Lonely. Sad. Ready. I don't know.

[hers]

I'm so tired of being alone. I have lots of friends that I see often, I have a job I love, a perfect dog, and I'm always around people. But none of this is taking the place of being single and wanting someone to sleep next to, cuddle up with, send emails or texts throughout the day, to look forward to talking to and seeing.

 

Getting ready for bed at night is the hardest, I find. Asking Leeluu to come get in bed so I don't feel so alone at night. Watching a movie before I go to sleep and being sad if there's even one tiny hint of romance. Having no one to kiss good night (except Leeluu of course). Watching Golden Girls night after night and wishing I had something different.

 

I'm trying to be patient. I know I'll find someone when the time is right. Or he'll find me. Either way, I know I have to be patient and wait till the time is right. It's just hard being so patient when you're so ready.

 

I find myself lying on my bed and staring at the wall, not even really thinking of anything. Or sitting in my car with the engine off and staring at the steering wheel, not really thinking of anything. Getting the urge to cry at random moments, even when I'm surrounded by something that makes me happy.

 

I got sad the other night when M, the guy I have a huge crush on but who has no interest in me (I'm guessing, as I can't read him and we've been hanging out for months and nothng), talked about how a girl from his hometown came down here to visit him for the week and told me what they did and where htey went when she was in town. I also got sad when I was out with him and she'd called and said she'd made it home safely (she'd left ATL that day) and he said "I'll call you when I get home so we can talk!" after they spent a week together. I may be thinking too much but I just thought, man, I wish that was me. They may not even be together and may just be friends, but I felt a pang of hurt that it wasn't me he spent a week with and was excited to talk to when he got home that night.

 

Work keeps me so busy that I'm able to keep myself busy with things to do, and Leeluu breaks the silence in the apartment at night, but it's not really working for me right now. I'm just so ready to settle down and be with someone. I've been praying and praying for someone to love but it hasn't happened yet. I'm trying to be patient. I just don't know how to be fully and how to trust that it'll happen when the time is right.

 

I just needed to get my feelings out.

[SapphireNoir10]

You'll find that person. Your a smart, determined and kind lady from what I've read of your posts. Loneliness does suck after a while I feel for you

[Scorpion Fury]

You know, when you do meet someone and settle down and get married, you might decide you miss being single and the freedom and everything else that comes with it.

 

You're only 26. You have your whole life ahead of you.

 

Try to just enjoy living each day and not think about being single.

[hers]

You know, when you do meet someone and settle down and get married, you might decide you miss being single and the freedom and everything else that comes with it.

 

You're only 26. You have your whole life ahead of you.

 

Try to just enjoy living each day and not think about being single.

 

I know I'm young. I'm not falling into the trap of "I'll NEVER find someone" b/c I don't really believe in nevers. But I've been single since July and this is the longest I've ever been single. It's just hard to adjust to that. I know I may miss bein single one day, but if I ever do, I'll look back on the lonely times and realize that I should be satisfied with what I have (instead of realizing I can never be satisfied, if that makes sense).

[waveseer]

It took me a very long time to learn how to avoid the very state that you're in but finally I did. What did the trick for me was to have enough activities in my life that I enjoyed enough so that loneliness didn't have a fertile place in my mind to roost. Seriously, yoga and meditation, socializing, etc... Fill your life with things you enjoy and then whether the relationship follows or not you'll be happy.

[hers]

It took me a very long time to learn how to avoid the very state that you're in but finally I did. What did the trick for me was to have enough activities in my life that I enjoyed enough so that loneliness didn't have a fertile place in my mind to roost. Seriously, yoga and meditation, socializing, etc... Fill your life with things you enjoy and then whether the relationship follows or not you'll be happy.

 

My life is filled with things, like I said. I go to my meetings about 4 nights a week, my dog is great, I have friends I see often (on Wednesdays I go to a friend's house to watch Lost with a bunch of people, on top of seeing them or others on weekends and such), etc. But it's being alone at night and realizing that no one else is here with me. That's the ahrdest.

[Will D Ness]

Hey HersM,

 

Good therapy to type things out. I know. I'm glad you did.

