brokenm Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 Today I don’t recognize myself from the woman I was when I first posted here in February, and it’s thanks to everyone on this site and “Depression Fallout” who helped me through it, along with my close friends here at home. But, I discovered something really important and vital, and I’m not sure if this advice is for everyone. Everyone told me (and everything I read said) to let time heal my wounds. Well, I was in such a bad state of mind that I finally realized I could not afford to wait for time to heal my wounds. I was having suicidal thoughts, crying all day long, not eating or sleeping, and just feeling completely lost and hopeless. I realized just a couple of weeks ago that I was literally going to die if I didn’t pull myself out of that darkness immediately. This was almost impossible to do, but I totally rearranged my life and basically did the opposite of everything that I felt like doing. I made myself get up and work out, forced myself to eat even when it made me gag, and forced myself into social situations even though I had a few serious panic attacks at the thought of being out socially. And I forced myself to go out on dates with men, basically ANY men who asked me out. This was a key thing, because my self esteem was completely destroyed when my ex broke up with me. I never ever wanted another man to touch me again. But I needed it. And I started dating men who WANTED to be with me. Being with people who really wanted to be with me made me look at my ex and think “Why am I killing myself over someone who threw me away like I am a piece of trash???” Yes, these other men don’t make me laugh like he did, don’t make me think about life or all of the wonderful things about my ex that made me love him. But these new men made me look at myself again and remember that I’m not the problem, my ex was the problem. I met a really great guy last week, he’s not someone I could ever fall in love with, but he makes me feel happy just to be me. And I’m finally, finally gradually starting to heal. I look good from losing a bit of weight and getting very healthy with my eating, and my mind is now able to focus and see more clearly. But if I had not opened my mind up to spending time with people and other men, I hate to think where I’d be right now. So that’s my advice... if you really feel yourself sinking, you must pull yourself up out of it no matter how impossible it seems or how undesirable. Yes, time helps and heals, but don’t wait... you’ve got to help yourself heal. Let yourself feel the pain, but force yourself to feel other things as well. Good luck and love to all of you who are feeling lost and hopeless. Link to comment
Katie1607308012 Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 good advice, glad everything is starting to come together for you again *hugs* Link to comment
Fionnuala Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 I'm so glad you're starting to feel better! And you're right, time can only help so much, a lot of times we need to take action to jumpstart our healing. I'm really impressed with how strong you are and how able you have been to do this. It's a process, but it seems like you're heading in the right direction, and things can only get better from here! Link to comment
canali Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 time heals all wounds is a myth: for many it is just adding a jaded perspective ...to heal you have to be proactive, take time out, and redirect your mind into more positive activities...while nothing wrong with grieving many can overdo it and lose perspective big time... Link to comment
Qut81 Posted March 26, 2009 Share Posted March 26, 2009 Good for you! That is really great. Gives me hope.... Link to comment
brokenm Posted March 28, 2009 Author Share Posted March 28, 2009 I'm so glad you're starting to feel better! And you're right, time can only help so much, a lot of times we need to take action to jumpstart our healing. I'm really impressed with how strong you are and how able you have been to do this. It's a process, but it seems like you're heading in the right direction, and things can only get better from here! Thanks, Fionnuala, you helped me so much! I learned a lot of painful things about myself from this experience, and I know I have a long way to go. One thing I learned is that my self-esteem has always been way too low (because of emotional abuse by my parents when I was a child) and I rely way too much on others to feel validated. So when my ex broke up with me my self esteem was totally destroyed and I had to face a lot of issues that I'd never resolved from childhood. I realized no one was going to come along to rescue me, that I had to pull myself out of the terrible situation and state of mind that I was in. There's nothing harder than this, I'm still struggling but yes finally moving in the right direction. Link to comment
brokenm Posted March 28, 2009 Author Share Posted March 28, 2009 good advice, glad everything is starting to come together for you again *hugs* Thank you so much! xox Link to comment
brokenm Posted March 28, 2009 Author Share Posted March 28, 2009 time heals all wounds is a myth: for many it is just adding a jaded perspective ...to heal you have to be proactive, take time out, and redirect your mind into more positive activities...while nothing wrong with grieving many can overdo it and lose perspective big time... Yes, time doesn't really heal... just makes the pain seem further away. But time also gives you a chance to think way too much about your pain, and, like you said, lose perspective. Link to comment
brokenm Posted March 28, 2009 Author Share Posted March 28, 2009 Good for you! That is really great. Gives me hope.... Glad to hear it gives you hope! We really need to be the hero of our own lives, I guess... no one else is coming to "rescue" us. Stand tall, take a step in one direction and just keep walking. Link to comment
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