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I'm 18, he's 24. Advice, please?


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Hi, I'm new here and just signed up because I'm under some serious stress lately.

I'm 18 years old, a senior in high school, and I've been dating this guy who's 24 (25 in about a month and a half) for about 6 or 7 months now. I met him when we were both working at the same restaurant. We just started talking, and one thing led to another.

Obviously, I'm still living with my parents until I go to school in the fall, and I have absolutely no idea how to tell them, or if I should tell them, or when I should tell them. My relationship with my parents has always been pretty good. I don't tell them every detail of my life, but they know who I hang out with, and they've always met and known the guys I've dated. My initial idea was to wait until after I graduated, because hopefully then they'd have the idea that I was about to be on my own anyway, so they couldn't really stop me. But now it's just been nagging at me lately.


The thing is, I do love him. And he loves me. I know I sound like a typical stupid teenage girl, but we love each other. I know the first thing that comes to mind is that he just wants me for sex, but that's not true. He's never pushed me to do anything sexually, he's told me whenever I'm ready, it'll happen and he wants it to be special for me (I'm a virgin), etc. Even recently, I told him I'd been looking at getting birth control and although I felt a bit uneasy about going that far behind my parents' back, I did want to do it. He told me he wanted to wait until he met and had a relationship with my parents, so when they did find out, he could honestly look my dad in the face and say we hadn't slept together (which I know will be their first question).


I just don't know what to do. I need to tell them eventually obviously, but when? And how? I'm stuck and stressed and it sucks.

Please any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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I know exactly how you feel! I'm 18 and my boyfriend is almost 23 (so pretty close to your situation) and it took me forever to even hint at the fact that we were dating to my parents. Now that I think of it, I'm not sure I even told them but they are not idiots so when I was constantly hanging out with him, etc I think they finally but two and two together and figured we were more than just friends.


It sounds like you've got a good guy on your hands (one that does not push for sex is a keeper in my books) so if you know he is a good guy then you shouldn't have a problem introducing him to you're parents.


Are you just worried about what your parents will think of the the age difference?

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It sounds like you have both a good relationship with your parents and this guy. I'd say just get up your nerve and let them know you are dating him, and that you are concerned how they feel about the age difference. Maybe emphasize his maturity and the fact that he's not pushing you to do anything you aren't ready for? You could tell them that his respect for you is a selling point over guys closer in age to you who are only interested in one thing.

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The thing is they don't even really know how much I hang out with him. They know I've gone to sporting events with him like twice, but other than that nothing at all really, I just come up with other excuses of where I'm going. And my fear is that because of the age difference, they'll flip out and try to prevent me from seeing him.

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Ok well my advice (and some will probably disagree with this) is don't tell your parents just yet. Continue to hang out with him but don't make up excuses of where you're going. Just tell them, "hey I'm going to the movies/dinner/sporting event with [his name]"


Two things will likely happen:

A) they are fine with it and figure that something is going on between you guys and will ask to meet him, just like how they like to know all of your other friends you hang out with (guys and girls)

B) they aren't ok with it which opens the door for you to explain to them that he is a great guy and that if they are still weary about him they are more than welcome to meet him.


Maybe meeting him will put their minds at ease. That's pretty much what happened with me and my boyfriend. After my parents met him, they realized he was a good guy and had no problem with me hanging out with him. Plus it will also give your bf a chance to "prove" himself to your parents and earn their trust.

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I was in a similar situation about 4 months ago. I started dating my boyfriend, who is 35, and I am 24 and didn't know how to tell my parents. Eventually I decided that I know that they love me, and they want me to be happy. If being with this man is what makes you happy, then they will either see that right off the bat, or they will have to learn to see it in time. About three weeks after I told my parents that I was dating my boyfriend, I broke the news to them that I was moving twelve hours away to live with him. That was a shock to them! They asked questions and I answered them, and told them, I know this is hard for you to accept, but he's what makes me happy. I want to do this. I understand that you don't agree with it, and it makes you angry, but he's what makes me happy, and I know that you can't see that right now, but I hope that some day you can see it and accept it."


These people are your parents. They have loved you since before you were even born. The love that they have for you is unconditional. They may not agree with your choice, but they will stand by you, because that's what parents do.

My best suggestion is that you explain to them how you met, and where things went from there. Tell them about the meaningful conversations that you have, how and why you enjoy spending time with him. If you're in love with this man as much as you say you are, they will see it written on your face when you are speaking about him, and when you are around him with them in the same room.


I know that it's not easy to tell your parents something that you think may disappoint them, but just remember that they're your parents and their reaction may surprise you!


Good Luck!

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