Is it normal to have this many ups and downs in a relationship?

[Iwantittoend]

I've been with my gf for a little over 3 months. It's the longest relationship I've ever had, so this is new territory for me. All my others only lasted until the honeymoon period was up. Lately we've been spending almost everyday together. I think we've missed maybe one day over the past month and that's because I was sick. Things are either just REALLY great with us, and we connect on a whole new level, or they just REALLY suck and we both sit there in silence and she'll be in a bad mood. I've been staying with her over night this whole week and she's been acting very weird lately. The first night she was overjoyed to have me there, we had sex, talked for hours, and it was all fine and dandy. Then the next day she was quiet, had a short temper, and just seemed annoyed. But then about an hour later she sent me a text saying that she loves and misses me.

 

THis happens quite frequently. It's just either awesome or blah. I'm not used to this and it gets me worried.

 

Any thoughts?

[anggrace]

To be honest, it sounds like it's moving very quickly. Maybe it's just too much too soon.

[pumpkinmoon]

I think you are spending too much time with each other at this stage. It seems like she is getting irritated with you being constantly there.

[Iwantittoend]

I think you are spending too much time with each other at this stage. It seems like she is getting irritated with you being constantly there.

 

I tell her all the time that if she needs alone time, that she can have it. She's never taken me up on it.

 

Maybe she's just worried she'll hurt my feelings?

[hers]

She's been like this from the beginning. It seems nothing has changed. Perhaps you 2 are confusing love w/ strong "like" feelings & like someone else said, it's too much too soon.

[ToodlePip]

I tell her all the time that if she needs alone time, that she can have it. She's never taken me up on it.

 

Maybe she's just worried she'll hurt my feelings?

 

Don't you have anything else to do anyway? Get a life, dude! And yes, maybe she is. Don't offer, you should have other things you want to spend time doing, it all sounds a bit unhealthy tbh.

[pumpkinmoon]

For some reason, I don't think that is the case.

 

I think that the prospect of maybe not spending every day with you doesn't appeal to her. I think that she needs/wants to see you, but when she does, she gets irritated because it is too much. This is when the silly little arguments start. She might not even realise it. It's almost as if seeing you has become a habbit.

 

I do think though that if the relationship continues in this way then it won't work out well. Neither of you will have the space you need and it will just cause problems. Even if neither of you realise it now, there will come a time when one of you will realise it is all too much and will request that space.

 

Not sure if this makes any sense to you, but this is what I think is happening.

[Sweet Venus]

Yeah...spending EVERY day togther and night...at this stage is WAYYYY too much.

Pull back...start doing your own thing...give each other some space.

I would be annoyed too if someone was there every single day this early on.

[ghost69]

smothering her.

[Ms Darcy]

If you want this relationship to work out, to avoid the ups and downs, please listen to what we're saying.

 

Take the initiative to be less available to her. Reduce the number of nights together at least two or three nights a week. Take it slow. It's super easy to spend a ton of time together and rush things when you are excited about someone, but that burns things fast. It's harder to take a step back and get to know the person.

 

The less time you spend, the less likely you are to get on each other's nerves.