Broke up last night

[whatatodo]

So last night I broke up with the guy I've been seeing for 6 months, who I work with. I've been up since 4am, and can't get back to sleep. My eyes feel like hamster eyes, all puffy and can barely see the screen.

 

What makes this whole thing worse is that I chose to finish it, because I was brave enough to admit that I wasn't what he wanted after 6 months. It all came to a head at the weekend when I asked him over a drunk text was I his 'bird', and he responded with a cold reply dodging the question. According to him last night, it's because he knew I was around my friend blokes so sent a blokey response being drunk and not thinking. What makes this even more hard is that talking (and me crying) about it last night, it's apparent that he kept me at 'arms distance' that he felt 'guilt' that he wasn't giving me what I deserved. Due to the fact he was still hurting from an ex who trampled all over him. He said it wasn't that he wanted to get back with her at all, it was just that he couldn't get into a relationship yet. Which, to be fair to him, he has always maintained with me! He's never promised me that. However, he was slipping out the word 'boyfriend', he did say 'I love you' on several occasions. He says he feels inadequate, that he's a 28 year old guy who rents with a stranger, that hasn't travelled etc etc, but I'm 26 and feel the same and would have loved to have done that with him. He says that he doesn't feel he can have an 'adult relationship' with someone at work as we should be planning 2 week holidays together. Point is that shouldn't stop that, as I told him, if he really cared, like I did him it wouldn't bother him. We'd speak to the directors and that would be that.

 

I DONT WANT THIS TO BE OVER!! Yet he has now 'mutually' agreed it!! I couldn't leave last night, he didn't want me to leave. He didn't let me, so when he went to the loo I decided to leave. So went, he called out for me, then I got to my car, only to find he'd come after me. And sat himself next to me. I had to ask him to 'please leave my car', he then tried to kiss me, which I wasn't having any of, and got out and slammed the door. I then got a text off him asking for me to let him know I was home safe, that he felt sick and regretted being such a 'dysfunctional idiot'. when i got back (crying all the way as I didn't want to leave) i text him to say I was back, and gushed out my feelings again, and he replied saying he was glad id got home safe, that i was not to make myself feel sad, how he feels awful, how he'll miss lying next to me and that i was to try and eat and then get an early night. I didn't reply but have done at 5 in the morning.

 

I just don't want this to be over!! I've got to see him at work, annoyingly I can't do that 'TODAY' as I'll be onsite more or less all day. I just don't want this to be over. I don't want him being with someone else, even though he tells me he's not even looking. He will though, he's a gorgeous guy, who can't help being flirtatious. I'll have to hear about it too. I sort of believe he cares, and WISH there was someway of having HIM change his mind. Wish there was something I could do to make him want me again!! Even if I'm strong and tell him to leave me alone, I WANT HIM TO WANT ME!!

[whatatodo]

Oh and he also mentioned he's going to try to ask for a sabbatical at work, it's apparently not because he's running away from me, he wants to travel as he has felt for a long time that he has lost his way. What's so weird is that, the thought of seeing him at work everyday kills me, but it also kills me that I might not see him for 6 months from October!!

[whatatodo]

So I've not been able to go back to sleep - is there ANYONE that can advise me on how to get through this. I'm clinging on to the hope he might wake up and smell the coffee but it's not going to happen. I SO wish it would!! It's not going to change, no matter what I do.

[Pixiedoc]

Hi, you poor thing. From your post it seems like this may be a late night argument that went wrong due to drink, lack of inhibitions etc. You need to try and calm down (I know it's not easy), get your thoughts back on track and decide how to contact him. It seems he was quite caring, checking up on you and being considerate of your feelings.

 

You both seem to want the same kind of things. Why don't you arrange to see him and talk these through - you never know, you might come up with a long term plan that you can both agree with....good luck.

[whatatodo]

Hi Pixiedoc, sadly you misunderstood. I text him on Friday night, when we were both drunk, lack of inhibitions made it easier for me to send that text asking if I was 'his bird'. I then lost my phone all weekend, and yesterday I got a replacement, all his texts in response landed on my phone yesterday. So I asked if I could go round to his and talk it through, like you're suggesting. Sadly this led to this... it being over. Even if I turned around to him and said, can we go on, I promise I won't get hurt, he wouldn't allow it. All of what he said feels like a cop out now. When he was saying it, it wasn't but now it definitely does. I know that it's over for good, things probably wouldn't have changed, but I don't want anybody else. Sadly I really want him. And it's not a case of wanting what you can't have. He always told me he wasn't ready for a long term relationship yet, but I held on to that hope in the back of my mind... and sadly he didn't help by uttering 'those words' and accidently saying the word 'boyfriend' when talking about us. I don't feel I can let this one go. I don't want anyone else. I want him to want me!! Sadly that's not going to happen

[ratfreak]

The sleepless nights will stop.

It's been 3 going on 4 weeks for me and last night I finally slept through without waking up and crying.

 

He did say he's not looking for a relationship so in all honesty, I don't think this will work.

At least the guy you were with told you right from the start.

I heard it 3 years into the relationship that he was not ready...

[Darkness7]

It might be strange of me to say this because I am going through the same thing and can't cope with my break-up, but things will start getting better. As long as you take care of yourself right now, make sure you eat and try and get some sleep, you should start feeling better in a few weeks. It will take time to heal, but all you can do now is be patient and stay strong. Who knows? Maybe with time, you can work things out again once you've both spent time on your own. That can help sometimes and then you come back together if it's meant to be and you can try and make it work again.

[whatatodo]

I just wish I didn't have to see him everyday. OR at least when he sees me I wish he would change his flipping mind!! I'm totally gutted!! I just don't see that I'm ever going to meet anyone I care or fancy as much as I did him!!