soulmeetsbody Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 I do not need to talk about him to my friends anymore. Actually I don't even want to. He's not my boyfriend anymore, why would he deserve do be mentioned in any of my conversations? He takes less and less space in my mind...he just doesn't deserve it anymore. I am going traveling in Asia this summer... Something I could never have done being with him. I am able to visualize my life without him. I organize my own parties, dinners, holidays, career, studies, I am in total control!!! I no longer feel guilty about a lot of things. I feel like my time is mine, and he can't take my good mood away from me anymore, he can't force me to go to his house every single night anymore 'to comfort him' and actually be screamed at and put down. Everyone around me comments on how happy and good I look, and two of my friends, when we met up, asked me if I got back with the ex because I looked so radiant. No, no, I am single for the first time in years (I have jumped from romance to romance since I was what, 15??) and it feels amazing. I feel so relieved and free after this complicated relationship and the messy breakups. Plus I'm no longer posting in the getting back together section. Now is this progress or what! Link to comment
odile Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 In a metaphorical sense, I guess! (actually, I chose them for the party hats ) Your post is fantastic, and it sounds like you really are on to great things! CONGRATULATIONS! Link to comment
emj27 Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 This is so great! Congratulations! shows there is hope for the rest of us Link to comment
HoTung Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 well done - have a fab time in asia Link to comment
soulmeetsbody Posted March 24, 2009 Author Share Posted March 24, 2009 Thank you! Believe me, if I can feel like that now so can you... Because it's our third breakup, and the other times I was a complete mess. It felt like my chest was being stabbed continuously and waking up was the worst... Like waking up from a nightmare and realizing it wasn't a nightmare but reality. Even if I was trying to do things to prove I wasn't (see friends, exercise, party), my heart just wasn't in it... I was just focused on getting him back, through strategies and manipulation. Third time around, it's very different, I am not even depressed and haven't cried in three weeks (the breakup was a month ago). Not because I love him less this time but because I have actually been taking pleasure in creating my own life and seeing myself as a single woman doesn't scare me anymore. It's just as good as being with him...wait, no it is so much better!!! It IS a state of mind. If you need any tips etc maybe i could help... Link to comment
aglaia Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 Not because I love him less this time but because I have actually been taking pleasure in creating my own life and seeing myself as a single woman doesn't scare me anymore. That was exactly what spurred me and provided me with a breakthrough to get out of my rut... the fact that i could see myself being happy AND single and leading a fun and fulfilling life... suddenly i didn't fear doing things on my own, going on holiday, eating out, watching movies.... people do them on their own all the time... Link to comment
soulmeetsbody Posted March 24, 2009 Author Share Posted March 24, 2009 That was exactly what spurred me and provided me with a breakthrough to get out of my rut... the fact that i could see myself being happy AND single and leading a fun and fulfilling life... suddenly i didn't fear doing things on my own, going on holiday, eating out, watching movies.... people do them on their own all the time... Exactly, when you've been in a relationship for a while its hard to remember how to do things on your own... To actually think and feel on your own. After the break-up I was still thinking for two. The plans, the opinions, the decisions I was making still depending on him. When invited to a certain event I had to think 'He wouldnt let me'. I haven't been single in a long time...It's literally the first time I don't have anyone I feel I can tell everything too and who knows everything about me. I guess that's where friends come in... Link to comment
soulmeetsbody Posted March 29, 2009 Author Share Posted March 29, 2009 it hurts to say it but.....even if I recently posted that I may be missing the ex I can't ignore the fact that everyone's telling me I look radiant and I'm glowing - while apparently I looked anxious during the relationship and I looked like I had someone to look after constantly. With the NC and the space I'm getting I'm missing him more and more, but I can't hide the fact that I'm happier without him...and I've done SO many things since the breakup! All fun things I wouldn't have done if I was still with him... Link to comment
ezious Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 With the NC and the space I'm getting I'm missing him more and more, but I can't hide the fact that I'm happier without him...and I've done SO many things since the breakup! All fun things I wouldn't have done if I was still with him... I'm in the same boat as you. I feel I'm over things, but with the NC I do miss her sometimes. It's natural to miss someone you spent so much time with. Maybe we're missing the idea of a relationship more than the persons themselves? Link to comment
