1WayTicket2Norway Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 OK, here goes: I just moved to Australia, and i've reached a weird place in my life right now. I decided to re-do my senior year in this country so that i could get accustomed to the culture, get my degree etc. and i promised my self that I wouldn't be in the closet anymore. I was finally going to be an out and proud individual... or so I thought. The people at my new school turned out to be really friendly and eager to get to know me. I was immediately inducted into a group of friends and have been with them since. The group is composed mainly of boys with a few girls. i really felt safe with this group because they reminded me of my friends back home who were really accepting of me. And then it started: the homophobia... There is an openly gay boy in my grade (he's totally not my type by the way) and EVERYONE makes fun of him, tries to avoid him, laughs at his face etc. Even the very few people that claim to be his friends, make fun of him behind his back. Yes, including the people who i thought were so great for accepting me into their group were total homophobes. Every time I look at him (aw, he always looks so sad i see my future flash before my eyes. That is really something i do not want to be or want to experience. On top of that i'm extremely prone to depression considering that i have suffered from it before. (i know what youre thinking: "why the hell are you back at school? So i've noticed that i've been constantly maintaining a straight, masculine persona just to avoid being ridiculed and ostrasized. But the worst of all is that i've come to like the person i'm turning into. People actually like me, girls flirt with me (i find it really flattering)... i feel attractive for the first time in my life and i really like the people that i hang out with despite the fact that they are kinda homophobic. Unfortunately changing your outside doesn't do anything to who you are on the inside. The truth is i'm still gay and i still develop stupid infatuations with the boys i hang out with. Why am i digging this hole for my self???? The excuse i always make is: "your sexuality is no ones business but your own, and there's no need for you to be judged because of it." Is this a good enough excuse for me to be behaving the way i am? Sometimes i just want to shout IM GAY!!! and run away for ever. Now i'm starting to wonder whether i will ever fit into gay society. I mean for crying out loud! i cant even pluck up enough courage to speak to the one gay guy in my school. The content of this post has probably been the hardest thing i've had to admit to myself since the day i realised i was gay. So any advice, comments or even insults (if you feel i deserve it) would be much appreciated. sorry... i sincerely hope my long post didn't bore anyone. Link to comment
IphigeniaSaysHi Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 You do not deserve insults!!!! This is extremely hard, coming out and being comfortable cannot be easy. You're also so young. Just keep working on it- you'll get there sooner than you think. Link to comment
lukeb Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 The reason why everyone is picking on this kid may not be because he is gay but more becasue he made himself an easy target. Lots of kids get picked on who arent gay and lot of openly gay kids do not get picked on. Doesnt sound like you're not comfortable enough in this highschool environment to come out, so don't. Not everything revolves around your sexuality, hang with your friends, have fun. Link to comment
chiefoptimizer Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 no insults from here, but no advice either, sadly... good luck Link to comment
Nina_2009 Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 It seems that your are surviving identity crisis. I would recommend not to think too much about sexual preferences until you will meet someone with whom you would want intimate relationship. Your straight friends are just people there is no harm to hang out with them and enjoy your time together. I agree that people make themselves easy targets for mocking when they are not interesting , they do not have a spirit or strong personality. In my life I used to tell the truth (no matter how unflattering it would be) to people and never was blamed or mocked for it. I would just focus on being honest (not necessarily means to tell everything but just do not lie), supportive, strong, reliable, smart and you will find out that by being so you will gain a freedom to be free and respected. It is not your sexual orientation that defines you but the person you are. Invest in your studies, in your interests, develop your character, and see what happens. There is nothing to worry about. Life will show you the right way to go when you are ready. Link to comment
1WayTicket2Norway Posted March 25, 2009 Author Share Posted March 25, 2009 Yes nina, you are right. I am going through a MAJOR identity crisis. The thing is, i am not any of the things that i am currently pretending to be. I’m not straight, i don't act straight, i am not masculine by any means... its so much more than my sexuality that i am concealing. This makes me feel really unhappy, because i thought that i was at peace with the person that i used to be. Now i just feel ashamed of that person. i wish i had an environment in which i could be comfortable with myself. i just don't know what's worse... being unhappy because i fear what could happen if i revealed my true identity, or being unhappy because i hate the person that i'm turning into... a pretender. it seems that either way i'm going to be unhappy.... PS thanks to all those who posted and offered their thoughts on my situation Link to comment
3makka pakka3 Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 I sooo know what you mean! im exactly the same, ive told my closest friends who i know will still like me the same, and then im coming out slowley, to one person at a time so i can see how they take it. Link to comment
