Does he have to ignore me now?

[meiling]

It started a few years ago, I kind of had an FWB with this guy. He'd asked me out a couple times but I didn't think we would last very long, so we just kept doing what we were doing and were both pretty happy with it.

 

We'd fall out of contact for months at a time but then start talking again as if no time had passed, and then I had a relationship so we couldn't continue fooling around, though we did hang out some and he'd flirt with me alot and on occasion half-seriously suggest I leave my bf for him.

 

This went on for about three years and the whole time he continued to like me, he always reminded me even when he wasn't single. I haven't seen him in over a year now and last I heard he was engaged to an older woman and they had twins.

 

I would really just like to have a normal friendship with this guy if he'd let me, he is one of the funniest guys I've ever met and has an engaging personality. I don't have his number anymore but tonight I IMed him and a couple minutes later he signed off. I tried IMing him hello a few months back also and same thing happened.

 

Nothing terrible occurred between us so I don't understand why he wouldn't like to be friends too unless I am out of line here? Is there some rule that we cannot have a friendship because of our past relationship and would I be a threat to his fiance? Or why else would he just ignore me? He is a very friendly person.

[Seko]

When you were together was it very intense? Did you or he ever confess a lot of very serious feelings to each other?

 

Maybe he doesn't trust himself around you, or suspects you might be trying to rekindle something with him and would rather not have the temptation in his life.

 

Do you have his e-mail address? Maybe instead of IMing him, shoot him a short non-flirty email like "hey I miss your company, when will I get to see your twins?" or something that indicates you know his current relationship status and are not trying to disrupt it...

 

Just an idea.

[southerngirl]

Maybe its not right for him to ignore you, but he also might not trust himself around you like the above poster suggested.

 

When you had sex and had your time together it changed things. Sadly often it is very hard to go back to being just friends. He might forever think of you and the times you shared... not that it's a bad thing but this may be why he doesn't want you to be involved in his life right now. He also could be afraid of it putting his current relationship in jeopardy. His girlfriend/fiance/wife may not understand. Just my thoughts.

 

Don't let it hurt you, be happy for him in his new relationship and move on, let him contact you... if he knows where to find you the ball is in his court now.

[meiling]

When you were together was it very intense? Did you or he ever confess a lot of very serious feelings to each other?

 

Maybe he doesn't trust himself around you, or suspects you might be trying to rekindle something with him and would rather not have the temptation in his life.

 

Do you have his e-mail address? Maybe instead of IMing him, shoot him a short non-flirty email like "hey I miss your company, when will I get to see your twins?" or something that indicates you know his current relationship status and are not trying to disrupt it...

 

Just an idea.

 

One night he did say he loved me, I didn't believe him, though. That was maybe four months before we fell out of contact and we had hung out a couple times nicely after he said it.

 

If he doesn't trust himself, he could at least respond to me instead of avoiding contact. Unfortunately I don't have his email, he's not on facebook (weird nowadays, huh) and took down his myspace. I know he must be very busy working and helping take care of the twins. I would at least just like to know how he's doing. Should I just leave it alone or what should I do?

[Seko]

Sometimes it's easier to ignore someone than be honest with them, when the honest answer isn't something nice. Maybe you should just leave him alone. He knows you tried to contact him twice...as southerngirl said, the ball's in his court now.

[DJBaby]

I'll break it down for you:

 

He was in love with you.

 

Over three years, you slowly broke his heart by not returning his feelings (not your fault, but still...)

 

You went through one of your no-contact phases, which probably happened because his heart was broken.

 

He met someone else.

 

He decided to marry her and commit to her... even have children with her.

 

How do you think his soon-to-be wife would feel if you two were friends?

 

Let him go. Leave him alone. That chapter is, and should be, over.

 

I'm sorry.

[meiling]

I'll break it down for you:

 

He was in love with you.

 

Over three years, you slowly broke his heart by not returning his feelings (not your fault, but still...)

 

You went through one of your no-contact phases, which probably happened because his heart was broken.

 

He met someone else.

 

He decided to marry her and commit to her... even have children with her.

 

How do you think his soon-to-be wife would feel if you two were friends?

 

Let him go. Leave him alone. That chapter is, and should be, over.

 

I'm sorry.

 

I guess I should have believed he had strong feelings. He was such a joker that I didn't believe it, but he did keep bringing it up in those three years. Now I feel terrible if that's true.

 

Is there any way I can just apologize to him? And not wishing anything bad on his relationship, but if they went their separate ways at some point would it be appropriate to offer friendship then?

[DJBaby]

No, honey, don't contact him any more. Let him go. You can't even speculate on whether they will go their separate ways. They have two children together.

[Ms Darcy]

It means he doesn't want to be in contact with you anymore and he doesn't want to have to tell you why.

 

Chalk it up to a lesson learned. If you would like to maintain a friendship with someone, trying a fwb situation might make it impossible for the other person to go back to a comfortable, platonic interaction.