Fizzling Out? Long but intruiging

[AnotherDude]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for only one month, however, we dated 7 months prior. We broke up due to inescapable circumstances and now were back together. She lives 1.5 hours away and I can usually make time to see her. Everything was wonderful for the first 3 weeks or so. Then I went on a cruise for a week and of course lost cell phone service. When I finally got in touch with her, she told me she got kicked out from her parents house because they found out about us(shes 18 and they didnt want her having a boyfriend so they have a right).

 

Anyways, ever since then shes been living with roomies and working 32-40 hours per week. Her roommates seem like a bad influence, partying a lot and all that. She says shes "too busy" to put the effort that she used to into our relationship(which was really really a lot). But now its gone too far the other way. It feels like so much has changed for so little reasons. I know she is committed to me, she told me she has shot down any guy who has hit on her(yes hitting on her is most definitely an issue, shes damn good looking). But basically she said she needed a break, and I screwed up by txting her and acting like I needed to talk to her. That was a mistake, I know. Now I've just gotten to the point of being sick of her not making time for me and just partying instead. I confront her about coming to see her, and she just beats around the bush.

 

Bottom line...is she losing interest or does she just want to enjoy her life? Is it that shes afraid of me holding her back and raining on her "fun parade"? Do I have a right to accuse her of having messed up priorities? Should I break up with her or keep trying to make it work? We definitely have the potential to have an amazing relationship, its just that potential is buried under stress and frustration on my part and hers.

[girl68]

Both.

 

She wants to enjoy her life.. and what she means by that is she wants to enjoy her single, party girl life. And as a result she's taken the opprotunity to enjoy male attention. LD is probably to hard for her, she doesn't want to make the effort anymore. Take it for face value. If she comes back make her earn it otherwise... don't hold your breath.

[sm0kez]

Sounds like you guys have a wedge between you what with living circumstances and distance. If that's a long-term thing then this is going to be draining for at least one of you. It's an early relationship, and it went bad before, so I think you should perhaps establish why that was.

 

I think if you're putting in 100% effort and she's only putting in like 50%, obviously this isn't going to work in your favour because the balance isn't right. It can be offputting for people if you're all about them while they're showing you little reciprocation. =/ She should want to spend time with you though, else your releationship ideals aren't compatible and one of you needs to adjust. That or it's a sign she's not good with long distance.

 

There's a chance she's having to get along with her roomies because they're sort of her substitute family. Her real family don't sound so nice to be honest, which could be why she's so into the lifestyle with them. Think of it as survival, or wanting to fit in? Eh. Actually, avoid psychoanalysis, it can rub people the wrong way, especially if yer wrong.

 

I'm not sure about losing interest, only she knows the answer to that, but you definitely won't help matters if you chase someone who's showing lack of effort or understanding. Better to get on with things and hope she begins worrying that she'll lose you and thus gets in contact, because that's often what tests people's feelings, or so I believe. Still testing that theory, though.

 

So basically: Don't chase. Treat relationships like a dance and match each other's pace or someone's likely to get hurt.

[AnotherDude]

You just made a lot of sense to me. More than anyone has so far. Her life has always been really bad. She has always lacked a family. She was born to a 16 year old mother who was addicted to drugs. She has had to take care of herself most her her life, with her "parents" finally adopting her. I definitely believe she is trying to fit in with her new "family" because I remember she sounded so strange when she told me her new friend "adopted" her. Thats what she said about the 28 year old woman she lives with. So obviously she needs a good mother figure..but this woman is not at all. She just lets her party it up.

 

The reason it went bad before was because we were never supposed to be together in the first place. Her parents and her school(boarding school) were not OK with her having any boyfriend, regardless of who it is. So basically we lost touch for a long time, until she turned 18.

 

I am trying to put as little effort forth as possible now, so I just wait like 3 days to txt or call her and usually she hits me up at some point. This time is different though..I think shes mad because I've been giving her a hard time lately.

 

Oh well...thanks for your advice. It will all work itself out and we will either stay together or split up. More than likely the latter.