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Regrets?


imjustagirl
Stop Breakup Regrets - Now!
Stop Breakup Regrets - Now!

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Anyone ever regreat breaking up with their bf or gf? I'm on the fence about breaking up with my man. Pretty much all of my friends and my family think that I can do better, but what IS better? What does that even mean? He emotionally satisfies me but lately there are things that drive me up the wall about him and it's getting hard to deal with and I know it's not going to change. He is who he is and I need to either accept it or move on. It's just soooo hard for me. He is head over heels for me, already knows I am unhappy and is trying to do whatever it takes to keep me. I just don't think it's going to be enough. I don't know what to do, things weren't supposed to go this way for us. Things that bugged me about him when we first got together are STILL there. I have to realize he is not going to change enough for me to be happy. This is so hard. We live together and I would have to move out and I don't want to.

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The way I look at that dilemma is like this: When spending a large amount of time with someone, you're going to notice their flaws. It's bound to happen. It's up to you whether you can deal with them or not. Some people are more forgiving than others; some lower their standards; others just let go and move on.

 

The one thing you should always strive for is to live life with no regrets, and definitely no "What-if's". I have enough of those to make anyone's head spin... and I'm only 21. If you feel he's worth your time and the patience, then give him a chance. If not, concentrate on you for a while, and determine exactly what you DO have the patience for, then seek that in a person.

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I'm taking a break from mine for the very reason that I want to make sure I don't make the wrong decision by breaking up or by staying. But I'm 5 years into this and have a lot more for a basis of judgement. Ignore the family, focus on your relationship and trust your gut. Not a great answer, but the best way I've found to know what to do. My gut is rarely wrong, although it doesn't always signal me early enough to not make a mistake.

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my gut can't make up it's mind. there's a gut feeling in either direction.

 

you mentioned that you don't feel he's ever going to change. i guess it depends on what you're talking about. does he know what bothers you about him? i mean...does he REALLY know? there are a lot of superficial qualities that are definitely WORTH living with as far as i'm concerned. we all have our quirks.

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I'm taking a break from mine for the very reason that I want to make sure I don't make the wrong decision by breaking up or by staying. But I'm 5 years into this and have a lot more for a basis of judgement. Ignore the family, focus on your relationship and trust your gut. Not a great answer, but the best way I've found to know what to do. My gut is rarely wrong, although it doesn't always signal me early enough to not make a mistake.

 

how do you define 'break'?

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My gut cant make up it's mind either. I am having such a huge problem figuring out what I should do. I WISH I could just go with my gut but I don't know what it wants or what it's telling me!

He does know what bothers me about him and he's trying to do something about it. But I just don't know if that is going to do any good or if I'm just not into him as much as I was. When I got into this relationship I was looking for something, now it's 2 years later and Im looking for something else. I feel like I've grown and he hasn't. He's the same guy he was 2 years ago and I cant make him grow up or become someone else. I am so stuck here because I love him so much.

Cotuner how did your guy take it when you said you want a break? Were you living together and did you move out?

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Have you ever sat down and had a serious conversation with him about the issues you’re talking about? Seriously? My GF says she tells me things all the time and that I don't listen to her. I'm like what the heck... She tends to throw little blurbs of information in other conversations and I’m suppose to comprehend this… I don’t she gets mad.

 

My point is you have to sit down and specifically tell him about the things that are bothering you. Men don't read minds. We, OK maybe just me, often do not understand communication passed in bits within other conversations. Get a crayon out and draw a picture, write it in words, make a video, use hooked on phonics, hand signals, colored lights, whatever...

 

If you really love this guy you will make sure you did everything you could to be sure that he understands there are behaviors you can not tolerate. Then... if things don't change you can either choose to accept it or walk away. If you walk away you will walk away knowing that you did everything in your control to address the issues. You’ll still hurt but you won’t second guess yourself.

 

Wish you luck... please let me know how it goes.

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Reading your two posts is crazy because i am going through the EXACT same thing. Even to the point where i have been with him 2 years and was living with him. Only difference is that i broke it off a week ago.

Did i make the right decision? I dont know. My family kept telling me the same as yours, but no one knows what it is like when its just me and him and we are happy. My boyfriend would keep upsetting me with these little comments he would constantly make that were disciplinary about the dumbest things. He did this from the beginning and i would always tell him that it really upsets me, and he knows this, but he would still do it. Then he'd see my face and realize and say sorry i love you. But these stupid petty comments get to me and i just cant imagine hearing them for the rest of my life.

I'm miserable, he's miserable. All i can think about is being with him. I guess time will show. i wish you the best.

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wow...this feels like a window into my ex's head. what a harsh feeling. i'm not sure i can help you...but you're helping me.

 

i can't say what your guy's thinking...but i always felt like i was moving forward with my relationship. i can understand that it might not always have been tangible...but i know it was there. i'm a guy...and as such...i'm pretty confident in saying that guys are slow sometimes when it comes to really moving forward. it might not seem like we're on the same page...but we are!!! well...i was anyway. look where it got me. six years and a big kick in the pants. painful lessons. i've learned that when you love someone...you need to be willing to make little adjustments for that person. sounds obvious...but i know i've forgotten that fact a few times in my past. i know i'd have wanted my ex to have seen things from my perspective. might have made all the difference.

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I've decided I'm going to move out of my bf's place and live on my own with my brother for awhile. I need space so bad.. living in a one room place can take it's toll on a relationship and I need to be able to do my own thing and clear my head. We aren't breaking up for now, just going to be living seperately. I think this will be a wake up call to him in that I'm serious that I need him to grow up and that I will move on if he doesn't get his act together. He's not happy about it but he says whatever makes me happy I should do. I totally don't want this, but I'm hoping this will help him figure things out too.

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I've decided I'm going to move out of my bf's place and live on my own with my brother for awhile. I need space so bad.. living in a one room place can take it's toll on a relationship and I need to be able to do my own thing and clear my head. We aren't breaking up for now, just going to be living seperately. I think this will be a wake up call to him in that I'm serious that I need him to grow up and that I will move on if he doesn't get his act together. He's not happy about it but he says whatever makes me happy I should do. I totally don't want this, but I'm hoping this will help him figure things out too.

 

sounds like a good decision. good for you for taking the initiative. drastic measures suck...but sometimes they're the only way.

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Thanks alot for your reply 90 hour sleep. I am wondering if this is going to be the right thing. I'm just not happy and living in this tiny little place with him is driving me nuts. And we have looked for other places to move but he just has no money, and I don't know WHEN he will get another job so now that my brother is looking for a place, this is pretty much a great opportunity for me to move. I'm kind of excited but really sad too I hope things work out I really do.. but in a way this is also preparing me for having to break it off with him if things don't get better.

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yeah i feel like i regret it all the time. but you know what, things happen for a reason. oh and because also i have an old chinese saying tatted on my chest right on top of my heart saying "dont regret anything in your lifetime". i got it after the first serious breakup with my ex.. now this time its officially like the 4th or 5th serious breakup.. i firmly believe it is a mans job to provide. and if hes living in a tiny place in a serious relationship and things arent working out, then you should consider the fact that he isnt thinking enough of you (he might be taking you for granted or just isnt ambitious enough) whatever the reason may be, you have your whole life to find someone else but you only have such a limited amount of time to work on yourself (career path, bad habits, etc). but then again, there are those "movie instances" where there is that person you cant live without and would be banging your head on the wall for the rest of your life... whatever your choice is, keep your head up and i wish you the best of luck

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