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how do i know she wants to come back?


smartalex

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It has been two months now. We meet daily, she says "i love you" but she is emotionally committed somewhere else. After dumping me, she moved on to date with another person. The new guy has taken an about turn all of sudden. They have not been meeting now for a few days. I have been comforting her in her tough times. She keeps thanking me for being there for her. She then discusses with me about her relationship failure. She is hurt. She wants to get over with it.

 

I have been around her to take care of her needs. She says our lives are interwined. She also says she cannot get emotionally close to anyone as much as she is with me. I have never said "i love you" to her ever she broke off with me. I have committed similar mistakes of being in contact even after break-up. I treat her in restaurants. I take her to shop. I have also shopped for her and gifted her on Valentines' day. I want her back. Now that she has break-up in her new relationship, I want to know whether she will come back to me? How will I know if she decides to come back?

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sit down and talk with her about why she wants to come back.what has changed in you or what has changed in her? has the reason why she broke up with you disappeared or she wants to deal with it?

 

But if you want her back , i think you should try.But dont come back with her and make her pay for what she did to you.If you are still hurt, then you have to forget and forgive her before you come back with her.If you cannot let go, then dont come back with her.Because you are not completely healed.

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I agree with DN.

If your lives were to be "intertwined" in the deep sense that you would like to believe she means, then her actions would carry that same message.

Her actions, however, imply that she likes having everything that you offer, but she doesn't care enough to offer you anything in return.

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If you want her to chase you, stop chasing her. Become aloof, slightly indifferent, be too busy to do things for her. If she senses you may be growing tired of her game and if she cares about you she will fight to keep you in her life. It works, trust me. If you give something precious to somebody (ie your support) when the person senses its going to be taken away they will fight for it.

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After a small misunderstandings with her new love, she has figured out that he was just getting over his break-up and still not too serious about her. This has disappointed her a bit. Both of them have decided to stay away for a period of month or two. She now tells me that I am not in any relationship for time being. Wants some time for herself to think what next?

 

Wants me to help her in keeping herself occupied. In addition to her weekends shopping and movies she wish to now learn piano, aerobics, gym, and do lots of other things.

 

In the meanwhile I am making new friends. However, she seems to have objection on that. She was enquiring, how many times a particular friend calls up, what does she (new friend) talks to me? Why the hell she has to call up? etc.

 

She keeps saying "I love you" to me. However, I stopped responding by saying the three words ever since she told me she is not with me. But at least on three occassions she pointed out that i have not been responding to her "i love you". She further tells me that im ignoring her.

 

What do i make out this?

 

will she go back to new love, if he decides to be serious about her? How do i make the best of this opportunity, if any, if its exists?

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she sounds weak, using you as her crutch when things aren't going well with the other guy. do you really want to be around her when she's still emotionally attached to him? consoling and supporting her while she's heartbroken over him, you're pining away for her while he's pining away for his ex? the whole situation sounds a bit muddied, IMO i think you should go NC, tell her it isn't appropriate for her to be seeking help from you when she's heartbroken over another guy and you still have feelings for her. take care of yourself and hopefully in time her intentions will become more clear - whether it be to get back w/ you or the other guy.

 

also, i think it's hard when an ex still says they love you, because they used to say that when you were together and confusing that they still say it even though you're apart. it makes you think to yourself "if he/she still loves me, then why aren't together?" this is when, just as as the above posts say - action speaks louder than words.

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I would like to thank each one of you personally for placing your replies.

 

I do want her back.

 

Yes I do understand that I am being used.

 

I am trying to heal myself by forgiving myself and forgetting every event that has happened between me and her in last five years. In fact the past memories are slowly getting wiped off. My pain on remembering “good times” we had has come down substantially.

 

I think of what went wrong. Was there any scope for me to improve any where? Im trying my best to work on improving myself as a human being.

 

In our daily interaction, there are occasions when she gets upset on me for petty reasons and keep saying "it could not happen in last five years and I don’t expect it to happen". Earlier I used to feel upset and react while we were in relationship. Now i have stopped feeling anything about it. In fact I feel better when I don’t get upset. I have also realized that she was not right on many occasions when she was upset with me but I have stopped proving that she is wrong. When she realizes that she has been wrong she has started apologizing to me. However, I maintain that she need not feel bad or say sorry about these things.

 

Our life were so aligned before. Today our lifes are disaligned. She appears to be fed up about me on several counts. When I told her that "I have made a very bad impression on her mind and it may take 100 years to wipe that" She replied "you are mistaken". then she says "you are a good man". Then agains she will start argument on some other issue. But I keep very calm and like it because at the end I feel better I did not get upset with her.

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It is reproduced below>

 

 

 

Thank you Create happiness: I truly want to go NC. Even I understand that action speaks louder than words. I stopped saying "i love you" to her because she shut doors on me on my most intimate emotion. I value these three words and just because she is saying "i love you" it really does not make me feel good.

 

In an interaction of say one hour she finds 4 - 5 faults with my actions. I have expressed that to her nicely. Then she starts saying "so ultimately, I am bad". Then I ask her to calm down. Tell her that I always try to remember good things between me and her.

 

I know it will be some time before things will start changing, if at all because although I have made efforts to over come her, she has a lot of ill feelings for me. Unless she is able to forget all my weaknesses, things which she claims that she is "fed up of you" there is no chance that she can get good feelings for me. She may be right. I may have made mistakes in dealing with issues but i don’t think i need to dumped in this manner. “Breaking up” is not the only way of life.

 

We can sit together and discuss these issues. We can always find work around for each of the problems if not complete solutions.

 

If it so happen that she decides not to come back I will truly move out of her life and "move on" in life.

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