odile Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 I'm in the same boat as you. I feel I'm over things, but with the NC I do miss her sometimes. It's natural to miss someone you spent so much time with. Maybe we're missing the idea of a relationship more than the persons themselves? You wouldn't be the first people to do so!!! You're a step closer to healing for having recognised that possibility. Eventually the pain of the loss of the familiar will subside. This is when you'll get to the point where the good memories can be accepted for what they were: some good moments created the midst of an ultimately unfulfilling relationship. When you can reconcile this, the things that you honestly do miss about that person will be easier to live without, or to accept under entirely different terms (i.e., friendship). Oh, and...you'll be able to meet new people, and create new dreams, and new relationships and new memories, too... Link to comment
soulmeetsbody Posted April 1, 2009 Author Share Posted April 1, 2009 I have been thinking about my ex a LOT in the last 3 days. It's been a little over a month since the split,and day 11 of NC. (it's our third breakup). And today I cried for the first time since the break-up. I have been having thoughts of reconciliation, and bad memories of the break-up have resurfaced. I feel like it finally hit home. I had a good month before that, as I said in this thread. But I have been obsessing over him the last 3 days. I just can't really remember why we split up. yes he's been bad to me but so have i to him. And he's just immature, he's really young and put in a situation that most people his age aren't confronted to until their 30s, 40s. To worsen things he's in the public eye as well. I miss him, as a friend and a lover. Life just isn't that fun without him. It is still fun - I'm having a great time, but so was I before the split (minus the arguments). I know I will find someone new eventually, and I don't feel worthless or anything... I am very confident in myself, have supportive friends, family, I'm good at what I do... I'm not thinking about him because I'm depressed, I just really feel empty without him, but the rest of my life is still great. I know that if we bumped into each other tomorrow we may be back together by Sunday. It's just how it happens every time. But it doesn't mean I want us to be together again so soon. I'd want him to sort out his career problems, and finances first and I've got other things to sort out as well. I just know we can get back together if I try hard enough, or have patience. And that's what I want, but I'm not sure if that's what I need. I really love him, but I cannot be with him now. We are way too young to be able to keep it together right now. He's out of town half the time, he's constantly working, traveling, meeting people for work, and losing a lot of money at the same time. It's a lot of pressure, and although I loved looking after him, I felt resentful as I felt robbed of my free time, wasn't acting young and carefree anymore...it was too much pressure for both of us. I will not break NC. It would hurt too much, and I'd have nothing to say. I want to wait until I understand my feelings. But the thoughts of reconciliation have been playing over and over in my head. I can't believe I cried today... Link to comment
aglaia Posted April 2, 2009 Share Posted April 2, 2009 hey soul, I also had a particularly bad day yesterday and i cried myself to sleep last night. it's been 9 weeks going on 10 since break up and nearly a month of NC... i felt so depressed and kept being engulfed by thoughts of him cos i missed him so much. at the same time i really wanted to physically hurt him for hurting me so much... like all i wanted to do was to gouge out his eyes. it's true what they say that love and hate are really a thin line apart... so i don't want to hate, i want to be indifferent... but i don't see that happening soon... i guess we will often have days when we fall backwards but i want to believe it will get better.. it has to... Link to comment
soulmeetsbody Posted April 6, 2009 Author Share Posted April 6, 2009 I really am healing. I don't want anything to do with my ex anymore - not right now anyway. If he came back that'd be an ego boost and nothing more. I am getting happier everyday - I was really upset for two days last week, but it passed, and I guess it comes and goes in waves but I had a great weekend. Especially since Ive kind of been seeing my other ex (who's happens to be a great friend of mine). It's not going to go anywhere, but if we didn't have a past and he hadnt been with so many girls, I could fall in love with him - 10 times deeper than with my most recent ex, because we already have such a connection as friends. I don't want that to happen but it's great to know there are people out there who are better, nicer for me. And who I am extremely attracted to. And who put a smile on my face every time I see them. he's always in such a great mood, which reminds me my other ex was always so difficult and grumpy, the opposite of who I am now! There is a light at the end of the tunnel everyone! Link to comment
ratfreak Posted April 6, 2009 Share Posted April 6, 2009 Great post. I'm glad that people are getting back to being happy. It's been 5 weeks since he ended it and I went from desperatly wanting him back in week1, missing him less in week 2, understanding how he was a jerk to me in week 3 and finally seing all through him in week 4. Even if he begged, I woudn't go back. A cloud of dark has been lifted even though I did love him but I sure don't miss the putdowns and criticism. I am happy on my own and with the weird way I am and even though I hurt [only from his hurtful comments] I don't miss him or even the idea of him and a relationship. There IS a light at the end of the tunnel, it's bright and there's enough for everyone. Link to comment
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