learn from my mistake. dont make it on your own (LONG)

[BCC123]

ive posted here a few times and needless to say i havent followed anyones advice - which is why im posting again tonight.

 

story: ex and i dated for 3 years, broke up a year ago, NC for a couple months, LC after that and recently we've been talking everyday, hanging out a lot and ive been hoping to get back together, ive been wanting to get back together this whole time but this time i was seriously seeing progress. read my last 2 posts if u want more info. its complicated

 

this started in january, we started seeing each other almost everyday of the week, except maybe one or two. things got pretty good and i started expecting it from him. he said all the nice, loving things, i love you's, etc. we were exclusively intimate with each other, as i trust him and know he wouldnt lie to me. said we had a "thing" and everything and gave me a time frame for when he would be ready to be in a relationship (7 months)

 

recently, from these events i started doing more for him, as well as expecting more from him. and this has scared him off big time. he started to distance himself and i saw him one day a week instead. he went out of town last week and i tried to leave him alone but he texted me everyday, i miss u, i love u, etc etc. the day he came back we hung out all night - last tuesday, and thats the last time ive seen him since today.

 

ive bought him tickets to concerts and comedians coming up, thinking about him all the time and getting mad when he didnt want to be with me and his friends instead. last thursday i kinda got mad in a stupid stupid way and outbursts and this was a dealbreaker. he brought it up today because it bothered him so much.

 

anyway - today was his birthday. he stopped in my work and after work and dinner we met up. i made a HUGE mistake and started talking about a relationship. he gets obviously upset and tells me what we all knew from the beginning - hes going away to a new college in the fall and he said we'll definitely split ways. he doesnt want to be in a relationship but he wants all the benefits and intimacy with one with me. he said if this is hurting me too much then its over. he said hes not hurting me by saying these things and doesnt see whats wrong with how we are. i try to tell him our relationship would be great, that we have something so special and not to waste it. that doesnt matter

 

bottom line is he wants something i dont. ive known this and ive been strung along this whole time, thinking great scenarios in my head when he asks me to be with him again. truth is he doesnt want that. its going to end in the fall when he leaves. thats it. i started crying tonight and i ruined everything. i always ask him about other girls, even tho i say i trust him and clearly i dont. i feel crazy when im with him and he brings out bad things in me, which is the number one reason we broke up - it brought out the worst of us.

 

i keep apologizing, saying i wish i didnt bring it up on his birthday when hes already had a bad day. i say i think i ruined everything and that its going to be over and he keeps saying "babe, dont worry everythings fine". he said hes not playing games with me andhe means everything he says he just cant be ina relationship right now. i guess i keep forgetting how young he is.

 

deep down inside i know i need to stop and move on and heal, for christ sakes its been a year!!! but i cant help it. im addicted to him in such an unhealthy way that i am going to stick it out until fall when he leaves and im crushed 10 times worse. he said the summers not gonna change anything between us and that we'll still see each other and what not. i do not believe this.

 

my friend tells me that i need to back off, match his effort and stop asking about other girls and us. im going to try my hardest to stop and i am going to keep this thing up between us until it stops and im gonna get hurt again or until he leaves in the fall. idc. im so addicted to him, being with him makes me so happy and i love him. im going to be so hurt, but i feel its worth the pain

 

i had to ask questions tonight. i couldnt help it, i just had to. i hate playing games with him and it is how i feel and thats it. i need someone to force me to stop talking to him because im incapable of doing it on my own. from now on im not going to care so much, start to heal and if i hear from him or he wants to hang out we will - thats that. we had something for 3 years and we still have those same things, they dont go away and i know he will never feel for someone else like he does for me. im just going to ride it out and hope for the best.

 

sorry its super super long but i needed to vent.

[user1988]

This was how my ex and me worked out, a year after breaking up I still clung to hopes of getting back together. We hung out often, were intimate, went on dates but was not in a relationship. I wanted him so bad that it was unhealthy but you know what? When I walked away from it all I felt like a better person. He brought out the worse in me, he made me into a person I was not. Please don't wait until the fall, just leave him now. I know it's hard, I wasn't able to walk away so in the end it hurts so bad that I was immune to the pain. Yes that's how bad it got.

 

A guy who wants all the benefits of a relationship but doesn't want to be in one is a red flag, he'll take advantage of you and you'll only prolong the pain.

 

Let me also say that I did get back together with him in April of 2008, we broke up Feb 2007 so that's about a year and 2 months broken up. We broke up AGAIN june of 2008, by the end of our relationship I gave him a dose of his own medicine, I no longer was attentive, I didn't care about his needs just like he didn't care about mine and I was taking interests in other guys who had more to offer and treated me better. He was a nervous wreck, asked me why I was avoiding him, why I wasn't doing him favors anymore, etc. At that point I realized I didn't care anymore, the best feeling ever!

 

After we broke up he tried to keep the communication open by trying to get me to pay him back 150 bucks I had borrowed from him. Screw that, I paid for everything in our relationship.

[BCC123]

yeah i know. like I KNOW i need to walk away but im physically not able to do it. i think i need therapy

[Brownstone322]

Lemme see if I can relate.

 

My first college girlfriend dumped me for another guy, but that guy turned out to be a loser, so, two years later, she came back to me. I was perfectly OK hanging out with her again, but I was, by then, a different person in lotsa ways. So we dated for four or five months, and while she wanted it to be "serious" (strangely, more "serious" than she had wanted the first go 'round), I was just in it for having fun and having sex, especially the sex. (That wasn't all bad ... she loved that part too.)

 

Anyway, sad to say, I think (at the moment) your ex just wants to get laid. You want more, so get out now. Things may yet change over time ... you'd be amazed ... so get out now and start letting time have its effect.