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NC knowing no chance or contact that provides some hope


rebelfac

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I have mentioned my story here. ( Wife of 12 years) moved her and my daughter in with new boyfriend that is filling the void in terms of needs that i created. ( Affection being the biggest ) She is in to him because he showers her with affection, makes her laugh and provides a better lifestyle than I can for now. She was a very good wife and he is extremely lucky like I was. She definitely will miss our conversations if I end our friendship and loves to instant message me from her work. I don't like being friends on her limited terms ( aka his terms) I am getting over her but am jealous that he is bonding with my daughter as he picks her up from school. ( I am 4.5 hours away now)

 

 

The question is that if I don't think NC would work to get her back and most of my pain is behind me, wouldn't being in her life increase my odds of one day getting her back. Even if they are at most 20%. She wants me to date other people and be happy. Perhaps I won't want her back and everyone is saying that I just need to find someone else. ( it's been 5 months since she left )

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I don't think so. I think keeping in contact with her will help her get over you. She will never know what it is like to have you out of her life completely if you are still around. I think NC is your best bet, not just to get her back but to move on. He may shower her with affection now but I am sure that will wear off over time.

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The only way for someone to miss you, is to stay completely out of their life. I understand your need to be in contact with your daughter, but I would limit it to just that, with no mention of what's going on in your life.

 

There is still no guarantee that she'll want you back, but you'll still be left with your self-respect, and the ability to move forward.

 

All the best...

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Stay out of her life, start getting involved in your daughters life as much as you can. Start being the best dad possible, and Keep NC towards the wife. I wouldnt even talk into detail when it comes to your daughter because I know that leads to other subjects.

 

I have a son with a woman, (not married) but together for 6yrs, same thing happened to me, she left me for a guy that showers her with affection, makes her smile, makes her feel good bout her self. Gives her everything I wasent doing very well. I still love her, and I Hate that all this is going on, but the only thing I can do now is get rights to my son, and start being the best father I can to him, before I begin to get replaced. I honestly dont think my situation will last long (althought the damage is done, there is no chance for us), yours probaly wont either. The type of guy that steals a vulnerable women from another man (especially a married one) is not the type to commit to anything long term and will eventually get tired of her. A good guy respects others relationships and doesn intrude into them, no matter what situation. If had plenty of friends gf's take interest in me, however I never acted on it, and alwase gave them the cold shoulder.

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Thanks for the feedback everyone - the logical side of her has been replaced by pure emotions and feelings. She seems like she is under a spell. i learned that affection to a woman is so incredibly important. Of course you can't cross the line or you will be viewed as weak. Although i had a great marriage i definitely am through with that idea. Time to be the confident guy I was when we first met. That always seemed to work for me and when I lost it she must have lossed the attraction even though I lossed 23 pounds and look as good as I did 10 years ago.

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