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Been 2 months, do you think he still cares?


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Hi all,

I've been reading these posts for awhile now and I must say they have brought me a lot of comfort these past few months. I would like to share my story as well as seek advice.


I am a female in my mid-20's and I met a wonderful guy the end of the summer. Keep in mind, I have been cheated on, verbally abused, and had a lot of bad luck when it came to guys, so I wasn't really looking for anything. And then he came along. Friends and family say he was the type of guy I should have been dating all along: kind, fun, and trustworthy. We were dating through January. It was not very long but I really fell hard. To be honest, I really thought I had found it this time. He seemed happy as well but there was always the underlying issues of his past heartbreaks and his job. He has a great job, but it is extremely demanding and as the economy turned bad, so did his stress level. He didn't lose his job, but he started putting in crazy hours. We were closer than we had ever been during the holidays but come January 2nd, he was working well over 50 hours a week. I told him I knew things would be tough and I would be by his side. We are young professionals afterall, trying to make our way in the world.


I suppose I wasn't 100% surprised when he broke up with me. He was stressed to the max and had been distant after the holidays. However, I honestly thought he'd be back days later. I was so confident. It was NC for a few weeks and then I broke down and wrote him a short e-mail. In it, I explained that I understood we needed time apart but that I still cared for him and really wanted to make things work when the time was right. He didn't respond for a month and I was infuriated and hurt. I finally drunkenly wrote him a fb message explaining how cruel it was that he couldn't even respond to my e-mail. By the way, by this time his good friends had become good friends with mine so we often went out socially together, but he was never here during those outings. His friends explained that they weren't going to discuss him with me or vice verca so that we could all remain friends. The only information they have given me is that wasn't dating anyone else and he was ridiculous confused and torn when he broke up with me.


After my angry e-mail, he responded a few days later. It was a huge apology note and he explained that he didn't respond because he didn't know what to say and he was so sorry for causing me pain, and that he would like to be friends and maybe grab lunch and talk. He also said that he felt like we needed to break up because we weren't "connecting on the same relationship level" and that it wasn't fair to either of us. It seemed like a typical kiss off message but there was one thing in there that has made me hang on. In my e-mail, I reminded him of our breakup conversation when he was crying (he actually cried and this guy doesn't cry!) where he said he felt like he needed time away to see if he would miss me and to sort out his feelings. So, I asked him, do you miss me? He responded with, yes, I do miss you. You are beautiful, kind, and amazing. And then he jumped right into the friend thing.


Do I have even the slightest bit of hope for a reconciliation? I responded a week later and explained that i didn't know how any couple could "connect" when one half of the relationship was working all the time and that that was an unfair statement, but all of that was in the past and that I, too, would like to get together sometime and talk more and maybe not talk about all this serious stuff. I left it with: You let me know.


It has been 5 days. I waited a week to respond to his and he waited a month the first time around.


Anyone have similar experiences?

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Simple answer... Walk away. He does care and he does miss you, but I don't think he can see a future together with you. While it is easy to hold on to one littel comment and ignore all the rest, all the rest is telling you clearly where he is at with it all. You are going to cause yourself more hurt by hanging on. Trust me, I know.


Move on, find someone that is more interested in you than he is and forget about him...

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I will tell you the truth. But, you may not want to hear what I have to say. The honeymoon period of most relationships only last between 6-9 months. When I think about how long you dated, that is the first thing that jumped out at me. He does have a lot on his plate and his goals/job seem like they are far more important than you. The fact that it took so long to respond also tell s me that he does not want to deal with the stress you add to his life. People move away from stress and toward comfort.


Perhaps for him it was a good time but not what he wants right now. I would not take it personally. YOU did not fail. YOU are not a bad person. Seems that it has more to do with him than you. BUT we may not know and it really does not matter now.


It's is time to focus on yourself. Take the good that you learned from this relationship and move toward another direction. YOU deserve to be happy. And in time you will heal.


Hang in there.

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I think probably the best thing you can do is get out of his life for the time being. Time and space. Let him understand that you are moving on and are no longer there. He may come back, he may not. One thing is for certain, nagging him and constantly asking about "the relationship" is driving him away.


Chill baby... chill.

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I don't think that he stopped having feelings for you and I'm sure he cares and misses you but he clearly values his job more than anything else.


I used to work over 60 hour weeks in a physically demanding job and I made sure I made time for the guy I was with and he did the same.


I was also with a cheater and a physical and emotional abusers and thought that I woudn't find anyone who would treat me well but I have and I know you will too.


Hang in there.

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