 

You're not one of those people whose every post is about herself so I know you must be feeling down. I wish I could say something magic to help besides, "you'll get through it" and "someone will come along." Even though those are the truths, they probably don't seem to help you much right now.

 

Does it help that there seems to be a lot of people on here that like you and get frustrated when they can't find the right words to help you feel better? That seems like it might be an honor in itself.

 

Keep putting yourself out there and letting the "real people" see what we see--the vulnerable, giving side. Maybe try shifting your focus for awhile to people who have no way to give anything back--like helping the elderly or working with special olympics or something. While that might sound a bit cheesy I think there are mystical powers of healing in helping others who can't help themselves. It could provide just the short-term boost you need.

 

Just a thought. Either way, we're always here. Keep us posted.

 

All the best.

[waveseer]

My life is filled with things, like I said. I go to my meetings about 4 nights a week, my dog is great, I have friends I see often (on Wednesdays I go to a friend's house to watch Lost with a bunch of people, on top of seeing them or others on weekends and such), etc. But it's being alone at night and realizing that no one else is here with me. That's the ahrdest.

 

I try to be very tired physically, it helps me fall into a deep sleep straight away.

[hers]

Thank you, Will.

 

Typing my feelings out is not really a cry for help, but just for therapy like you said. I don't expect to hear the cliched "You'll get through it" and other things like that, though I know they'll come. I find a little comfort in those, but only a little. I don't need to hear success stories or anything like that, b/c i don't believe in "never" so I'm ok not looking under the "Finding Love and Soulmate" section for encouragement.

 

Work has been so busy and I'm so grateful, but it leaves me little time for myself. I wanted to start volunteering at a no-kill shelter to get out more but I have very little time fo rhtat (I haven't had a day off since Feb 22 so when I get a time to be off, I just want to be off, even if it's just a couple hours). So I havent done that yet, though I still want to.

 

I'm going to NYC in a couple weeks to get away for a little bit, and I'm excited, but my thought now is that I'll feel like I have nothing to come home to (except Leeluu of course). I do'nt know if I'll feel like that in a couple weeks when I go, but today, that's how I feel.

 

I hate getting into these funks I get into. It's lousy.

[hers]

I try to be very tired physically, it helps me fall into a deep sleep straight away.

 

I have sleeping issues, even if I'm exhausted! Most nights I have to take some form of sleeping pill, even if during hte day I'm so tired I can barely keep going. My mind doesn't keep up wiht my body!

[waveseer]

I have sleeping issues, even if I'm exhausted! Most nights I have to take some form of sleeping pill, even if during hte day I'm so tired I can barely keep going. My mind doesn't keep up wiht my body!

 

Are there any physical activities you've always wanted to try?

[hers]

Are there any physical activities you've always wanted to try?

 

I go to the gym frequently and I like working out, but aside from that, I stay active by walking dogs every day and playing outside wiht my dog.

[waveseer]

I go to the gym frequently and I like working out, but aside from that, I stay active by walking dogs every day and playing outside wiht my dog.

 

Do you like swimming? It's very relaxing and it makes me feel good.

[hers]

Do you like swimming? It's very relaxing and it makes me feel good.

 

yes i love it, but i don't have access to a pool or the ocean. my gym doesnt have a pool, i dont live near a pool, and the ocean is 5 hours away (hence wanting to move to FL!)

[waveseer]

yes i love it, but i don't have access to a pool or the ocean. my gym doesnt have a pool, i dont live near a pool, and the ocean is 5 hours away (hence wanting to move to FL!)

 

No community center? YsomethingCA? JCC? I don't blame you for wanting to move closer to warm water, it's a dream of mine as well.

 

I just had a thought, maybe your clients know of a pool (and already have a membership you can use).

[ResonanceTheory]

Well, I sort of see a good side to this. At least you know how to be alone. I have been in LTRs for virtually all of the past 4 years and I really don't know if I could handle being completely alone if I had to be right now.

 

I remember you saying that you didn't like where you were living, so maybe it's not so bad that you haven't found someone just yet--what if you met someone super awesome and then just had to move?

 

I suggest trying to network more and make more friends. I know it's waaay easier said than done. But you seem pretty likable, and doing that kinda gives you the double benefit of taking up your time and meeting new people, which opens you up to more dating possibilities.

