What do you call this?

[phoenixgirl]

So the breakup has been 10 month, and I've been doing pretty well nowadays. He broke up with me out of blue for some ridiculous reason last May, and we pretty much had no contact since then.

 

I found out he quickly hooked up with a girl right after our breakup (or maybe they were already together before we brokeup, i'll never now), thanks to the allmighty Myspace. What i found sent me straightly to emotional hell. Anyone who ever felt betrayed maybe can understand what i went through.

 

Anyway, I pulled myself together. Life goes on. I'm ok now.

 

Fast forward to last weekend. I don't why, but I googled them (he and the new girl) out again. He took his myspace out but hers is still there. He has another blog now. They are engaged, and they have a baby coming soon.

 

So he's her fiance, so-to-be husband, baby's father.....All within 10 months.

 

I looked the pics online of his old house. And what he wrote about his daily life. Brought back so many momeries. Things we used to do together. And then there are pics about the nursery, the happy new life....

 

I find myself looking at those pics one by one, again and again. I don't know how to explain what I am like a cyber stalker. Pure stupidity?

[osterfanish]

No, it's not stupidity phoenixgirl. It's a natural response when we go digging and looking for answers. I should know, because I am in the midst of the same thing as you except I am at the other end of the spectrum (she broke up with me 4 months ago and only in day 35 of NC) and I am still not anywhere close to getting over it.

 

My ex essentially did the same thing as in your situation and I found out all about the new guy through some very subversive, stalkerish, and even obsessive ways. I am recognizing these things (especially the obsessive parts) and trying to improve myself and take things, one day at a time. Letting go is a big part of that, and I am nowhere close. It's difficult - more difficult than anything else in the world.

 

I guess what I am saying is that it made things so much worse and I wish I had never dug up stuff on the new guy she is seeing. It is so hard in the digital, technological age to do so, I know. And you start to do things like compare yourself to the new person, what life would be like if they had chosen to put in more of an effort and be with you, etc. I can totally see my ex and her new man being together for a long time - possibly married, children, etc. They are that compatible - in my OWN mind, anyway. Maybe you can block the websites that offer you the information on his new life? It's easier than trying to ignore it. Try not to compare yourself or what you had to what your ex now has. Let it go. It is easier said than done, I know, but what I am trying to keep in mind is the other person has moved on, so I need to as well.

 

Stay strong and know that you are definitely NOT alone...

[phoenixgirl]

Yeah i've been pretty strong actually, and I am actually pretty proud of myself for that. Believe me, before this past Sunday, I haven't been checking out their myspace for more than 6 months. I knew those websites are there. I just haven't looked for months. That's why i don't understand why i dig them up again.

 

And I admit, it doesn't feel good to see they are so happy. I used to think that i will be happy for him if he finds his happiness, but i guess that i am actually that nice. Maybe it's an ego thing.

 

On the other hand, i cannot blame myspace/blog too much. After the breakup i spent months hoping that he would come back to me. Then those myspace pages told me that he's gone, forever. A wake up call, right?

[southerngirl]

Now you know how he is doing, maybe you can move on easier. Whatever you do force yourself to stop looking. I know that wont be easy now that you know about his blog but its for your own good.

 

It hurts i am sure. Sorry that you are going through this.

[InRecovery]

Yeah the urge is there to check up on them at all times ... hope we'll see something that makes us think they realise they made a mistake, that we were in the right and karma is on our side.

 

Unfortunately the internet age makes everyone so accessible and allows us to create a happy persona whether people are or not.

 

You can't read into peoples lives when they're not a part of yours.

 

You shouldn't have snooped, but you did and it seems to have set you back a tad. This guy isn't a part fof your life, screw him, focus on yourself. Resist the urge .... its a habit thats very easy to fall back into.

[phoenixgirl]

... hope we'll see something that makes us think they realise they made a mistake, that we were in the right and karma is on our side.

 

Precisely.

 

"You can't read into peoples lives when they're not a part of yours."/

 

That makes sense. I will remember that.