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Detached Boyfriend


HairyJam

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My boyfriend and I haven't been together very long, just 5 months, and in that time he's given me a lot of hassle but he wouldn't know that.

 

He's incredibly laid-back, nothing bothers him and he's completely oblivious to when he's bothered me. He regularly 'ignores' my calls/texts for two to three days before replying. He doesn't seem to realise that I find this quite rude, even though I have told him (maybe a little too softly, in hyndsight).

 

Last week we arranged to go out the following night with some of my friends. The next day I called him to say when and where we were meeting my mates but he didn't answer his phone. The day rolled on and by 7pm (the arranged meeting time with my friends) he still hadn't gotten back to me, I left a message saying I would wait for him a little, hoping he would get back to me, I waited an hour before leaving alone.

 

I didn't hear from him until yesterday morning when he sent me a text (he didn't even bother to call me) saying basically that he was sorry he hadn't talked to me all weekend, he had spent all weekend with his friends being a "stoner waster", he "didn't mean to ignore" me and he suggested he take me out for dinner tonight to "make up for it". There was absolutely no mention of the fact that he completely ditched me on Friday night.

 

I replied back after a few minutes "No, I'm tired of being ignored". He replied reiterating he wanted to take me out tonight to make up for it. I haven't replied yet, I don't know what to say. Is it so much to ask for that he actually calls me to apologise?

 

A big problem as to why he acts like this is because I'm a total pushover. I let him walk all over me; I never complain, moan or argue with him so he probably thinks it's alright to treat me like this.

 

Should I go to dinner with him? I'm tired of playing second fiddle to everything else in his life. I don't ask for much, just that he reply to my calls/texts on the same day or if he wants to ditch plans with me, a small text would suffice. Should I try to salvage the relationship by explaining this to him more firmly? Or should I cut my losses and break it off?

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A big problem as to why he acts like this is because I'm a total pushover. I let him walk all over me; I never complain, moan or argue with him so he probably thinks it's alright to treat me like this.

 

You know the answer already You don't have to be unpleasant when you complain, just need ot be firm and back it up with actions.

 

So for example, in the situation you describe, I would reply, "sorry, unfortunately as I didn't hear from you, I have made other plans with friends. We can do xxx day instead when I'm free."

 

Stick to it, like velcro. Don't let him guilt you into changing your "plans". (i use a trip to my parents as an excuse in these situations, as it's easily arranged on short notice)

 

If he bails on the proposed date, then repeat until you get sick of it then ditch. If you're (and he is) lucky, he might pick up the pace and get the message. If he says "why are you being funny with me?", just say that you can't keep your life on hold for him and need a form of reliability in your own life, so in the absence of his own, you are planning your time from now on.

 

Do all this nicely and he'll either sort his crap out or show his true colours.

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No... this is what i will do if i were you!

 

Monkey see, monkey do!°

 

I will ignore him back... & also in the meantime, i will go out & have fun with any boy i want to spend time with. When he calls, i ignore his calls...

 

Don't want to sound hard here... but your guy is not interested in you. He is holding you only as the last resort to a strong of other females. A guy who loves a girl would NEVER dream to be that rude to her.

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No... this is what i will do if i were you!

 

Monkey see, monkey do!°

 

I will ignore him back... & also in the meantime, i will go out & have fun with any boy i want to spend time with. When he calls, i ignore his calls...

 

Don't want to sound hard here... but your guy is not interested in you. He is holding you only as the last resort to a strong of other females. A guy who loves a girl would NEVER dream to be that rude to her.

 

i agree. he is clearly rude and not respectful of you and your time. i think it's time to move on. oh yeah, and he's a massive stoner, he's not mature. he needs to grow up and you need to find a real man!!

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May seem harsh, but I wouldn't waste time on this guy.

 

He obviously doesn't invest time in you, so why invest (waste) time trying to be with him. You have done all you should, he has not stepped up to the plate.

 

I would cut your losses now. He is clearly not ready for a committed relationship of any kind. He blew you off to get wasted all weekend with his buddies and he didn't have 2 minutes to call you back? NO WAY! He is inconsiderate of your feelings. Period.

 

Not good boyfriend material. You deserve better.

 

God Bless and good luck to you. Go find a nice guy...they are out there.

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A big problem as to why he acts like this is because I'm a total pushover. I let him walk all over me; I never complain, moan or argue with him so he probably thinks it's alright to treat me like this.

 

If you LET men treat you like this, then they will. Don't let them. He will have more respect for you also. Have more respect for yourself.

 

Basically, tell him how you feel, in fact, say exactly what you said in this post. Warn him that if he lets you down again, after you have explained how it makes you feel unwanted etc. then unless he is in an accident or has broken both legs, then you will walk away. Don't take it.

 

x

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Let me guess....you picked him up, not the other way 'round. Maybe this relationship has been "foisted" upon him and he's not really that into it. He's too laid back or lazy to end it and hey, it's free sex right? You end up doing all the work.

 

That's my take on thi

 

My thoughts exactly....

Anytime I have had these issues with a boyfriend it has been because I did all the persuing. I have learnt that even the very shy guys will persue me in the early stages..if they like me enough...

Good luck

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Let me guess....you picked him up, not the other way 'round. Maybe this relationship has been "foisted" upon him and he's not really that into it. He's too laid back or lazy to end it and hey, it's free sex right? You end up doing all the work.

 

That's my take on thi

 

Well, no actually, he chatted me up and he was the one who made the dates originally.. But nice reply lol

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May seem harsh, but I wouldn't waste time on this guy.

 

He obviously doesn't invest time in you, so why invest (waste) time trying to be with him. You have done all you should, he has not stepped up to the plate.

 

I would cut your losses now. He is clearly not ready for a committed relationship of any kind. He blew you off to get wasted all weekend with his buddies and he didn't have 2 minutes to call you back? NO WAY! He is inconsiderate of your feelings. Period.

 

Not good boyfriend material. You deserve better.

 

God Bless and good luck to you. Go find a nice guy...they are out there.

 

Thanks for this post, I think I just needed a little encouragement to end it. I wasn't angry about the whole situation before but now that you mention it, that he didn't even have 2 minutes to call me back.. well now I really see him for the disrespectful guy he is.

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