lightdancer Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 I sympathise with your predicament. It's so unfair that you have to make the choice between being subjected to homophobic harassment or living a lie. It's understandable that you might want to hide out in the closet, and enjoy the perks of girls flirting with you, because they think they might have a chance. I see it happen. I don't think it's really reasonable for you to beat yourself up about it too much, because you're only 18, and you're in high school. It really does sound like a bit of a survival thing, more than a choice. If you have the guts to be out in high school, then that's great, and you'll only go from strength to strength, but if you can't, you can't. Just wait until you're in uni. That's what most people do. You probably realise though, that like all lies, the longer you tell them, the harder gets to stop telling them. My advice for you, if you should choose to continue on for some time in the closet, is that you make time to nurture your true self. Don't let your true identity die. If you are having trouble finding other Gay friends in Australia, at least keep in touch with the Gay world through the media, music or books or whatever so that you're at least quietly feeding that side of yourself that knows it's ok to be Gay. As dangerous as it might be to come out right now, I hope that the time you spend with these homophobes does not result in you internalising their homophobic messages. It's one thing to play a game, but it's another thing to allow the game to consume you so that you end up not loving yourself for who you are. You might not be safe to come out now, but once you are, you want to be ready. How sad would it be if you finished high school, got into uni, and found yourself surrounded by lots of super cool gay boys, only to find that you were unable to drop the straight act, and subsequently continued hanging out with the straights, secretly wishing you were able to be yourself like those other boys. Link to comment
Unusual U Posted March 26, 2009 Share Posted March 26, 2009 I used to try and "act straight". Now, I think it's ridiculous, because it makes me unhappy, and I refuse to let myself be in a situation that I am not happy in. Don't hide who you are, don't pretend. But, from what I understand, the circumstances are quite intimidating and it might be a bad idea to "come out". And I assume that moving is out of the question. So, you could try and "reveal" yourself slowly, sticking the thought of you being gay into their head, it'd make coming out easier (possibly). I have NO idea if this helps or not, if it doesn't, I'm sorry. . . . Anyway: GOOD LUCK! Link to comment
Paul Waul Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 I've heard from numerous sources that Australia can be outstandingly homophobic. You don't have to come out, but you don't have to perpetuate the vision of being straight all the time. You can kind of loosen up and just be who you are. Link to comment
In-The-Zone Posted April 2, 2009 Share Posted April 2, 2009 Yeah it's honestly so difficult dealing with people like that and at the end of the day you feel you have to look out for yourself before anyone else, so whatever you feel comfortable doing, and if it makes you feel happier, more accepted etc. then why not?!! As for the gay thing, I think it would be better to lie to them and not to tell them, purely because there is a chance you will be ostracized and you don't want that obviously, who would?! its a terrible feeling and thing to happen to anyone, but when you feel confident enough to admit it to the world, that's when you're supposed to... Have no regrets Link to comment
1WayTicket2Norway Posted April 5, 2009 Author Share Posted April 5, 2009 Thanks for all the really positive posts guys! I have just decided to roll with it and see how it goes. Ive realised that ive been really happy lately, so who cares whether i'm gay or not? And if ppl do happen to find out that i'm gay and don't like it... then screw them! Thanks again for all the posts, and for not insulting me... much appreciated! Link to comment
folie_a_deux Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 wow, u moved to australia? from where? the guy that came out who gets insulted by everyone is just plain unlucky. if u don't want anyone to know that ur gay, then my advice is to not befriend him, cos that will just lead to further deep-end situations. btw, out of ur crew, ur circle of friends, would u describe urself to be the "leader" so to speak, or like .. just in the group? cos if u were the one who leads stuff and organises stuff, im pretty sure u could say stuff to defend the out-of-the-closet dude who gets ridiculed all the time. defend him because we, the gay community need to be treated as equal. and for ur own conscience's sake. btw, australia is very homophobic,... dunno why, but mabes cos the first english settlers/convicts were all homophobes, hehe.. that would be so controversial Link to comment
1WayTicket2Norway Posted April 17, 2009 Author Share Posted April 17, 2009 wow, u moved to australia? from where? the guy that came out who gets insulted by everyone is just plain unlucky. if u don't want anyone to know that ur gay, then my advice is to not befriend him, cos that will just lead to further deep-end situations. btw, out of ur crew, ur circle of friends, would u describe urself to be the "leader" so to speak, or like .. just in the group? cos if u were the one who leads stuff and organises stuff, im pretty sure u could say stuff to defend the out-of-the-closet dude who gets ridiculed all the time. defend him because we, the gay community need to be treated as equal. and for ur own conscience's sake. btw, australia is very homophobic,... dunno why, but mabes cos the first english settlers/convicts were all homophobes, hehe.. that would be so controversial i'm from South Africa lol. and yes i was really dissappointed to find out that aussies were this homophobic, but all cultures are i suppose. well i'm pretty much in the group, and i just keep my oppinion about homosexuality reserved. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.