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Sex with Ex. Complete mistake?


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Has anyone ever had an ex they were still in love with (and he is still in love with me too ), but then because we were too scared to try to make things work again (because the likeliness is low), just got physical instead , trying to make things 'fun' instead of serious. ?

 

We started talking a couple of months ago and he said he missed the relationship etc. (we went out for 2 years) and since january we were texting each other again, as friends, every day etc. Then before figuring anything out we just got physical had sex a few days ago. we said it would be a fun thing to do because we both wanted each other. In the build up to it he was acting CRAZY about me. But afterwards he said he felt weird about it , what 'what was he thinking' when we werent in a relationship, and that 'he's not that kinda guy who can just do it for fun, that it always has to mean something'.

 

Then he turned the tables on me and said that i shouldnt have made it seem like i just wanted it for fun when clearly i 'wanted something more out of it and was hoping for things to work out'. He was all agitated. Anyway it got a bit messy, he was really cold and stilted with me afterwards, i was depressed for like 2 days, but then realised i should just get over it that its not a big deal. I texted him on monday night saying 'I appreciate that we talked about it because i was really confused so thanks for listening. x' He replied just this morning saying, 'Its no problem, the least i could do after all the nice things youv done for me. hope ur work is going well. x'

 

I dont know what to make of it all. I know deep down he still loves me, i know him well enough to know. I feel so angry at myself for jumping into bed with him because i feel like i just destroyed the mental connection we have ALWAYS had and turned it into a physical one. And now hes so withdrawn from me. The friendship thing we had going on completely disappeared. What should I do

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I'm trying to chill out ..but he suddenly seems distant towards me now..hence why i feel like it was a bad move. I really want things to go back to the way they were. when our mental connection meant something. but this event has over shadowed everything.

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Sex will do that. Hey at least he didn't cry in the morning right. Often the shoe is on the other foot and it's the woman being distant.

 

Why not just act unaffected? Ignore his distancing and be yourself, like it was nothing. Keep being friendly, etc... What do you think?

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thanks a lot for ur advice

 

But why would sex do that ?

 

And yeah i guess so im trying my best but its hard when someones really cold and youre really friendly... i posted a really extensive thread about this before, but i saw him at a nightclub later and he acted as though nothing even happened between us saying 'Hey, whats new?' I wanted to be like 'ahh not much since a few hours ago when we were naked in my living room

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Sex is an intimate thing. You expose yourself (phyical and emotional) during sex. It can be profound. One persons casual romp is anothers profound connection. Just never know. Treat him as you wish to be treated and I think everything will work out.

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Thanks

 

Thats one thing that was puzzling to me. Sex is so intimate. I felt so close to him suddenly everything was so intimate.

 

It was BIZARRE to me that afterwards he was CLOSED off and would barely share anything. I kept saying to him 'We just got so close, and now youre suddenly so distant. Don't you find that weird?' And he replied 'Well in the club you can only dance, its nothing personal'. But its not even that- its his tone, everything, it all changed. Our upbeat, warm tones went down the drain. Why??? Was it a test that i didnt pass?? Did it not feel good?? I'm SO confused. And he's so drawn away, even if I asked him these things, he wouldn't give a straight answer.

 

I'm just going to back off for a while so that this 'scenario' passes and try out the friendship again...uhh... back to square one

 

 

Also-- when i was asking why he sensed dishonesty in me for him to get so agitated, and he said 'i had a feel always that you were hoping things would work out again.'

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STOP. Stop analyzing his every action his every word. Remember try to be unaffected go with the flow.

 

People have defense mechanisms that test one another much of the time this is a subconscious act. Again, women tend to be the master of these so called “games”. There’s a lot of emotions flying between you two. Each of you is jockeying for position. Chill out. Drop the questions. Smile. Say hello. Quit nagging. You got laid, be happy. And yes, it meant something to BOTH of you.

 

Now take a valium and relax.

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Lol ok...im not sure if i shd reply to his text... i mean what he said seemed like a closing note, right?

 

i hope he doesn't think i did nice things for him in these past couple of months just so that i could claw my way back into a relationship. should i text back saying 'dont mention it, i only did nice things because i care! work is going fine thanks x' . Or should I just leave it ?

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AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Ok I did exactly as you said. I chilled out. Everything was cool . His last text was an 'hope you've started ur courseworks etc. take care x'

I didnt reply.

Though to myself- ok , everything that happened is obviously not a BIG DEAL to him. I'll get on with some work. I'll CHILL.

 

couple of days later. Ie. Last night, at 2am. Ex updates his facebook status saying:

' where is my baby ? '

 

Ok let me if you some background info. my ex barely EVER has facebook activity. it is VERY rare. Secondly, I'm not actually ON his facebook- i check it sometimes out of curiosity through my friend's account. 8 months ago he knew i did this, and i knew that he checked mine through his brother's account. but i dont know if he still thinks i check.

 

Right. So I freaked out. Who is his baby? is he intending for me to see this message? is it about someone else? is he trying to be sweet and make it about me? did he see something annoying on my facebook, and thus doing this in order to spite me? Why could he possibly have written 'where is my baby' with a sad face. My God, I can't can't can't get this off my mind.

 

A couple of days ago he said what happened between us is 'not a big deal', that 'he's not thinking about it so neither should i'. So what the hell is going on?

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You're stressing again and reading into his every action and word. What’s with the Facebook stalking… silly girl.

 

As a man trust me he’s missing you in some capacity. We’re human too although admittedly we often don’t act like it. Sit back and relax. You didn’t see this Facebook entry and quit stalking because it’s making you even more obsessive.

 

On one of the texts from him hit him back with a simple, “Give me a call sometime we’ll talk.” Don’t respond to his questions let him call you. The go through what we talked about. Feel him out and find out his intentions.

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