acinom Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 As a woman I know some rules. Never mention marriage, never mention the exs. But what about a man who constantly throws them into conversation. Its not that he talks lovingly of them but It is just to let me and others know he has dated alot. It seems to me to ba a massive sign of insecurity but it creates such a bad impression. Can intelligent men be so clueless? Link to comment
volpe Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 some people just like to share these experiences because you two are dating, so it's just a way to share history. of course, everyone is not the same. some people talk waaay more than others, and sometimes it is a red flag. if it feels wrong to you, identify what it is that's wrong... and move on... i don't think it's always just to show off... it could be insecurity as you say, but it might not be. Link to comment
acinom Posted March 23, 2009 Author Share Posted March 23, 2009 I think it is insecurity because he also mentions where he buys his clothes and rich people he knows. he is from a richer background from me and I suppose those sort of things are important among those snobs and he had to run with it. i'm also sure lots of aspirational woman (and I know a few) wo, uld be impressed but i'm very down to earth. I really don't care if his suit is hugo boss or k mart. I don't think he knows me well enough to realise that that isn't the way to impress me. I'm hoping he will realise it, let his guard down and we can have fun. I never mention my exs plus when he admires my clothes and jewellery I tell him straight out where I got it and it isn't at Chanel etc. Link to comment
Keyman Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 The simple answer is yes. Many of the classic geeks have massive IQ's and yet when it comes to talking to women they have nothing to say... Perhaps politely suggest that he not talk about his exes... Or say something like "you talk about the girls you've dated a lot, don't you?" and if he's got any sense he should not this and ask you if you have an issue with it. Then just tell him it feel weird. It can be heard though, as some of my experiences in my mind are tied to girls I have dated and it helps with timelines, so it can take some work to separate them... Link to comment
acinom Posted March 23, 2009 Author Share Posted March 23, 2009 Its not that he talks about them so much as slips them in. For example he was talking about his cat and then mentioned how she didn't like two of his girlfriends. Another time we were talking about travel and he mentioned that he dated an air stewardess, that sort of thing but alot of it. Its like these asides are designed to say, I'm attractive, i'm rich , popular and successful and I 'm there thinking quit the ads, be yourself. He has occasionally admitted to weaknesses but generally its the buy me ad campaign. i hope he will get over it. Link to comment
Samedy Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 If he's talking about one specific ex, then I would say he is not over her. If he is talking about just ex's in general, then I would assume he is insecure and is trying to prove his manhood to you. But there are probably a lot of reasons he could be doing that. That's what my assumptions would be. Link to comment
PennyLaneBlac Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 There is one ex he mentioned and i think that he may not be over her but she has married and moved abroad. He never mentioned the names of others. He did tell a friend that his last GF would get aggressive when drunk. He knows I do not drink. I'm always afraid that makes me sound dull. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 Well what if that is just how he is? The sort of "Salesman" personality, trying to sell you on everything great and that is how he relates to the world? Sure, it could be insecurity. A while ago I stopped trying to figure it out and sort of just pass after finding out about as much as you've explained here. And it's happened once or twice. I'm going to be blunt - it just bored me. So maybe you just aren't interested in the same things he is? I don't know but it is one possibility! It's like you say; there are women out there who are impressed and find it charming that a guy will put all his achievements/names/history all out there in their face. And waiting for that guy to sort of morph into the down-to-earth type of fellow just sort of seems a no-win situation to me. anyways, good luck. Link to comment
amipushy Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 Just sounds like a big head who likes to boost his own ego. Link to comment
lucasky Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 I really don't understand that kind of behavior either, like you said acinom, it kind of gives off a strong sense of insecurity. There is this one guy I know that I had the biggest crush on, and as soon as he found out he started bragging about all the money he spends at the bar, all the VIP treatment he gets when he goes out, all the ladies that love him... the list goes on... I think he's trying to impress me, but it REALLY is having the opposite effect. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 Its not that he talks about them so much as slips them in. For example he was talking about his cat and then mentioned how she didn't like two of his girlfriends. Another time we were talking about travel and he mentioned that he dated an air stewardess, that sort of thing but alot of it. Its like these asides are designed to say, I'm attractive, i'm rich , popular and successful and I 'm there thinking quit the ads, be yourself. He has occasionally admitted to weaknesses but generally its the buy me ad campaign. i hope he will get over it. i don't think saying the cat didn't like a couple exs is bad at all. but then jumping into the stewardess thing, ehhh, too much. i think he just needs to talk about his past to make himself feel worthy/wanted somehow. it is insecure. Link to comment
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