[hers]

Well, I sort of see a good side to this. At least you know how to be alone. I have been in LTRs for virtually all of the past 4 years and I really don't know if I could handle being completely alone if I had to be right now.

 

I remember you saying that you didn't like where you were living, so maybe it's not so bad that you haven't found someone just yet--what if you met someone super awesome and then just had to move?

 

I suggest trying to network more and make more friends. I know it's waaay easier said than done. But you seem pretty likable, and doing that kinda gives you the double benefit of taking up your time and meeting new people, which opens you up to more dating possibilities.

 

Yeah, I thought of it to--why am I trying to find someone when I don't even want to stay in this town? It makes no sense. Pretty counterproductive, when I think about it.

 

I have plenty of friends, some I don't even have enough time for! I've met quite a lot of people through my groups of friends here, so it's not a friendship thing. It's just a lack of relationship thing. Sad.

 

As for swimming, R2H, some of my clients have complexes with pools but they're not open yet and some require that you be there with the resident to swim in (I've asked around to some clients, haha)

[Trip McNealy]

Single since July?!?!

 

Jeeze. That's hardly a blip on the radar. Enjoy being single for once.

[hers]

Single since July?!?!

 

Jeeze. That's hardly a blip on the radar. Enjoy being single for once.

 

i was enjoying it. i was purposely single for a while (stopped looking so I could work on some issues I have with myself and other htings). Now I'm ready again. After a while, being single gets boring.

[Jeremiah Johnson]

I don't know, but maybe there really is something about *this* city that creates a roadblock for relationships. I think I made more friends in Austin, TX in a few weeks than I made here in all the years I've been here.

 

You can't force a relationship, but you can get outa Dodge. That's my plan at least.

[Will D Ness]

...

 

I hate getting into these funks I get into. It's lousy.

 

Hear you on that. I was listening to Tony Robbins the other night talking about "emotional muscle." I thought, "that's exactly what I need."

 

I am physically, spiritually, and intellectually tough. But my Achilles heel is emotional distress. I think part of the struggle with it is that the very organ you need to "pull yourself out of it" (the mind) is the one that is itself broken. So we have to either learn to ride it out or reach out to those who have some emotional battery to spare to give us a jumpstart. That, of course, is hard because people like you hate the thought that someone might think you are needy.

 

That's why this is a great place. And it's also why wine was invented!

[hers]

I don't know, but maybe there really is something about *this* city that creates a roadblock for relationships. I think I made more friends in Austin, TX in a few weeks than I made here in all the years I've been here.

 

You can't force a relationship, but you can get outa Dodge. That's my plan at least.

 

I'm closer with my friends back home that I was friends with just 6 months than I am with friends here I've known 3 years. So I know what you mean.

[Chupa Chup]

hey hersmudders

 

thanks for your post - i hear you loud and clearly, because i sometimes feel that way too, esp now. loneliness is like a thief in the night, sometimes it can hit you all of a sudden, out of nowhere and you just feel so tired of being lonely and when you will eventually meet the right person for you.

 

however, its good to know that you're trying to keep busy - that's the best way to "distract" yourself but a great way to do something good for yourself. whether its going out with friends, volunteering at an old age home, spending time with your doggy (i'm a dog lover too!) or just staying at home, you're spending ME time. and when you do meet that special someone, you'll be glad you did have all that time to yourself ...

 

just to share with you - i get that way too. and like today, loneliness can hit you out of nowhere ... and today, i found myself lying in bed, starring at the ceiling and found myself deep in thought about stuff. ie: life, how nice it would be to meet a right person, thinking about the good friends i've got in my life and other stuff. right now, i'm hurting a little on the inside only because the loneliness has hit me pretty badly today but we all go through this - after all, we're only human. but, looking at a bigger perspective, we have much to be thankful for - our family, our good friends, our pets, our jobs that empower us to achieve whatever we want and most of all, our freedom and independence to do anything we want, anytime we want.

 

NOW is the time for us to enjoy this freedom and when the right time comes for us to meet mr. / miss right, we'll be thankful we had that time to think and reflect and to find ourselves.

 

sorry for the rambling but i hope i'm making some sense here .. please take care and know that you're NOT alone my friend ... we're here for you and for each other. =)

 

cheers

CC xx