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Things I’ve learned about getting your ex back


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To the lovely people here on ENA…



I finally joined after reading so many posts! I thought I’d finally share a bit of my knowledge, after having been helped so much by this forum. I’m no expert but I have learned a lot about breakups and reconciliations from my own experience, people around me and keeping an eye on this relationship forum whenever I needed it (being introduced to it by a friend!) and I felt like writing down my own Do’s and Don’ts... Because yes they do WORK! They worked for me and friends. It doesn’t mean we got our ex’s back everytime but we always got over them in the best way possible.


I’ve been the dumper, the dumpee, and I’m at the end of a long-term on/off relationship... So I’ve had my fair share of breaks, break-ups and reconciliations.

I have my own opinion on things, and I may sound a bit harsh sometimes. I’ve got strong opinions but I guess that’s why I’m the one people turn too for break-up advice. I have made a lot of mistakes and I hate hearing my friends doing the same or reading them on ENA. There we go...



1)The first thing I want to focus on is the importance of NC.



Its pretty obvious but I’ve forgotten this essential piece of advice a lot of times.

After any conflict you need time to chill… You need to cool down.


You’re confronted to so much during a break-up. You feel rejection, your pride is hurt, you feel intense despair and your whole world seems threatened because you’ve got to confront a whole new reality. Imagine, the hopes and dreams you shared with someone you spent so much time with, and so much effort on, are now gone. And often, we don’t give up these hopes and dreams until a long time after the break-up. It often happens when someone you love dies. Reality takes a while to settle in…And you would do ANYTHING to restore that familiarity that made everything around you safe and comforting.

With all of this threatening your reality, how can you expect yourself, or your ex, to act in a proper civilized way? You may act like a psycho, a stalker or the desperate heroine of a Greek tragedy. And that’s when you and the ex are at risk to attend a festival of anger, frustration, rage and horrible things are said. But these negative emotions WILL subside – just make sure that you DON’T speak in the meantime.


You can’t see clearly right now.

You think you can but you can’t. Break-ups are one of the most distressing experiences someone can face.You'll feel emotions in the first weeks after the break-up that will do a complete 180 in the long-term. When you dump someone you may feel relief and excitement, and when you get dumped you may feel hopeless and suicidal. But believe it or not, these feelings that seem so real and raw need time to settle. And they will only have the time to settle after a long period of NC, long enough so you get used to that new situation – its past, present and its future. And they will take a new surprising shape.



So don’t obsess about the bad feelings/arguments/final words shared right after the breakup. Not only you can still do NC but you also shouldn’t spend ANY time thinking and rethinking about your last exchanges. How many times have I heard ‘We’ll never get back together again’ or ‘I’ll never speak to you ever again’ only to talk to receive an phone call less than a week later, or them trying it again a few years down the line. These are just words. They really really do not matter NOW because they just make you feel bad anyway. You know when you're having a good day and suddenly you remember a particularly horrible sentence and feel bad for the rest of the day.


Give yourself some time to forgive yourself for the way you acted after the breakup, and let the bitterness fade away.


You and your ex may have shared brutal confrontations but remember you (supposedly) had a long, enjoyable relationship before that, which is much more likely to be remembered once the anger wears off. And if there is anything worth salvaging in your relationship, a break from any form of contact will work in your favor. I remember how horrible was my first breakup from my ex. It was HORRIBLE. We screamed at each other, we swore we weren't in love anymore, that we'd never want anything to do with each other when we used to be so sweet and affectionate to each other. After a month of NC we found each other again. And got back together for the best, a year of happiness... where we fully got over the horrors of the breakup. It took time to trust each other again but it's important to forgive words. They're just words, especially when you're angry and hurt. Obviously it's best to stay polite and civil but we all know it's hard to keep calm in all situations.




More to come...

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Too many decent people are way too hung up on exes and this can delay or even destroy any chances of moving on or even finding someone better.I really think 99% of the time that exes should just stay out of our lives.


I completely agree, sometimes you HAVE to force yourself to move on.

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Yes I have this hard line position because most of the times exes cause havoc and disruption.They are exes for a reason.They should just stay away.


definitely, take my ex for example (she was a ex before) when she found out I was seeing someone else she did everything in her power to break us up! I would never interfere with her life like that so why could she not leave me alone!

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Too many decent people are way too hung up on exes and this can delay or even destroy any chances of moving on or even finding someone better.I really think 99% of the time that exes should just stay out of our lives.


I agree...I'm on here because I'm feeling sad.


I was in a new and exciting relationship and things were going very very well. Then...


He bumped into his ex from three years ago and got confused. He realized he still had feelings for her and wanted her back...even though she broke his heart and it took him two years to forgive her.


Now...how do I get him back? Lol.

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Because she still loved you..very very much, but didnt quite have the maturity to understand when you love someone you should let them go.


She probably still loves you even now.


She sent me a text last night after 31 days of NC so you could be right!

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I think so.


I say this because I can not give up on my lost love.


I know it will tear me apart when he is with someone new although I do want him to be happy. There is still a part of us that remains selfish in love I think, otherwise I would find it easier to let him go.


I know I need to let him go in the end but its oh so hard.

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Thats kinda the problem.


My heart is telling me he will come back and to wait for him.


My head says I have to let go. its actually the other way around.


Ive decided to become celibate, goes without saying really. i dont want to give myself to anybody until im in love. Im definitely a reformed character its just a shame

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There's no reason to let go. Life is long. We often come here because the pain of losing someone is so fresh in our minds. The shock of being rejected by someone we love is intensely damaging to the ego.


The reality of the situation is that breakups can often be a period of extraordinary introspection. I know that on my part, I have really changed a lot of my behaviors and habits for the better. I have become more mature and more responsible. I have grown up as a result of this breakup. You, Just Me, have also reformed as a result of your breakup.


We can either let the breakups destroy the core of who we are and let our emotions control us or we can practice constructive growth, learn from our mistakes and become healthier human beings.


And love lost is temporary. True love is like a boomerang. No matter how far away it travels, it always comes back to the one who possesses it.

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