used, or even put on, it would have been discarded regardless. But why was the wrapper even torn open? IMO that in and of itself shows intent, regardless of the outcome. He needs to own that and figure out how it even got that far.... IMO, I'd tell him that you two have a serious problem, that whatever happened, your wish is to move past it as quickly as possible, but that you need complete honesty to start that process. Then ask him those questions, calmly and rationally. Don't give him time to contemplate and come up with a reasonable story. The truth doesn't take time to come up with. Good luck to you! Link to comment
dangletsbang Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 I'm so sorry, you must feel betrayed in every way. I know what you're going through though. It just doesn't add up, what he's telling you. It doesn't look good. I would suggest counseling as well. It will definitely make things easier if you're choosing to forgive and move on. Link to comment
Binoo Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 I would be upset with the fact that she was even in his car to begin with. And with the seat pushed back!? Link to comment
25thfloor Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 Ok been married happily for 12.5 years without incident. Two weeks ago hubby went out to celebrate st patty's day - next morning I found passenger seat reclined and a condom wrapper in the car. He swears he stopped it before it went anywhere - and realizes he was wrong for having a female in the car at all - Would anyone believe him??? I want to but feel very foolish doing so. He has been very apologetic and loving. Help!!! Sounds like he wanted to get caught. what does he say about the marriage...why did he seek out another woman and why was he so careless? Link to comment
JourneyRoade Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 He cheated on you already by letting it get that far! Omg, I can't even imagine myself getting that far with another man and then have the audacity to not call it cheating! If you can forgive and move on, then more power to you. But, his probable lies are insult on top of injury. This is maybe even a worse betrayal than the cheating. Think about it. If what he says is true, why didn't the woman stick the unused condom back in the wrapper? Did she put a slimy, spermicidy condom straight into her purse? I don't think so. I mean, think about it. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted March 26, 2009 Share Posted March 26, 2009 I think it went further than that. I am wondering why he was so sloppy about not clearing away the evidence for one, and I am also wondering why it hangs on whether or not he actually had sex with her. Whether he did or not, isn't it enough that he had this woman in this car in the first place and did god knows what else. Sex or not, the intent was there. Link to comment
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