Lyrisae Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 Hello all...well, as a sort of prelude to this post, feel free to look in my history, or on the front page of this section of eNotAlone, to read my earlier thread I posted about this topic a couple of weeks ago. Sorry, I would just link it, but it's not letting me post URLs for some reason. So, anyway. He had saved to his computer (all in one sitting) over 300 pictures of this one porn girl. I don't mind porn, and we actually watch it together often and are very open with it, but he has nowhere near this many pictures of any other porn girl. Only her. Which upset me, and after bringing up my feelings to him, he deleted all the pictures (which he did without my asking, I told him he didn't have to) and promised me that he wouldn't look that girl up again. I believed him, because thus far we have had a very honest and open relationship with one another. However, sure enough, I noticed that he had a newly-saved video of the girl buried within his video section on his computer. I wouldn't have even found it if I hadn't been looking for a video he took of us together with his camera. But lo and behold, there she is. And it was only downloaded two days ago, so I know this was after our argument over her. I don't get it. He PROMISED me he wouldn't look her up again. I don't mind other porn that he may (and does) look at, but something about this chick bothers me. I think it's because he seemed so fascinated with her. And he must be, to hide this from me and lie to me, when he never has before. I'm really upset... Link to comment
IphigeniaSaysHi Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 I know this is probably very hard for you, and you feel a ton of awful emotions related to it, but you cannot really ever make a promise with a man (or woman sometimes) about porn. Porn is a compulsion, a reaction to arousal, and no amount of feeling guilty is really going to stop him from watching and getting off to his favorite "character". By promising you that he would delete her and leave her forever, it shows he wants to save your feelings. But that is likely not something he can commit to. Link to comment
top bloke Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 He is infatuated with this pornstar. I dont think porn should be allowed for reasons you have mentioned. Im sorry to say you gave him permission to look and she is his desire. Porn is made to arouse people but its not exactly heathy when a partner gets too infatuated. So what do you think of porn now? Still ok? Would have been nicer if you were the woman he is lusting for the most.. Porn is bad stuff. Link to comment
IphigeniaSaysHi Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 You just can't tell someone what they can and cannot do. Especially with porn. It will never work. Link to comment
Lyrisae Posted March 24, 2009 Author Share Posted March 24, 2009 Well, I believe that porn is healthy in moderation. That's why I've never minded him using it before. But having 300+ pictures of the same chick, and now hiding videos of her from me after promising me he wouldn't...goes above the line of moderation, in my opinion. "Infatuation" seems to be an appropriate word, and no, I don't like it. I don't mind him looking at 50+ naked women in one masturbation sitting, as long as he's not fixated on any one particular one...they're just boobies and butts to him. But this girl...is apparentely pretty special to him, for some reason. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 Liars turn me off more than almost anything Link to comment
Applewhite Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 My first boyfriend got obsessed with porn to the degree that we no longer had sex and he was trying to make me look like his porn girls. Eventually I realized he was not worth it and I deserved better. To this day he still tries to contact me but he is not worth my time. Even to say hello. Link to comment
Lyrisae Posted March 24, 2009 Author Share Posted March 24, 2009 So do you all think I should confront him with what I found? Link to comment
Applewhite Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 My feeling is that behavior like this, especially when they have lied to you before, is not likely to change. I don't believe confronting him will do any good. It will not give you any answers, it will not result in him changing his behavior. It will msot probably end up with some explanation of how that happened and more lies. In my oppinion there are 3 paths here. 1) You accept this behavior and stop being bothered by it and go on with the relationship as it is. 2) You decide this is not working and you deserve better. 3) You confront him, he gives explanations of how it happened and promises it will never happen again. In the future this and similar behaviour keeps happening and more and more issues come up, and 5 years down the road you are unhappily stuck with him perhaps forever. I recommend anything but path 3. Link to comment
top bloke Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 You just can't tell someone what they can and cannot do. Especially with porn. It will never work. I know it will never work but the results arent exactly making the woman feel wanted? Thats alright they allowed porn into their lives to have more passion and there it is. If we invite these types of things in our lives we must realise that we got what we wanted. A grown man who watches pornographic images lusting over some woman that probably cant match his woman in reality and is a pushbike all in the name if porn.. Link to comment
top bloke Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 So do you all think I should confront him with what I found? Firstly you must change the rules. You gave him a green light...then a red light to stop. If it bothers you ask him to stop but its not going to be easy...especially after allowing it. I think give it a try.... Link to comment
watsonkevin Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 After reading that I would say he is inlove with her, I would confront him about this fixation over this girl who he hasn't even seen clothed, I would tell him its you or me (which porn girl is it by chance?). And finally If I were you I would mow him down with a speed boat. Link to comment
top bloke Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 After reading that I would say he is inlove with her, I would confront him about this fixation over this girl who he hasn't even seen clothed, I would tell him its you or me (which porn girl is it by chance?). And finally If I were you I would mow him down with a speed boat. I disagree...he is infatuated by his fantasy woman....men are dumb some times Link to comment
watsonkevin Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 I disagree...he is infatuated by his fantasy woman....men are dumb some times Pretty much but I didn't let on as much as I know. It's a bit weird talking about my history in a reply to someone's topic but I went through what this man is going through, I'll keep you from the details but.... It all started with simple porn, just the teenage thing but then it turned into something stronger, I believe I became a porn addict and after speaking to my friends it just became more of a joke than a serious matter. This didn't help me at all and my problems were just left to fester. After some time the porn addiction seemed to improve but I became more fascinated with this one girl, her name was Chloe, I remember having so many photos and videos of her, I felt like I knew her, the sound of her voice, the shape of her boobs, it was weird, what I felt for Chloe, did at the time feel like love and I can't tell now if it was love or some addiction clouded with emotions. Anyway, best advice I can give is to confront him and tell him to seek help. Link to comment
top bloke Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 Thanks for sharing...its pretty much validated quite a few home truths for the readers here.... Link to comment
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