Dating again after a LTR but scared...

[jennamajig]

Hi folks:

 

It's been a while since I posted on this section of ENA, which means a lot in terms of my healing. In short, I was living with my ex (we were together just over 2 years) when we got in a fight and he just ended it. I struggled a lot, but almost 6 months later, I've picked myself up again and am getting back to me again. I've even started therapy and it has been helping.

 

So, I go out there and join a couple of free dating sites because I needed to expand beyond my circle. Went out on a few dates with one guy, but no physical attraction on my side, which oddly was a relief to me! Like I had an excuse to back away. Today I chatted up a fellow that I seem to have a bunch in common with - we became friends on facebook and small world, he lives down the block from me. He's invited me out for a drink tonight, and I want to go, but I find myself scared!

 

The question is, why? Why am I scared? Is it because if I meet someone I am finally letting go of my ex? My ex and I will never be and I'm so far in NC, I lost count. I'm dealing with rejection issues in therapy, and I wonder if they are present here. I would love to find that "one" person, but at the same time I thought I had, bared it all, was myself, and was rejected badly. I wonder if being closed off and alone is easier than being hurt.

 

Does any of this make sense? I'm happier than I have been in months with myself, but I can't shake this fear sometimes. I have hope that eventually it will disappear, that love is a gamble that can pay off. Anyone else experience this?

[InRecovery]

Its understandable to have these feelings ... its good in a way. You want to open up, potentially to this guy, but are scared of rejection. Thats natural. You're bound to face this feeling eventually ... that you're at a position where you can do it now is a good sign.

 

Its easy to be closed off and alone ... but realistically you know you're missing out on so much.

 

It will take you longer to trust someone then before but that will ensure you don't end up as hurt in the long term.

 

Good luck

[opalinef]

i know exactly how you feel. i'm about 7 months from my breakup and there was, like your experience, a deep hurt from rejection. i've gone on two dates so far with different people and none of them have prompted me to make another date and i, too, just felt relief.

 

i get the sense that i've grown so comfortable with being heartbroken that now that it is beginning to fade a little i'm afraid of what comes after. and in the back of my mind i'm wondering if that is what is keeping me automatically at a distance from these new people.

 

most days i don't even feel like bothering. yet i still know that isn't the way to go.

 

i can completely relate to what you are going through.